In need of some serious help.

[hello_gorgeous]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for around a year and a half. About 7 months into our relationship we started to smoke marijuana with some friends. The next few months, I became more interested in the weed than her. I stopped appreciating the little things that she did for me. She never once mentioned this to me, except when she broke up with me about 3 months ago. She told me that she felt unwanted and wasn't good enough because i didn't appreciate the little things she did for me.


We spent 3 days apart, she came running back to me and told me she wanted to try things again. We agreed to try things again. I made a huge change and became the perfect boyfriend again that i once was. After 3 weeks, it seemed like things were perfect again, she told me that her feelings were stronger than ever. The next week everything changed. She started to become more distant. She told me that she was past the 'lovey-dovey' stage. While she was still somewhat affectionate in private, but in public she would hardly hold my hand. Lately, we haven't been able to see each other in about two weeks. But the last time we did hang out, it was just amazing. Well to get to the point. She just told me that she feels that we are so different and sometimes she thinks we are just holding on to the past. We don't talk much and when we do its just small talk.

I forgot to mention that I am pretty insecure, and since she started acting distant I've been incredibly scared of her leaving again. That coupled with her not willing to ever send me cute texts or do much to show that she still loves me makes me think she has given up.

Is it time to let go and move on? Or can we reconnect and spice our relationship back up. She is my first love and I'm not quite ready to let her go. Any help is appreciated.

[elphie]

I'd maybe give it a little longer and see what happens. If things aren't working out, then it won't seem right; on the other hand, this could be just a phase for her (she could be going through her own insecurities/issues). And maybe this is something you guys should talk about. Find out how committed you both are to the relationship (and I'm not talking about getting married or anything); is it something you are both serious about and want to do your best at, or do other things seem more important? This was essentially why my ex and I split; he couldn't give 100% commitment to the relationship, and to accept less than that is unacceptable. If you guys both want to give the commitment, see what happens then. If it still feels like she is putting distance between you guys, then maybe it's time to call it quits. People get less intimate/affectionate when they are about to break-up with someone or sense the other person is about to break-up with them, which could also be another reason for her distance.

[cmacattack1]

All you can do is sit her down, and have a quiet, calm and honest conversation. That is if she wants to be honest with you. You aren't dumb, and you are noticing she isn't giving this as much effort anymore. Ask her how she feels and that you noticed the distance. Excuses like "I'm tired, busy, etc." do not cut it, and you let her know that they are reasons not excuses.

Okay, so she's not giving you a lap dance in the middle of public or sending you cute texts all the time. Doesn't mean she doesn't care anymore. However, if you are rarely seeing each other and don't even talk or communicate anymore, it's apparent you are growing apart. That's the whole point of a relationship is to grow together. She may have told you her feelings were as strong as ever, but her actions speak otherwise. Unfortunately, once something is broken, it's hard to fix it again if both aren't giving their full effort. She may have come running back the first time because she was scared of being alone, but it was only a temporary fix FOR HER and now she is gradually checking out of this relationship again it looks like.

Only she knows.

[hello_gorgeous]

Well. we have broken up. I just couldn't take things anymore. I am not supposed to be insecure in a relationship am I? Would a break be better for us? I mean I sure as hell know that my feelings for her are still there and she was acting like she still had feelings for me. She didn't want this break up but I insisted, now i think I am regretting it. She felt like she never loved me enough or she wasn't affectionate enough so I think that is why she started to do it less and less.

Are we done for good? Or is time apart good for us both, I mean a break isn't always a bad thing is it? I just feel pretty lost without her. And the last thing I want to do is move on...

[girl68]

Breaks are bullshit it's over. Yeah, since you loved her it will take some time. Just get busy, and stay busy. Catch up with your friends. The first breakup will likely be the hardest because you don't know what works yet. Take it a day at a time.

[hello_gorgeous]

Not what I really wanted to hear, but I guess its true...

[girl68]

The good news here (and I know you REALLY won't want to hear this one) is that you're young, and there will be others. And guess what: hearts heal so with some time it WILL be okay- but you have to give time a chance to work.

Note: take this as a lesson learned; appricate.

[hello_gorgeous]

I know, but it just feels like I'm giving up on something amazing. I know she is my first love and that things will eventually come to an end, I just feel like we had so much more to offer to each other. I mean i spent most of my high school career dating this girl, and now I am starting college in a few months...I just feel really lost.

[ftm]

I know, but it just feels like I'm giving up on something amazing. I know she is my first love and that things will eventually come to an end, I just feel like we had so much more to offer to each other. I mean i spent most of my high school career dating this girl, and now I am starting college in a few months...I just feel really lost.

And you probably did have a lot more to offer. But things end. You are going to college. You would not believe the number of opportunities you are going to have to be with women in the future, and all of the different kinds of women they will be.

From reading your posts on this thread, I am going to assume that you aren't the star football player at your school and that hot girls aren't throwing themselves at you left and right. (Forgive me if I am drawing the wrong conclusion). My high school career was similar. In fact, my opportunities with women were so scarce that when something ended I thought it was the end of the world and there would never be anyone else. But you will change as you age and gain new experience. You will, hopefully, become more confident and have more to offer someone. Moreover, as women get older, their priorities will change and what they look for in men will change. The whole makeup of your social and romantic life is going to change in the next several years and I can't even begin to make you understand how.

Work on yourself for a while. Try to project the best possible "you." Don't dwell on the past. Welcome changes at they come. This will all be a distant memory and the best is yet to come. Relax.

[hello_gorgeous]

Thanks for the replies.

And to answer your question, you are exactly right. I have to rely on my sense of humor and my personality to even get a girl to notice me. I'm also pretty shy and insecure and I don't even really know how to work on that because I've just dealt with it my whole life.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe you're just a late bloomer. I wouldn't worry too much about being able to attract others. You know you're capable of it, so you're much more confident than you even know.

[hello_gorgeous]

I mean yeah I know that I AM capable, its just really hard. And when I found my ex, things just seemed so perfect, to me she is still perfect. Maybe I am just being really ignorant and blindly in love.