Wants to be friends again...is this going to work..

[TD1128]

First time poster in need of advice. This is going to be a long backstory but please bear with me because I need some advice (that is why I got on here). About 4 years ago I met a girl who's family was a good friend of my Aunt at my cousin's quincinera. I asked her to dance and we ended up hitting it off. She was going into her Senior Year of high school and I was going into my Sophmore year of College. For her whole Senior year we were on the phone almost every night and I even went up to see her two times. I was always respectful and was a gentleman at all times (especially around her parents). I ended up winning over her parents which wasn't as easy a task as I thought it would be. Her father is a very successful Doctor and her mother is a strict, old school by the book Catholic. Anyways, she ended up going to a different college than me but we still talked almost every night. Nevertheless, I still visited her and this is when our relationship got physical and sexual. It even got to the point where she started mentioning the L word. I never said it, but told her multiple times that she was the most important woman in my life other than my mother. We mutually agreed to not be official "bf or gf" because her parents forbid it. They did not want their daughter being distracted from school in her first semester of college and threatened to force her to move back home and attend a local college. Well, at the very end of the semester she completely changed. She started to get distant, started to be extremley rude to me (often times insulting), ignored my calls and texts, would tell me she was spending the night at a friends house and hinted that it was a guy, when I visited she ignored me and played with her cell phone, and then when something bad happened in my life and I needed to talk to someone she sent me a text saying "hey im on a date"...then called me 20 minutes later just to be completely rude. Needless to say, I had enough. I ended it. I told her these exact words, "I am never going to contact you again, but if you ever need to talk about anything, I will be the friend that I am and listen to you and be a friend...but it wont be me contacting you, ever." Well 2 years went by and she never contacted me, but her family stayed friends with my Aunt. Recently I was told that she was going through a hard time. Her mother and father are in the middle of an ugly divorce and her mother has suffered 3 mini-strokes. She has not seen her father in over a year. I originally didn't feel too sympathetic because I came from a broken home and my mother has always had a heart condition (she literally almost died when she had my sister). Apparently, she has been "dating" ( I am not sure if they are officially together) a loser that her mother does not approve of. Her mother called my Aunt to tell her all this and brought me up. Apparently she really wants to me call her daughter and get back into her daughters life. Originally I said "No Way". Then I thought about it and decided to send her a facebook message. I thought after 2 years should would never message me back so I didnt expect anything back. I just wanted to be able to say I reached out to a friend when she needed someone to not make myself look that bad. I was very nice and polite. I told her that she was at one point one of my best friends and that I wanted to be friends again. I asked her for her number and told her that I wanted to catch up...She messaged me back a day later ( I expected after 2 years of no contact and her dating another guy, she would have taken at least 3 days to even consider sending me a message back). She gave me her number and wants to talk soon.


Finally... my questions : Why do you think it took her that fast to message me back after 2 years of no contact by me and dating another guy (that seems a little inconsiderate to the guy shes dating)?. Second, how long should I wait before I send her my first text ( I sent it Monday and I got a response tuesday)? Third, can we really be "friends"? fourth, is there even a slight chance she may have feelings for me? After our first phone conversation, how much should I text her (once a two months, one month, 2 weeks, a week)? Since her, I have been with alot of girls, but none of them I cared for nearly as much as her...am I setting myself up for heartbreak again? And lastly and most importanly....How do I win this girl back if I wanted to? Im a guy who knows what he wants in life. I want her. How do I get her after 2 years of no contact and shes dating a guy? What are the chances? Women, how would you feel if an old flame came back into your life after 2 years of contact whatsoever? Hit me with the honest truth, thats why I got on here.

[anonymous12345]

Was bored so i took the time to read your post. My thinking is that you're way OVER thinking. Just treat her as you would with a normal friend. Don't play those stupid games of when to contact her and when not to. Show no interest in getting back with her. Let her make the moves if she wants you back othewise your there as a FRIEND. Don't go beyond anything than you would with any friend. If she knows your trying to get her back than the ball is in her court and she's just going to play with you again if she hasn't changed at all. Use this catching up to measure her and if she has changed at all. But don't initiate anything and remember ur just her friend.

[Kelsey777]

Friendship's fine, but I wouldn't date her. That is so messed up that her parents dare to intervene in her personal life after she's over 18. That's nuts. She's gonna go wild. When parents are ridiculously rigid with kids during their life, when they get out of there go to college, etc. They Go CRAZY. If my parents threatened me to change universities, because I wanted to date a guy...I would tell them to go..**** themselves, and go to school without parental help. That girl must have issues, I would if that was me.
Be careful she doesnt play head games with you if she is dating someone. Best luck.