I'm getting tired of starting again, I love her...

[SomeGuy...]

There is this girl in college, with which I share some courses. She is what you could call my type, I like everything about her, how she looks, how she talks, how she walks… Recently I got attracted to her, we’re good friends but there’s more. We talked about it and we both feel it. She has a boyfriend though, and she doesn’t want to break up with him, and I don’t want that either. He seems a nice guy and I don’t want to be the one who breaks up relationships and I don’t want a relationship on the bases of a broken one. She never cheated on him, nothing happened but talking between us. But I can’t stop loving her. And I don’t want to move on. I’m tired of being told that I’m a nice guy and I’ll find someone out there who’s right for me. It’s something different every time, either she has a boyfriend, she just broke up, she can’t commit, ...

I’d do anything for a girl if I love her, I’m sportive, not unattractive, outgoing, have a good sense of humor,… At the risk of sounding pretentious, I’m not a bad boyfriend. I want the person I love to be happy, but that always seems to imply that I should be unhappy…

When I see what some people have, I want that, I want to have someone to tell, I want someone to celebrate with we’re together one year (not break up after 6 months)... And what I feel for this girl is different of everything else I ever felt for someone… I’m not a bad guy, I don’t want her to brake up with her boyfriend and I don’t want her to cheat or be unhappy. But it just seems ****** up I fall for the wrong girl or at the wrong time. And normally I would just go out and meet new people, as I would advice people myself, but I’m really getting tired of that… I'm not depressed or anything, it just sucks...

Some advice, thoughts, opinions? I'm lost here, fed up really. I don't know what the hell i should do or what's expected of me...

[Alvy]

How long have you known her for? It sounds more like an infatuation than anything else...if all that attracts you to her is her look, her way of talking and how she holds herself...that's not much of a basis. What about her values? Principles? Morals? Does she have a backbone? Do you have the same train of thought? If you're looking for a proper, long term 'relationship' while you're in college...you're looking in the wrong place. Most girls in the college age spectrum are, well, emotionally dumb - to put it lightly. Best advice, don't try and look for love, it'll backfire on you more often than not. Ignore relationships, don't expect anything from the girls you talk to. Again, it's a cliche, but focus on yourself. Give girls a reason to be with you. Being 'good boyfriend material' isn't good enough.

[SomeGuy...]

I've known her about 2 years, but only recently got to know her better. Maybe it is an infatuation, but do i'm tired of falling for wrong girl... Well, i don't know what college is like in Australia, but there are just s much serious girls at my college as bimbo's of the highest degree. I can get together with girl, date, sleep, etc but i see some of my friends who are in stable relationships and i want that. Now I wan't someone to tell i love, to tell me the same thing, to celebrate an anniversary with, to travel with...

[RdHrshyKss]

you can get that, just doesn't sound like this girl is the right one, for right now. i know it's rough, and it gets depressing when things seem like they aren't working out for you, but patience is key. you will find someone eventually, keep your hopes up and keep fighting for the love you are looking for. when you do find it, it will have been worth the wait...

[Alvy]

Have you tried asking your friends about their relationships? Maybe they could give you more specific pointers since they know you personally. Why should a girl be in a relationship with you? What do you have to offer that other guys don't? There's plenty of guys to pick from in college, why should a girl be involved with you? Is there anything about your friends who are in a relationship that makes them stand out? Do they have a quirky sense of humor? Do they have eclectic tastes in terms of music/movies? How are their personalities different from yours?

It sounds as if you're too desperate to be in a serious relationship, and just about every girl can sense that, which in turn will scare them, which will drive them away.

[SomeGuy...]

I'm not desperate, I just want something more then dating, sleeping,... Is that so extra-ordinary?

[RdHrshyKss]

you sound like a pretty grounded guy, which is a good thing. as long as you know what kinda girl you want, go out and look for it. don't compare yourself to other people too much, what they have that you don't...it will just make you feel sorry for yourself and that will do you no good. just be positive, have your friends try setting you up with someone. try meeting people through hobbies you enjoy. you will find someone eventually...

this girl you like, who says she likes you too, obviously doesn't know what she wants. she doesn't want to risk ruining the relationship she is in to date you. and like you said, starting a relationship with someone off of a broken one is not a good start. your best bet is to keep your head up, someone will eventually cross your path that will take your mind off of this girl.

[Alvy]

Really, the best thing to do is forget about finding love. Focus on school/your job/sports. Some are fortunate enough to be involved with someone. But there are also plenty of people who are single, but also perfectly happy. Think of it this way, if you do get in a relationship, will you be able to handle it along with everything else in your life? Will you be able to dedicate time not only for her, but school, work, family, and your own leisure time? Will you be able to handle any arguments in an adult and mature fashion? Will you be able to stand her when she gets into a bitchy mood? What about the inevitable feelings of jealousy when she also spends time with her own friends without you? What about the guys friends she'll have? How will you deal with situations where you feel she doesn't love you anymore?

[RdHrshyKss]

i disagree. all the stuff you listed are things he needs to learn for himself, you learned those from your own experiences and he needs to do the same. you might not be ready for all that, but he may be and wouldn't know unless he experienced it.

college is a good time to experiment and see exactly what you need. most relationships in college are test trials. they are experiences that help you figure out what you want/need in a relationship, what makes you happy. who knows, maybe you'll be lucky and find the right girl straight away. he sounds like he wants someone he can love and care for and get the same in return, props to him for that...most guys i knew in college were just worried about getting laid, it was really sad

[Alvy]

I've already dealt with all of that with my partner. He may be ready to commit to a person, but that still leaves the question of why should any girl commit to him?

[RdHrshyKss]

we're all talking about commitment and stuff already and he doesn't even have a girl yet! he just needs to be positive, get himself out there, find someone through mutual friends or hobbies he enjoys so that there is that common interest. once things start rolling with someone, then he can start thinking about all these crazy questions