Emotionally Detatched?

[daydreamin420]

So I'm not sure if any of you read my little introduction, but I touched a little bit on this topic.

I was dating a guy for about 3 months. He talked alot about not wanting things to get "Complicated', and blah blah blah. I was cool with it at first because I hadn't been single for long, and I kinda liked the idea of having my freedoms & still having him. Until one day, (3 months in) we were laying together in bed, and I had a really bad day. He asked me what was wrong, and in the middle of telling him I burst into tears. Now, I absolutely HATE for people to see me cry, so I was more suprized than he was!! But he was so comforting and accepting that I felt okay about it. He just held me and rubbed me and made me feel better. That night everytime my heart would beat, it was like...I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!


It was so crazy! I didn't think I'd ever feel that way about anyone, let alone him and so fast. But I didn't know how to tell him because of all the stuff we talked about. Like staying casual. So I just kept it to myself for about a week. I thought long and hard about it, the last day of that week. I thought about how he would fit into my life, with my kids, and my family. And I just knew in my heart of hearts, that it would never work out.


Like once I wrapped my mind around the thought of us being together, I was over it! I mean I felt like no feelings at all. One of my friends said I was being "Emotionally Detatched" because I felt that I would be rejected. I didn't think that was true. I'm just a rational person who rationalizes everything, I think about every possibility and problem and situation. I came to the conclusion that we just weren't right for each other. And like that, I was over him. Didn't even really miss him after 3 or 4 months of seeing each other...



The more I think about it, and the way I've been dating guys lately....Maybe I am emotionally detatched? I will like a guy for a while, I mean REALLY like him. But it seems like I'm bored and over him before I really give him a chance. When I google'd emotional detatchement, it sounded a lot like me. I've noticed a lot when I'm with a guy, I will distance myself from him. They will say, "Whats wrong?" and I'll say "Nothing." (typical woman answer right?) But I know inside there really is something bothering me, even if its something small. I just dont know how to say it or if they will even care. So I say nothing. Literally.



I guess maybe its a defence mechanism. If I dont let anyone get too close, than they can't hurt me. I know its not healthy, but I really can't help it. And I didn't think I was like this until I saw the real definition. I know I have a slight dissociative disorder, like its really easy for me to tune people out, or go to my "happy place'. That is a defence from being sexually abused when I was young. I had to block it out so I would just imagine I was anywhere else in the world. I couldn't see, hear, feel, think. I would just be out of my body for a while, it's really hard to explain. I can still do that, like when I'm getting blood drawn, or just dont want to be aware of my surroundings. Its kind of scary because I start to lose track of time if no one snaps me out of it. But thats a whole nother post!



I guess I just needed to get this off my chest, its really been bothering me. I don't want to talk to anyone about it out of fear they will think I'm crazy...or just a tramp! If anyone knows anything about this or has any advice I would appreciate it alot!

[cmacattack1]

While I didn't think I had a disease, I think I feel the exact same way as you do. Right when they fall in love with you, you have this need to resort to self destruction. Like you don't think you deserve it and just sabotage the relationship until you either get sick of it or they do. I was always told I was "too practical" and just never gave in to the feeling of "falling head over heels." I wasn't raised in a very stable environment and has a mom who has somebody but talks about how she doesn't love him, it's too hard at her age to keep looking. Understanding why we act this way is certainly helpful, but it's not an excuse or something to hide behind. Emotionally withholding from somebody is a form of emotional abuse. It's not right, and we wouldn't want it to happen to us.

I don't know what the treatments are but alot of it has to do with forgiving yourself and knowing that you have alot to offer and you are worth it. What has happened in the past has happened, you can't change or take that back. For things you were responsible for, understand that you are young and you make mistakes. Use them as a learning experience, otherwise they will be a waste. For things you weren't responsible for, I guess try your best to understand that there are some sick people out there that were raised in environments like yours and that kind of behavior you can instill in your kids. It should really come to mind the next time you act the way you usually do (put up the defense mechinisms), and then maybe you can catch yourself and teach yourself not to do that.

[Mr. Turtle]

I COMPLETELY hear you. I am emotionally detached. I have been single approaching 3 years years now (w00t w00t, I M LUZER, lol), and I think I have bounced from one girl to the next like I was getting paid. Until recently. This one made me feel alive again, but I understand your point. I do find myself getting slightly annoyed and VERY BORED VERY QUICKLY. But then again, I think its more of a thing about know what you want and having a life. Most of my age group hasnt really done anything yet and havent established themselves because they havent had to. I think completely different now. I have to see long term. I know what its like to be worried about bills or whether or not my significant other is happy or if we need to worry about this or that, did we have fun, could this work, blah blah blah. Everyone who hasnt been married doesnt quite understand that there is real pressure on the relationship. Its not like you can just do what you please anymore. There are responsibilities and a lot of the single-ready-to-mingle crowd is still very much like butterflies. A gift and a curse I guess.

[Cloud206]

Somehow i envy you.

[mrman256]

Im not sure if my experience is the same, but it was quite similar. I was with this girl who I really liked and everything but in my heart it just wasnt there. Just didnt feel anything for her and I got really depressed about it. I guess past experiences can definatley have an effect on the present. Whilst my experiences are no way near as bad as the experiences you have stated, I find it very hard to let people in because I've been hurt by girls before and I swore this time I wouldnt be so naive thus blocked out lots of positive emotions. Its a defense mechanism that works too well. I havent found a girl which gives me that love buzz for about 2 years now and its beginning to wind me up a bit. I would also like to know how to get out of this rut.

[Teddy057]

I think you're afraid to love someone, because if you do, there's a chance of being hurt. Love is really all we have, and it's all you need. I don't think you can really work out the deep emotionally problems you have over the internet though, maybe there is counseling or something that you can become involved in.