What does she want??? Please help...

[Josh24]

Sorry for the length, but please read

About a month ago I met a girl at work, she actually works at a different location so we don't see each other there. She is about 4 years younger than me, I'm 26. I'm a student and work quite a bit as well. I asked her out and gave her my number and she seemed enthusiastic about it so we went out the next night. We had a great time, I took her to dinner then dropped her off at home. She is also a student, a single mother, and works a few hours a week. We decided to go out again the following night, this time after going out for drinks we went to her house and just talked for an hour or so. We talked a lot through text messaging the next couple of days, and I went to her place after work one night. We ended up staying up til 4am talking, and even did some making out, things felt like they were going great. This was only 4 days or so after we met.

After that night things weren't the same. She seemed to distance herself slightly, and the tone in our conversations were just not the same. I had developed very strong feelings for her already, however she seemed to step back. I tried not to show too much affection, but I'm not sure thats even what the problem was. Somehow we got into talking about what potential or expectations there were for the future, and that seemed to make things worse.

She asked me, "why did you get all weird on me?" It basically came down to her saying, I thought we were just hanging out and getting to know each other (I asked her what to make of the making out, she didn't have much of a reply for that). She told me that she isn't in a position for a relationship right now, that she isn't emotionally available. Which judging by her personality and what she has been through, I can see that being true. She said being friends is all she wants right now.

So I gave her some space, then I ended up hearing from her almost a week later. Little by little we talked through text message again. Earlier this week she covered a shift at where I work, we hadn't seen each other in almost a couple of weeks. Everything seemed okay, "friendly" anyway. She hinted at wanting me to come out to her car with her on lunch break, so I did. We ended up talking about random stuff, and she was telling me how her life "sucks". I offered her some help with her school work she had mentioned and threw out an offer to come over to her place a couple of days later if she wanted.

I went over to her house last Thursday to help with her homework. We ended up spending about an hour or or two on homework, and another couple of hours just hanging out. She started getting into detail about the things in her life she is dissatisfied with, as well as a couple of past relationship things. One she mentioned was similar to what happened with us, when the guy wanted more she panicked and bailed on it. On a side note, when we hung out she was dressed very casually in sweat pants and a sweatshirt, although she did this the night we ended up making out at her place.

I feel like I am getting dangerously close to being in the "friend zone," maybe I'm already there??? Her ex/father of her daughter is a deadbeat with no ambition to get a job or support his family, however he is the only one that can watch the child while she goes to work and school. She basically has a lot of baggage, and apparently some issues when it comes to dating, but I really like her and am willing to work with these issues if there is any possibility. I just can't figure out if I am strictly someone she wants as a friend because I listen to her, or is there some potential there for more that she is reluctant to show because of her past issues??? I don't understand how she could go from being apparently attracted to me enough to make out come over late at night, to just be friends and thats it, essentially over night.

So my question is, what do I do, where do I go from here? Last time I tried to clear the air and make sure we were on the same page things blew up and we didn't speak for a week. How should I let things play out and see where they go? The difficult thing is that she rarely initiates contact, such as when I don't talk to her for a while. Should I give her more space, or keep asking her to hang out every now and then and see if getting to know each other more changes her mind on things? I would like to let her know that I am willing to help her with anything if she needs it, because she really could use it, but I think she is just afraid to allow any kind of connection into her life.

My best (girl)friend told me she is playing games and I should just forget about her, 95% of me agrees. She does not show any sort of emotion for much of anything, and it seems that maybe I am just a friend to her, I just twist it into more because of how things started out. Maybe I am naive, but I feel like there could be something more if I stick with it...am I wasting my time?

[AboutTheWeather]

As a female her age.. I recognize what she's been doing. Possibly. I've done it in the past. It's not so much voluntary , sort of like a habit. I would say move on. She has already decided you're not for her, whether it's actually YOU or just her own problem. Make-out sessions are nice when you feel lonely.

[xxazurexx]

The more you pressure her into doing something, ie: asking her on dates, calling her to talk and frequently, etc...the more she will pull away and because she just is not seeing you in 'that' way. In the kindest way possible and for whatever reason, she has rejected you - only you aint taking the hint and refuse to see it for what it really is....a 'rejection'. You think that if you give her space, do that little more, she will be back. But it doesn't work that way. People who don't want you, will 'run' from you and when you persist on coming on strong, when you persist in not taking any notice of anything she has said/is saying.

The best thing you can do, is to BACK OFF and give her some space. If she wants you, let her come to you.

[Josh24]

Well its not really the news I wanted to hear, but its basically what I thought. I am not really accepting the rejection, just difficult to accept it. So should I even try to be friends with this girl? Until I find someone else I don't think my feelings for her will go away.

[xxazurexx]

Well its not really the news I wanted to hear, but its basically what I thought. I am not really accepting the rejection, just difficult to accept it. So should I even try to be friends with this girl? Until I find someone else I don't think my feelings for her will go away.

I wouldn't advise friends no and especially if the motive behind wanting to be her friend, is to try and get back with her/hope she will change her mind. It won't work and you'd be setting yourself up for more disappointment.
She has already 'test drove' you by going on dates and for some reason along the way, has decided she doesn't want to pursue anything further. She offers 'friends' and that is likely all you will ever be to her now. So you are totally wasting your time, sticking around.

Sucks I know....know how it feels because I was recently in this situation.

Best thing to do is to wave Adios and try best way as you can to move on and without her.
It's hard, but it does get easier and if you keep busy - do anything, just to help distract your mind.

[Josh24]

So what do I do when she calls or texts me? What if she wants to hang out? What do I tell her?

[xxazurexx]

Does it really matter what she wants? She forfeited the right to say what she wants/and wants to do and when she decided not to pursue anything further with you. You owe this woman NOTHING!!.

You have to think of yourself FIRST and what is best for you and in order to be able to move on. And you won't be able to move on, with her still in the picture.
Why would you want to meet her needs, when she couldn't and failed to meet yours?

I guess you could tell her that it is simply not possible for you to be a friend to her, at this moment in time. That you need space and time alone, to be able to move on in life.

This is all you can do really and hopefully she will respect your wishes.