Scared! I like him so much, but I can't work him out! Please reply.

[kjd094]

It's peculiar really, I'd like to start by telling you I'm 15 years old (16 in 3 days) and I am gay. I've always been incredibly mature for my age, I'm fostered and when people first see me they always thinks I look more around the age of 18-19! Anyways I recently started attending a drama company which I love and after the first few rehearsals I started taking a liking to a guy, I thought he looked about my age, maybe a year or so older? Well it turns out he's 21. We texted each other and realised that there was a mutual attraction, we flirted and hugged at rehearsals and even talked about kissing each other. he asked my age and I told him, that seemed to worry him slightly, it was practically subliminal because he didn't really show it at first. He explained to me that he doesn't like to label himself sexuality-wise and that he'd not had a relationship for 6 years and his last one was with a girl. Well anyways we arranged to have a bit of time out together after a rehearsal and we ended up going to his house, we snuggled up together and ended up kissing quite passionately, after we had he started acting a bit distant with me, I had to go anyways so he walked me to the station. I asked him if I'd upset him and he said no he just had to sort a few things out in his head.
The same night he sent me a text saying that he felt he'd been a 'dick' and that we shouldn't have kissed, I said that I have no regrets and that I enjoyed it and he must have done a little and he agreed. I knew this issue would run deeper though and basically I asked him what was on his mind; he is a fairly insecure person about height and looks only around 5'7" and (well I personally think) gorgeous! He said he'd talked to friends about how young a person they should go out with and they said no lower than 18 years old, this worried him and he told me it did. At this point I felt highly confused because he told me about his previous partner and how he missed her a bit, I felt quite inadequate, but continued to text him. Last week he sent me a text exclaiming that he felt we couldn't have a relationship because of the age gap and distance (being 20-30 mins on a train) and I told him that I felt age was a subject linked with mind over matter, I'd told my foster mum and she told me to go for it and that if I don't mind about age it shouldn't matter, but I told him that I really like him and respect him, if he didn't want a relationship then fine (secretly hurting inside). The next morning he sent a text, quite flirtatious as though nothing had happened, I brought it up again and he told me not to worry. anyways this week had been the show week, and on the last night there was going to be an after show party (last night), he sent me a text saying I could stop at his over night because I didn't have any way of getting home and my foster parents were happy with that. I was thinking that we'd get a chance to properly talk, he then text me saying he still felt that nothing could happen between us and that I would be stopping as a friend (it hurt to hear it but I had to accept it!). Anyways last night I stopped at his we had to sleep in the same bed, he put a movie in and we ended up cuddling, before we knew it we were kissing again, very passionately he took my top off along with his, I could see where it was going and strangely didn't mind, although I was still confused because he'd said nothing could happen. He'd only had a pint of cider so I knew he wasn't drunk. It wasn't the best thing to do I know but I ended up having oral sex with him (in the heat of the moment we didn't use protection) afterwards we cuddled and went off to sleep, earlier this morning I was getting the same distant vibe from him, he wouldn't cuddle me properly and was generally quiet. He had to go to work, I asked him if he was alright he said yes, and I asked what was on his mind and he said he'd text me because it would be easy as he was rushing, he hugged me goodbye. I thought he was going to text me saying he didn't want to see me again but then a bombshell dropped. He told me he hasn't had a check up since he last has sex with someone (unprotected) and is now worried that I could've caught something! He tried saying I shouldn't have done it but he gestured for me to and as I say it was in the heat of the moment. I've arranged to go and see him tomorrow and we're going to go for a check up, I'm immensely scared and haven't told my foster parents. I'm definitely going to see him tomorrow, but he isn't texting me at the moment, he does care for me because he's said he couldn't cope if he'd given me anything, and is scared about HIV.
What should I do about everything I've explained? I still really want a relationship and really want to care for him. Please reply, thanks K.
x

[sunnybunny8212]

Wow. First thing first: be more careful,and you must must must consider things
Like this before having any kind or type of sexual activity.


Why wouldn't he mention that BEFORE you preformed?
That's not fair, and that should not be accepted. Also, you may want to know
Someone a lot longer before you become sexually active with them so these issues can be addressed so
Feelings won't be hurt like now, and there wouldn't be any worries on both parts.

If I were you, I'd be hella pissed at him for not mentioning that first hand.
Theres no such thing as " in the moment" so don't let any man tell you that
And don't feed into it. ASK QUESTIONS with anyone you're with. This is your health and your life.

Now, does he have something, or is he over thinking the situation?

But all I can say is pray to god you didn't get something.
And to me, you should be upset, because to me that's not a sign of trust.
For future reference, be prepared for this, and consider things like so

<3

[lxsmileyxl]

Ok, so. First of all, I understand how you feel about the age difference BUT you have to look at it from HIS perspective too. Let me explain:

My buddy worked with this guy. He was a year older then his girlfriend, when he turned 18 she was still 17. They ended up getting into a huge fight and they split up. She was mad at him and decided to run to the authorities and tell them that she had been having sex with her 18 year old BF. So even though they were in love and they chose to have sex, he has been charged with statutory rape and now has to go to these stupid sessions with REAL rapists.

Now I am not saying that you would do such a thing to him, BUT there is NO WAY for him to know this. NO matter what kind of trust you have for each other its ALWAYS a risk for him. 21 and 16, its just a sketchy situation. As far as why hes acting that way?? Well, he felt an attraction for you, thought you were older, wanted to pursue you (whether for a relationship or just to get some) and then he found out how old you were. He still had that initial attraction but logically and morally he knew he shouldn't but the temptation was hard to fight off. Temptations are hard for the strongest of us to fight off and he gave in. Now he regrets it because he knows it was wrong, he always did but he got that temptation out of his system...

So my advise? Get checked out, if your clean then call it a day with him meaning... Don't pursue this, it just wont work because of the age difference and where his life path is and where yours is. If you have something, you should press charges, because he KNEW he might have something but he was irresponsible and didnt care. If you dont want to press charges then dont, but stop talking to him. Either way this might not be healthy for you, it sounds like he just wanted to screw around where you wanted a relationship out of this. I know it sucks, but it really sounds like he doesnt want anything more then what he got... I would move on...