Why did you fall in love?

[sookie6]

Hi Guys

I've been on and off the forum recently...but I have got this question spinning in my head and thought you were the right crowd to ask

Sorry if this is a duplicate question...one that's been asked over and over but I'm thinking there are always new people on the forum so a fresh look into things is always welcome!

I'm wondering why people fall in love...I'm trying to focus on love not lust because this one is easy...Why do people stop looking one day and decide that this is the right person for them...

Do you think it's about the right timing? the right personality match? the feeling that's someone neurosis is completing yours?

Is it about meeting someone who shares the same values or someone who challenges you everyday?

Is it about the sexual chemistry? (back to lust again?)

Or is it possible to meet one person who combines all these ingredients?

I can"'t wait for your replies..I need to point out that I'd welcome real life stories rather than theories...

So tell us about how you fell in love? and why?

[Gigabitch]

Sookie, I was just wondering where you were a couple of days ago.

For myself, I believe it was mainly chemical. He was just... right, you know? He always was, even when he was too young to be a good prospect as a serious boyfriend. I still was madly in love with him, even though it was clear the timing wasn't right. Now the timing IS right, and the feelings haven't diminished.

[sookie6]

So does it mean you are together now Gigabitch?

Yes I was on and off...I did a bit of temping + did not succeed at an exam I was taking (came fourth when there were only 3 vacancies)...really disheartened with that...but I'm now interviewing and hopefully with Spring things will look up...

Luckily I live in a very quite place over the winter but from Spring it becomes spectacular!!! So my moods are up again!

[Gigabitch]

Yes, we're together. He's the right guy for me.

I'm glad you're feeling optimistic. Post pics of the spectacularness!

[sookie6]

Yes, we're together. He's the right guy for me.

I'm glad you're feeling optimistic. Post pics of the spectacularness!

I promise I will. I'm soon doing my yearly seaside drive to celebrate Summer, I'll definitely take pics and post them here.

Giga can I ask the age gap???

[Gigabitch]

I promise I will. I'm soon doing my yearly seaside drive to celebrate Summer, I'll definitely take pics and post them here.

Giga can I ask the age gap???

Only a couple of years, but when I met him, he was 23, and who could get serious about a 23-year-old?

[lahnnabell]

It's a lot of what you described combined. Some guys have more to offer than others. For the most part it was a matter of chemistry, similar life styles, etc. My guy and I have amazing chemistry and after nearly a year together it still astounds me. I am so in love with him and I'm so happy he feels the same way.

I've dated several different types of guys, so I can't say it's always about one thing. Dated the sports lover, the artist, the poet, the world traveler... I think what really gets me is what a guy is passionate about. He's gotta have something driving him. My own brand of positive energy feeds off of people's positive energy, and so I seek out others who are generally happy. However, as we know, many people can start out happy until they start dumping their baggage on you. In all of my past relationships, when all of my exes have tried to check their baggage with me, things would go downhill. Many of them were incredibly unaware of what they were doing, and so I was forced to alter my standards again.

The timing was just right too. I had been out of my last relationship for 6 months and had just spent those last 6 months rebounding and messing around. Finally, I decided it was time to calm down and focus on ME. Right after I made that decision, he walked into my life. The more time we spent together the more we couldn't be away from each other. It was intoxicating.

I have found someone educated, attentive, loyal, interesting, funny, hard-working, SELF AWARE, affectionate, and I could go on. He's a full package and I adore him.

[sookie6]

What you are describing is really beautiful Lahanna...I hope I can experience something like this one day...

[girl68]

Why do people stop looking one day and decide that this is the right person for them...

Do you think it's about the right timing? the right personality match? the feeling that's someone neurosis is completing yours?

Is it about meeting someone who shares the same values or someone who challenges you everyday?

Is it about the sexual chemistry? (back to lust again?)

Or is it possible to meet one person who combines all these ingredients?

Why did I stop looking that is simple? I'd found someone who I am content with.
Has a lot to do with timing, if HE wasn't ready to stop sowing his wild oats it would never work. I've been prepared to not look as soon as I found a suitable guy so the timing for me per se was always right.
Personaility: most definately has to match. I have to be able to enjoy the things he does and he for me (to a certain degree, not exclusively)
I'm already a complete person: but a good partner is just that a partner in life, but each could survive independantly.
Values should be shared. Too many clashes will in turn just make you argue especially if they are urber important issues that you don't see eye to eye on.
Challenges: I do NOT like to be challenged. I do not like to be told I am wrong, (though freely admit it when I am) so I don't agree with this notion. However contrary to that my guy makes me want to be a better person, but if he 'challenged' me often I'd leave him that to me is no longer a partnership but more of a authority figure therfore you are no longer equals.
Sexual chemisty: after the inital liking of personality is THE MOST important thing for me in my relationships. Without it I have nothing, with it combined with the personaility match is magical and I would not be able to survive a relationship without this component.

