Ex dating one of my best friends... back in my life...

[ashisnothereman]

Hey I'm new here and thought I'd get some advise online,

I'm 19 years old and recently broke up with my girlfriend of 17 months about 3 months ago. When we broke up she really wanted to stay friends, I knew that this wasn't a good idea and that it would just cause more pain later on and I was right. Anyway I gave in and said we can still see each other and stuff. I committed to the friendship as much as I could and the reasons I broke up where still apparent and I couldn't stand her, but I still kept my cool and kept being friends.

One day I went over to hers to help her dad in the garden and clear the backyard for her 18th birthday party. We eventually got into a small fight of which her mum witnessed. A few days later I couldn't get onto her and then received a call from her mum saying i can never talk/see her again, etc. So it was obvious her mum took action and applied the no contact method.

I was fairly pissed off by this having committed so much time and energy into a friendship. I wasn't allowed to see her on her 18th, I wasn't allowed to go to her 18th birthday party. Anyway I moved along and I have been happy and things have been going well.

A few days ago I got a call from one of my best mates, and over the last few weeks I have been hanging out with him more than anyone else i know. He tells me that he likes my ex and that they are seeing each other. I morally believe that it is wrong to get involved with a mates ex girlfriend. I didn't take the call well and have been fairly angry and upset. I saw him the next day and we had a talk and I told him that I'm not letting her effect my life and that he was gonna do it anyway so I might as well just be happy for them, he was grateful and he admitted that he stabbed me in the back and I agreed and said yes you did, don't do it again.

I later receive a call from my ex and shes raging and carrying on about how i should handle the situation and what i should be doing and that he didn't stab me in the back and she can see who ever she wants, etc. She also focused a lot on a girl that I have been seeing, of which she doesn't personally know. She said I have no right to be angry because of this girl. I feel that's not the case as she is getting involved in someone close to me which is going to complicate mine, his and her life.

I have just been really upset about this whole situation, I don't know what to do. First of all I am angry because she is now going to be back in my life as she is my close mates girlfriend. I feel betrayed and don't know if my mate is even a good mate anymore. Should i still be friends with him or should i tell him its me or her? also the situation is effecting my current relationship.

I also feel, seeing how angry she was that i was seeing someone, that she is just using him to get back at me.

I know this is a mouthful and thank you for taking the time to read it. id love to her your experiences in the same situation and any advise you can offer.

thanks ash.

[MM894]

I think you are a little over-upset at your friend. Personally, yeah, I do think he should have mentioned it to you before he started seeing your ex, not a short while in. That said, he did go out of his way to call you, and from what I get, he clearly does care about your opinion and getting your approval. He might have messed up initially but from what you're saying, it sounds like he's making all the effort to do right by you.

I also think your ex being upset with you is dumb. Sure, in an ideal world you'd be fine with it, but that's not the case, and you need to make clear to her that your friend called you to ask your opinion.. you weren't going out of your way to mess up her relationship. I think it's slightly ridiculous that she and her mom have a no-contact policy with you, but then she goes out and begins to date one of your best friends.. there's no way that ends well.

Just my two cents.

[ashisnothereman]

i know he is trying to do the right thing and i dont want to be angry with him and im trying not to be. its just really hard as its something that i am very against.

i agree with you that seeing a mate of mine disrupts that no contact and is part of why i am worked up by this situation. i had moved on fine and was having a great life with out her.

now shes back..