Is he a lost cause?

[ssh]

I'll try to keep it short --

January
- Start chatting online with a guy
- Meet him a few weeks later, we sit and talk for 3-4 hours over coffee
- He starts to text me every day
- 4 days after that first "date" we catch a movie at his place, it ends up with sex.
- He continues to stay in touch with texts, emails and phone calls every day.

February
- He seems less eager to chat and meet up, but we continue to talk and meet, sometimes including sex
- He starts sending mixed signals, starting convos all the time, but not seeming too eager to talk
- Finally I call him, ask if he's afraid that I might be having feelings for him. He says that he doesn't think that, but he doesn't want a relationship and that we should stop seeing each other "cause it's not fair to either of us." This really confused me, cause I never mentioned ANYTHING about a relationship, or that we should talk about moving forward, I was just asking if HE was afraid that I was starting to feel things (which I at that time wasn't) because his behavior was sorta hinting towards that.
- He shuts me off cold turkey. Removes me from his phone book, stops messaging, texting, everything. Just like that.

March
- I'm annoyed at it, cause we agreed to still be friends, but he obviously didn't want that either, so I wanted to talk to him.
- After being persistent at trying to get a hold of him, I finally do, and we decide to meet up (which he cancelled, not at all to my surprise)
- I finally think, fine, I'll just go in it for the sex, and I contact him again and he agrees to meet up for sex.

April-May
- We've been seeing each other every 2-3 weeks for sex
- We basically never talk unless someone is in the mood so to say
- He has changed a bit though, he's a lot nicer now when I meet him, a lot like in the beginning
- But I now feel the casual sex is quite meaningless

MY QUESTION IS, GUYS:::

Is there ANY chance of me salvaging all the damage done by my previous behavior (having sex "too soon", the awkward phone call, the suggestion of having casual sex..) and possibly turning this whole thing into a relationship or is it doomed? I was thinking of cutting him off my life for a couple of months and try to reconnect later, but I don't know if that would help.

Thank you so much!

[carl1222]

Arghhhhh ....

He told you straight out that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend, and he quite correctly pointed out that it wouldn't be fair to either of you to continue as more than friends. Then you came up with the solution - be f**k buddies instead. Now you complain that the casual sex is meaningless. What meaning did you expect from it???

Look, if you have developed romantic feelings for the guy, then do both of you a favor and cut him out of your life ... he doesn't share them!.

Did you honestly believe that your fortnightly romps in the sheets were going to make him fall in love with you?

Carl

[ssh]

Arghhhhh ....

He told you straight out that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend, and he quite correctly pointed out that it wouldn't be fair to either of you to continue as more than friends. Then you came up with the solution - be f**k buddies instead. Now you complain that the casual sex is meaningless. What meaning did you expect from it???

Look, if you have developed romantic feelings for the guy, then do both of you a favor and cut him out of your life.

Did you honestly believe that your fortnightly romps in the sheets were going to make him fall in love with you?

Carl

Not at all, I didn't expect that I was gonna want more out him though, and I'm still not sure if I do, but I know I won't be able to figure out if we just continue the way we do.

He said that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend like three weeks after we had been seeing, had he asked me the same question at that time, I would have said the same thing! But now we're talking 5 months later .. !

If he just want to have casual sex, that's fine, but I want to know if there's a chance of us becoming more than that.

[carl1222]

Guys find it much easier than girls to separate sex from feelings ... Mother Nature at her worst. It would seem to me that if he were going to develop romantic feelings for you, he would have done so by now. Be that as it may, I think you have the right idea ... start over with him after a break. He may come to miss you on a different level other than just the physical.

For your plan to have any chance of working, you can't cave in and settle for just sex any more.

Carl.

[vashti]

Hey! You stole my alternative screen name!

[VincenzoG91]

Hey! You stole my alternative screen name!

Carl1222? Huh. I don't think that would work well with your avatar.

[ItalianScot]

Is there ANY chance of me salvaging all the damage done by my previous behavior (having sex "too soon", the awkward phone call, the suggestion of having casual sex..) and possibly turning this whole thing into a relationship or is it doomed? I was thinking of cutting him off my life for a couple of months and try to reconnect later, but I don't know if that would help.

Thank you so much!

Probably not. Of course, nothing is impossible.

[vashti]

Carl1222? Huh. I don't think that would work well with your avatar.

No! My alias is shh!

[misombra]

now your alias is vashhhhh.

ssh, your situation is not looking up. you can't just give it up like that. definitely desperate to go back a couple months later willing to sex him up for another chance.

girlfriend, gots to keep your legs closed.

[Incognito]

MY QUESTION IS, GUYS:::

Is there ANY chance of me salvaging all the damage done by my previous behavior (having sex "too soon", the awkward phone call, the suggestion of having casual sex..) and possibly turning this whole thing into a relationship or is it doomed? I was thinking of cutting him off my life for a couple of months and try to reconnect later, but I don't know if that would help.

Thank you so much!

I don't see you being able to salvage this relationship. You willingly turned yourself into a f*ck buddy, and not many men would turn that down. If you want more (which you should out of respect for yourself) you should end this arangement and spend some time alone. If you MUST you could probably drop a few hints that you're interested again MUCH later, or wait to see if he'll try and contact you again. I only suggest that if you just can't help yourself. If you have the willpower you should just move on and not look back since there will always be the chance that he wants to keep the casual sex going (or get it started again after not seeing you for a while). There are plenty more fish in the sea.

[xxazurexx]

I don't think you have a hope in hell of turning this situation around into it becoming something more meaningful.

It's been five months now and if things were going to go someplace, they would have done so long before now.

This guy disappeared and when he got wind of your feelings. He wanted nothing more with you.

You are the one who has kept this 'fwb' situation alive and because you were the pursuer and when he vanished. He came back and not because he rediscovered any feelings for you, but because you offered him the sex. It would seem that you were prepared to go to these lengths and to keep him.....but sex never keeps anyone around and for the long haul.

Not many guys turn down free sex and he will only continue to stick around until another piece of ass comes along, that either 1. Gives free sex also OR 2. A female who more than physically captures his interest.

Sorry hon, but you are destined for the rubbish heap....