The how was easy: he was damn funny, good looking and he adored me. He couldn't get enough of me and I fell, hard. I slept over the first night of and never left. 3 years and going strong still.

[cmacattack1]

I read this thread up and down and I honestly don't have much to say from personal experience. I guess I haven't been in love and haven't felt what you guys have felt. I literally stared at this for 15 minutes and drew nothing but a blank.

Timing is huge though and there are many instances where relationships that could otherwise work out, simply don't. You weren't ready, they weren't ready, you both weren't ready. I feel like rarely it's not like meeting somebody completely changes who you are and what you want, even if a couple girls I dated completely changed their tune when they dated me. It's just that you or they were in a good place for it, and even if they weren't completely on board when you first met, some things take a little time. A drastic change, where you find yourself wishing they would be somebody else? Nah, not realistic.

Being comfortable with who you are, knowing what you want, and having something you are passionate about all tie into what we are all attracted to: confidence. As Lahnna said, being self aware is huge though because if you aren't aware of your glaring negative attributes, that confidence could easily be conceited...ness. Is that a word?

[lahnnabell]

C-Mac, I think it's gonna hit you like a ton of bricks when it does happen. You're not even gonna know what hit you. I can't wait for that day when you come on here asking us why it is you can't eat, or sleep, and all you do is think about this one girl. That's the text book "falling in love" criteria, but you catch my drift. Even better if this future girl is on your page as well. That's why my guy and I click so well. We were both completely taken by surprise when we found each other, and we couldn't get enough of one another. We weren't running around chasing each other, we just always found ourselves wanting to be together. Ridiculously cheesy and awesome.

[xxazurexx]

We weren't running around chasing each other, we just always found ourselves wanting to be together.

I think that is when you know you've found someone special

[exprezo]

Maybe I m not in the position to reply this...coz I just broke up last Sunday. But I have decided to put down my opinion. To me my "soul mate" has to be click with me, being click means we share almost the same value even tho I cannot say has to be 100%. We are just humans, right? But same mentality, same value, SOME same interest so I can hang out with him and do stuffs together [at times], HONEST [coz I hate cheaters] and all-round person. To me, I am a learner and if that person knows a lot [not saying educational smart]..that quality attracts me...I will adore or admire him alottttttt and keep me going. I think to have what I listed above..is to avoid too much conflicts of interest or argument which MAY lead to breakups.

To: lahnnabell

I admire wat you described. Is it really true? Once you have decided not to mess around...your guy appeared in ur life? I began to believe in..wishes like that that somebody UP there is planning fo you/us.

Anyway......who m I to speak.....I just lost my guy I described here

[lahnnabell]

I've never been one to just believe that the right person will appear in your life. People hop in and out of others' lives every day. However, this one does feel different. There wasn't pressure from him, and I didn't put any pressure on him either. We just melded so well together. I was actually supposed to leave for a job around that time as well. I was looking into getting a job with a really awesome company in SF, and my guy and I were spending a lot of time together. It was scary at first, feeling so strongly. Eventually we talked about it and I told him I was worried he would start pulling away from me in an attempt to detach. He said that he felt like he should, but that it would be useless to pretend that he didn't want to be around me. We both decided to enjoy what time we did have together. The job fell through and I ended up staying, and I'm so grateful. Maybe you'd call this fate? Not sure if that's something I want to put stock in.

I made the decision not to mess around for me. I was done rebounding, had a lot of bad sex, and I didn't feel like expending anymore effort for any guys. I was perfectly content to work and just be on my own. When I first met him, we became fast friends. This slowly transformed the more we hung out. We spent a lot of time spending nights with one another, but nothing ever happened during the first couple of weeks. We would cuddle in bed and sleep. After he kissed me the first time, we kept things at the same pace. Neither of us brought up the word "relationship" or "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". We were simply content to spend as much time together as could. We barely ever discussed becoming official. When we finally did talk about it, it was as if it had already happened. We both "just knew" that there was no competition.

I don't give God or some higher being the credit. I don't know exactly how it happened. But we're together and that is all that matters. I've been through some pretty rough relationships, and I've learned so much from each of them. Each of those past relationship failures gives me the drive to make this one even better.

I've been in love before though. I think a lot of that has to do with how I see the world. I'm rather enamored with the world itself and this makes a lot of things seem beautiful when others may not think so. I'll always be a child at heart in this way, I think.

[sookie6]

I've been through some pretty rough relationships, and I've learned so much from each of them. Each of those past relationship failures gives me the drive to make this one even better.

This one thing I truly believe in...at least past hurt is never for nothing!

In my humble opinion I think Cmattack and Lahnna should write a book on relationships...you always write great stuff + I can't believe you're so young and know so much.