Should I be mad my bf is embaressed to introduce me as his gf because of my weight?

[kiki808]

My bf an I have been dating for over a year. He is a personal trainer and a track coach. He is 19 yrs.older than me but he is in very good shape. I met him at the Gym and for me it was love at first sight. He is very good at what he does and he is very athletic and active. I love him very much and living in the small island where we live a lot of people know him and im proud to say he is my bf.
But just this last Sunday i realized my boyfriend doesnt feel as proud as i am to be my bf. you see he is a trainer that has a fat gf. He has tried to help me lose weight but my bad food obsession holds me back. He gets angry and frustrated and told me he feels embaressed to tell people he is my bf. He says thats why we dont go out much and why he walks ahead of me at times and doesnt kiss or hold my hand in public. He says I have no pride in my apperance he says my face is ridiculously beautiful but i will look even better if i lost some weight. He says he does love me but to be honest he would love me more if i lost the weight.

I have a very active Job plus 3 times a wk i run at 6am the other days i workout really hard at the gym i do spinning classes and i push myself really hard. But my eating problem doesnt help. Is hard to control it and because of it i get even more sad. my bf says they are just excuses and the fact is that i dont lose weight because im just simply lazy. which makes me feel even worst.

In bed he never seems to have a problem with the weight but in public he is embaressed. Im a very pretty girl im not concided but when i go out i always get hit on. Im not disgusting fat i just have big hips and bit boobs but flat stomach.

My boyfriends words hurt but he says i have to understand is do to his profession. Should i be mad? Even though in a way i think he is right to some extend?

[Shark]

Your boyfriend should never make you feel bad like that, ever. He is saying that because he is insecure of his own image and reputation. If he was confident about how others perceived him, he wouldn't care about what others thought of his girlfriend.

You should lose weight but do it because YOU want to and because it's good to lead a healthy lifestyle. Don't do it for him. It's self-destructive to make positive changes for SOMEONE ELSE; because your not guaranteed to always have that other person in your life.

DON'T get mad at him or fight with him over this. If he is treating you badly, then withdraw attention from him or spend less time with him. But DON'T fight or become naggy and annoying. Introduce a little bit of doubt into your relationship to reignite passion. If you let your boyfriend walk all over you and let him take you for granted, it will extinguish his interest level.

[Gigabitch]

I don't think you're a good match. He's committed his life to something that you find incredibly difficult to join him in doing and he is WAY too old for you. He should be your trainer, not your boyfriend.

[QueenofCorona]

I think the only thing you need to lose is him. Yuck. Sad. You deserve so much better. Be with someone who is proud to be with you. Be with someone who loves you for you, the whole package. He's not even a real man. A real man will proudly stand next to the woman he loves, you don't have to always love every single thing about your partner but his behavior is despicable.

[girl68]

He shouldn't make you feel like that but you really need to work on the food obsession. This is probably a downward spiral. The more he makes you feel bad the more you feel compelled to make yourself feel good with greasy goodness. The more he wants you to lose weight the more you feel like you shouldn't have to. And on and on... dump him AND lose weight.

[kiki808]

I would like to thank everyone who replied to my sad pathetic story. I think I have a serious problem though. My mind tells me Im better off alone but I cant make myself let go. I tried to break up with him but he doesnt let me. He gives me the guilt trip and starts askng things like "You wanna throw over a yr away" or "Are you just gonna give up on us" . That makes me think about stuff and I realize I love him more than I should.

He came back from vacation and he said he was gonna change his attitude to see if things work out. He is really busy ALL THE TIME. I have to schedule time to be able to see him and its hard to get him to spend time with me. He said that he has to think of #1 person first and thats him then he said that his mom is the most important thing next and then his career and his son. (who he adopted from his marriage) His son is now in college. Then he said that he'll try to see me when ever he has time.

Is it just me or when you are in a relationship with someone you shouldnt have to say I'll try to see you when I have time? It hurts that he will plan for everything for meetings, vacation, his mom, his son, his pets, but he wont plan for us to spend time together.

So I find myself doing the most pathetic thing ever and beg for time and some attention. I find myself asking to spend the night even if i just go really late like around 10:30pm just to be able to spend time with him. Last night thats what i did. After him being mean about it and saying "FINE" like its annoying i finally come over and I feel hate and resentment towards him when I finally see him. I catch myself picking fights when im with him cause im so pissed at myself for having no dignity...

Sorry to everyone who thinks this is pathetic but I really dont have gf i can talk to and in a way this helps me realise some of the pain i feel and i see the point of view of other people.

Thanks again...

