should i be worried?

[brokenhearted33]

(Hey everyone, thanks for reading this. I might be double-posting this in other forums because it might be appropriate. Regardless, thanks to everyone and anyone that can help me here)

I've been dating this girl for about a month now. We are both about 23 or 24 yrs old. We have amazing chemistry, and when we're not with each other, I can kinda tell that she's always thinking of me....whether it's with her daily texts, or just simply when we talk at night and she says it directly "i missed you all day" etc etc. We also make out all the time, and on some of our more intimidate dates, I could tell she really likes me, trusts me, and wouldnt want to lose me. I know it sounds braggy to say all of that, but it's just my observation/intuition.

Anyways, I've noticed lately that when we are at parties, or other social situations, that she seems to like to talk about us as a couple, me in particular, and about 50% of the time, it's a tease on me....as in, she likes to make fun of me sometimes...not necessarily like a bad thing, but just things like "oh yeah peter, he cant do this ____ at all" ....just things that dont put me in a good light...things where....i feel like the other people she's talking to, are like "dude, she likes to bag on her bf"

In hindsight, it's probably not that often, maybe only 25% of the time....but obviously the times she does do this, they stick out in my mind. Anyways, whenever she does this, I always just shrug it off and pretend like I dont care at all. I dont want to react to it and then come off as a little whiny dude.

Oh, and another important thing. When we're at these parties, ...I've noticed that oftentimes she likes to mess around with me and "threaten" to leave me for some other guy (say another guy at the party that shes been friendly with). Whenever she does this, I just tell her I'll leave her for another girl too, no biggie. I tell her "go for it! do you what you want baby"....and that's usually the end of that discussion. I think she's equally as scared of me leaving her as I am of her leaving me....but it kinda irks me...like, why does she feel the need to play the game of pretending like she will leave me for someone else. I know she's not that type of girl, cause she's NEVER HAD A BF before (none in her 4 years of high school and 4 years of college!)...so I know she's just messing around, but it still annoys me.


Anyways, what do you guys think of all this? My questions are:

1) Is it normal in relationships? Have you guys experienced this?
2) Should I be worried about any underlying issues?
3) Most importantly, if I am still bothered this, what's the best way for me to confront her about it, without sounding like a whiny guy/without making her less attracted to me.




Thank you everyone for all your help!

[Yasmina84]

I think that the second part, that she says she'll leave you is just an insecurity issue. If she's never had a bf before then she's probably worried that you'll leave her. Maybe not even worried, but more terrified. I don't think you should worry about her making fun of you in public. It's a new situation for her, having a bf and everything, that she's just saying the same stuff she hears everyone else saying....ergo women talk (a lot!). But I do think you need to tell her that you don't appreciate it. In a subtle/gentle manor that is.

[xxazurexx]

She sounds very immature for her years.

I would expect this behaviour from say an 18 year old, but a 24 year old??...ffs!

She is testing you basically and to see what kind of reaction she gets to 'I'm going to leave you for another'....
She is wanting to see it bothers you that she talks this way and because if you show you are bothered, it means to her that you care.
Iinstead you tell her to go ahead and you would do the same - which is a good way to react.

She is insecure and has issues. And this is your 'first' red flag as to the kind of person she may truly be, the one you havn't met yet.

[Cosmo]

Run.

No one wants to be with someone who puts them down in public. She's trying to break your spirit so that you date her. Chicks who bag on their boyfriends invariably cheat or leave their boyfriends. Eventually you believe what you say, and what you hear.

[lahnnabell]

There's a difference between knowing how to laugh at oneself, and standing by while someone totally bags on you. She's doing the latter. It's a dominance thing. She's trying to show others how much she's got you wrapped up by pushing your buttons in public. Kinda like a, "See, I can do this and get away with it, 'cause he looooves me. He'd do anything for me." It's a play for power. Honestly, she's probably completely unaware she's doing it. Doesn't make it okay though. You need to call her on it. Sit her down for a calm, rational conversation and tell her it bothers you. If you can't open up and communicate with her about this then a relationship was doomed from the get-go. You can't get serious with someone if you aren't willing to do some of the dirty work that goes along with relationships. This involves hashing issues out once in a while.

She's clearly emotionally immature and she's probably used to getting away with such behavior. I used to do it to one of my boyfriends. He asked me to stop finally, and I realized that I was hurting him. I did some reflecting on my behavior and realized that I was looking to dominate him in certain ways. It was a deeply rooted issue I had with my position in life. He had a better job than I did, made more money, and was helping to provide for me at the time. I didn't like feeling so helpless, and I began to lash out in other ways to compensate for how worthless I felt at the time.

Do I slip up at times? Sure. I don't always think before I start talking. I like to have fun, and I always am down to make fun of myself (I do stupid stuff on the regular), but I forget that not everyone is cool with that. There is a line between laughing at something someone does WITH them, and calling them out to everyone in the room. The latter is inappropriate and hurtful, and your girl will continue to do it unless you tell her what's up.

[sunnybunny8212]

shes probably acting that way because she "never had a boyfriend"?
i think that shes putting up a front for something...
of course you two are totally "in-like" with each other, but just ask her to let up
on the jokes because you simply don't like it. no need to fight about it, just be sincere, and tell her it bothers you.
it doesn't make you whinny at all to confront someone on how you feel, specially your lady.

i can actually say that i have experienced this somewhat with an ex-boyfriend, but i thought
he was being insecure, and that was his way of "protecting" himself so to speak. basically, insecurity.
I don't know if that can be the same for you though.

i also don't think its anything to worry about, or pull your hair out over.
just address her casually, and say "hey babe, let up on the jokes when we're around people... I
dont like it."
you don't need a reason more than that...
it could be that simple, and thats all you really need to say.

-or something like that!

you two are also at the beginning of a relationship, so this is also the time you're getting to know each other.
you both learn each others emotions, and things you know?

<3
<3

[brokenhearted33]

thanks for the reply sunnybunny! does anyone else have any comments?

[brokenhearted33]

thanks everyone for the replies! does anyone else have any comments?

[brokenhearted33]

thanks for the reply yasmina! does anyone else have any comments?

[Petit Papillon]

This time you were, lucky, but next time if you will post 3 same threads everywhere, I will make you ouch-ouch

[xxazurexx]

Are you sure it isn't a robot Petit.....it appears to repeat the same response over and over :|

[Petit Papillon]

Hmm let's wait till tomorrow, I was considering him as some spammer ,but let's wait...

[brokenhearted33]

dude im not a spammer. im relatively new to this forum and i was just kinda "desperate" so i wanted to get as many helpful responses as possible. i didnt realize i totally offended you guys. sorry again. no im not a robot lol

[Petit Papillon]

I'm not dude, I'm duda if something (i don't have penis)
ok but don't spam the board anymore, ask always once,don't worry, you'll get your responses anyway