ex boyfriend (long)

[Mahishamardhini]

guy pursues girl
girl likes guy, guy likes girl
girl and guy are in a relationship for a good year or so

guy dumps girl out of blue when things seem like they were never better(never gave her a heads up, warning, explanation, sorry, nothing)
they continue to sleep with each other
guy -because he can
girl -because she thinks he still cares and will change his mind
both too young and stupid at this point to realize the damage they're doing

girl leaves town
they lose touch
three years later, guy initiates contact by telephone -surprising her
they stay in touch for a while -even hang out together once
she wants to know why he initiated contact and is staying in touch
he gives her vague answers
she's secretly hoping for the chance of a reconciliation

girl leaves town for another new location
they lose touch (he writes once a month, but she's involved in a serious relationship with someone and doesn't respond... guy gives up and stops writing)
a year and a half later, guy appears via e mail again
they stay in touch -albeit sporadically ...nothing consistent

a year goes by, she happens to visit close to where he's living
guy suggests they get together and hang out
but a few days before -when he said he'd call, he didn't ...
girl does not call
weekend of planned meeting goes by
he e mails saying that he's an "idiot" and that he he "lost her number" (they had been talking all week and it's likely that the number was programmed into his cell ...it seemed like a convenient excuse to bail on a potentially awkward/nerve wracking meeting -remember, it's been nearly five years since they last saw each other (7 since the end of their relationship))
girl decides to fall off the face of the planet -she doesn't have the time, energy or patience for bs
guy e mails again, saying he's an "idiot", he's sorry, and to please call.
she doesn't

girl comes back home.
best friend thinks girl should give him another chance -that they're meant to be and yadda yadda yadda -suggests that girl was harsh in cutting him off ...girl agrees, plus best friend's judgement, insight and perspective are highly valued and have in the past never failed to be proven correct.
so a few months go by and she starts writing him
this time they seem to be more consistent ...he starts calling her "beautiful", "doll", and tells her she's "amazing". she's open about what's going on in her life -plus discusses her take on the past with him too -she figures forgiveness is the way to go (although she won't forget the things he did and said immediately post break up) ...he hears her, apologizes, etc. but seems to be more superficial in his interactions (doesn't really discuss much about his life -preferring to be vague and instead asking her all about herself) ...even so, it seems that they've made great progress

girl goes through a phase of life that is difficult. when it rains it pours and she gives him insight into what is going on -a whole bunch of unpleasant stuff happening all at one time over which she has no control.
he says he'll call.
they play phone tag.
finally catch each other.
he doesn't speak much -asks her questions.
after convo is over, she feels like maybe she was on the whole too negative which might have weirded him out since she's usually the rah rah happy enthusiastic always positive chearleader chick.
she doesn't hear from him.
so she writes a small e mail -asking how he's doing, and that she hopes that she didn't spread a bad mood since she wasn't exactly in the mind frame to be social the last time they talked (but she doesn't want to be one of those people who always tries to come across as oh so sophisticated and successful -pretending to be bigger and better off when interacting with an ex)
she doesn't hear from guy.
so she lets time go by and sends a brief friendly e mail.
not a peep from guy ...she knows that he's been online and seen her letters, but apparently guy has decided to disappear.
she's feeling a little hurt -like she can't be free with him about everything that is her life, and that he's not striving to be a "friend" (well yeah, exes can't be, right?) and isn't reliable since vanishing isn't very supportive after someone has opened up -and she most certainly doen't share her life story with everyone)

what in the world do you think is going on in the guy's head? i guess this is a rant. sorry. i just want to know -why you think a guy who was the dumper, would always initiate contact after a lot of time has passed -why he'd continue to stay in touch, then take off and repeat the cycle again?! i think i know. i think i know what i'm going to do too. but i just kinda want to hear others' take on all this. sorry for the length. thank you.

[Jenrick285]

Are you seeking something of more than just a friend, or just regular friends?
Ex's are a little hard to be friends, I have a hard time staying friends with my ex and find myself biting my tongue constantly, and yeah I disappear a bit on her as well.

But eh? Both you have done the disappear act on each other from above, perhaps he's just as confused as you. Remember, we're not mind readers, despite what you read under all those Snapple caps!

Some folks are curious at how each other progressed after they had broken up.

Random Ramblings.
=)

[Mahishamardhini]

thanks jenrick ...i can't believe you actually made it the entire way through that

i've always had a special place for this guy in my heart -and we finally dealt with issues when we were having regular conversations on the phone (before the time we were to meet and he bailed) ...i guess i kinda feel like if there's something more that he wants, it should be him putting himself out there and making more of an effort since once upon a time it was i who was the one pulling more weight and was horribly rejected. i've forgiven him the things he did and said back then -afterall, we were both immature ...and he gained so much newfound respect from me for hearing me out and offering and "i'm sorry" years and years after the fact.

"Some folks are curious at how each other progressed after they had broken up".

i'm not one to look back or stay in touch with exes (only him) -i don't even do reunions -he knows all this stuff. but i guess there's a way to say all that's on my mind ...to just be matter of fact, put it all out there and see what he does with the info. it's coming up on a decade next year that he and i have been doing this silly little dance ...if it becomes something more, then great ...but otherwise it'll be the end -i don't want to say goodbye but that time has to come ...i need to be completely open to happy shiny new possibilities in romance (instead of kinda sorta holding on to something that may or may not happen) ...oh. it used to be we were never in the same place in life ...now it's just a matter of sharing the same location. i dunno i dunno. i dunno why it's getting me all riled up now all of a suddenly. oh well. well -mebbe it's all the other stuff going on -sharing that with him, and him vanishing ...but i should be like "whatever", right? hmm. you're cute and you're right: (snapple caps

thanks for the random ramblings it helped

[Jenrick285]

There's never a right or wrong answer, just whats best for you at this time.

You can always go "Soooo like uuuuh, hi! What do you think of us?"
Tactless =(
but gets to the point! and it might even surprise him =)

And if its not what you want, then you know, you can say honestly have tried, it just wasn't meant to beand put this chapter of your life at a close, and move on to spend your time and energy on a relationship that returns what you give in (Friendship or whatnots).

[Mahishamardhini]

"You can always go "Soooo like uuuuh, hi! What do you think of us?"
Tactless =(
but gets to the point! and it might even surprise him =) "

ROFLMAO!!!

thanks jenrick (omg can't stop lol)

[Jenrick285]

Truth works!
Okies sometimes it might not have the _exact_ desired effect you would like it to have, but you can always work out the pleasantries later once you know where you stand =)