[warriormaiden]

I don't find you pathetic. Actually, you kinda remind me of me in the last few months of my last relationship. I wanted to be with him, but he was always busy, or was pulling away from me. But of course, if he wanted some ass, oh, I better be available! I hated myself for needing him so much.

It's time for you to let him go, Kiki. He is obviously set in his ways, and to me, my boyfriend saying 'I have to make time for you' is one big red flag saying that the relationship is coming to an end. You are suffering mentally and emotionally over this guy. You need to let him go, and find someone who will truly value you, no matter how you looked. From your discription, I don't find anything wrong with you. To me, it just sounds like he wants you to lose weight so HE'LL feel better. Douchebag.

Dump him. It's not worth going through this kind of torture all so you can love him. There are FAR better men out there.

[qwertz]

He sounds like a dick, have you put the weight on since you started dating or did you weigh the same when he met you? How overweight are you talking? like your height/weight raio?

[kiki808]

Im 5'2 and im around 180. mostly on my hips. but i have the kind of body that if i were to lose the weight i would look really good. Atleast thats what im always told by friends at the gym. I have a very small mid section and i dont have a any flabby skin or rolls lol. I work out a lot i love it. thats the only reason why i dont gain weight. but i dont lose any because of my bad eating or should i say binging.

[Kaius]

You don't need that kind of punishment from your man. I mean, society is hard enough on fat people.
I've been overweight for the last 15 years. I am 5'9" male, and used to weigh 205 lbs. Kinda fat.
I now weigh 169, not super skinny, but pretty comfortable for now. My GF is a former triathlete / personal trainer.
She never thought anything about my weight. She loved my chubbiness. She loved me for me.
But I made the conscious decision to lose weight because my health was affected. I want to do active things
with my GF, and I want to live long enough to see my kids grow up. I also want to eventually marry my GF and
spend a long healthy life with her. Those were my motivation. Plus, sex is sooooo much better when you
are in better shape...it's true.

[cmacattack1]

He can pull the guilt trip on you all he wants, but his behavior isn't going to change and his emotional abuse of you is punishing. Yes, he is abusing you, he is treating you like you are subhuman in front of other people.

He isn't very confident, if he was and he actually loved you for you, he wouldn't act like he does and treat you like that in public. His reputation means more to him than anything else, and he wants somebody to hook up with that nobody knows about. I don't think you imagined a relationship to be like this and it really isn't. Too bad his reputation won't have sex with him.

I know you fell for him and are head over heels and you really can't help how you feel. But you are in control of this and by caving in to his guilt trip, you are selling yourself short and enabling him. Do not feel guilty because you are not happy and you have to put you first here. It's going to suck and you will feel really guilty for it, but it will help you move forward to a healthy relationship and grow into a more mature individual.

I know you are very self conscious of your weight and that is a whole seperate issue. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with somebody else. And you can be a better healthier person. Focus on that and don't let abusive men like that make you feel like you are embaressing to them and hold you back.

[sunnybunny8212]

he is wrong for making you feel insecure at times, and then again, because he is a fitness trainer
he will be tough, naturally. so in a way forgive him, but tell him to back the hell off, because thats wrong.

all that pushing you do in the gym, do it at home too, by making the better choices of what you eat.
it takes about 21 days to break a habit, so im sure you'll get very far.

you should also want to look better for yourself, then you wont feel sad and want to eat when you get upset
(been there done that, i know how it feels, because ive been through a similar issue)
he should be by your side no matter what, and helping you, and giving you the best support!
and you should want it too! but if he cant accept your "appearance" and if thats everything for him, id put
my foot up his ring pipe, and bid him good day! id strip him to pieces!

i hope that helps
<3

[readyrabbit]

To be honest? His being embarassed about "your weight" has nothing to do with your weight. It has everything to do with him.

Take care of your appearance for YOU. Your radiance is important, as a woman.

[daniella]

If you feel like you love him, you might want to try to work it out, maybe try making plans with him or just putting yourself in his plans? And talk to him in depth about how you feel, don't yell or get into an argumentative mode, just try to talk...
But it sounds like he is just bringing your self esteem down. Which you DO NOT need! Women have so much pressure to be skinny and look like those people on tv... It sounds like your body totally fits you... Don't lose weight just because he says something.
My boyfriend brought up my weight before also... But approached it differently: I was small in high school and I had gained about 20lbs since I graduated... & my boyfriend now new me in high school... so we were talking about my weight & i did change some eating habits and worked out more.. He brought it up first but I wanted to do it for myself also.
But I agree with the people saying that it has to do with him.... It seems like he might be insecure about himself; if he was confident, I think he would have absolutely no problem flaunting you!

[klonk]

80% is what you eat and 20% is how you work out

he shouldn't be embarrassed of you but you should also do something about your weight for your health =]