I Feel Like I Was Raped Last Night

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I wasn't technically, but it was what I imagined being raped felt like.

Ever since the second baby, my sex drive has been at an all time low. Sex is the farthest thing from my mind these days. But of course, my boyfriend doesn't feel the same way.

He's started this new thing where he would just randomly start sucking on my breasts while I'm sleeping. At first, it was like whatever, but now I really ****ing hate it.

Last night he did it, and then climbed on top of me. I didnt want to do it, but I did it to make him happy. I feel like I'm obligated to do things I dont want to do when it comes to our relationship so I can make him happy. I don't want him to go out and cheat on me, so I laid there and did it.

I didn't enjoy it one bit. As a matter of fact, I cried silently throughout the whole thing.

Afterwards I went to bathe and he was sitting on the bed moping. I asked him what was wrong and he said he felt like he raped me.

I explained to him that I felt like I was raped, but I didnt think that was his intention. Now he just randomnly gets all depressed and he's taking it out on me like it's all my fault. He's saying he can't even look at me, like I did something wrong.

I laid there and did something I didnt want to do to try and make him happy and he turns around and takes it the hell out on me? Seriously?! What the hell am I supposed to do??!!

I've been having a rough day, and I would really like you guys' input on how you would've handled it.

I'm on the verge of calling the relationship quits because he wants something that I don't and I can not see myself ever doing that again. It was horrible. My sex drive is even lower now.

A little while ago he grabbed me around my waist and I jumped out of fear. I feel as if I am afraid to have sex.

I know this story sounds pretty ****ing trollish, but I don't know how else to word it, and the situation is affecting my daily life.

[pcmaster]

This story sounds is a bit heavy for this forum - maybe you both better go and get a professional advice.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I've been with this forum for over two years and I have talked to the regulars about alot of different things I've been through.

I just want an opinion on how you all would have handled the situation being in my position.

[Charlie Boy II]

heavy Nisha, sorry you're going through a tough time.

I guess the lesson here is that you shouldn't sleep with your boyfriend just to make him happy. Next time just tell him no.

Maybe you should see a Dr about your low sex drive, if you haven't already

[marc1983]

I dont think there is any other way you couldve handled it on the night. I would seriously get some help as to why you feel how you do about sex. I would in the mean time just let your boyfriend know you have this issue and that you want to do something about it. I'm sure he will be supportive as it must be making him feel terrible too.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I guess my reason for just doing it was because I listen to guys at work everyday saying if their girlfriend doesnt want to give it up they'll just get it elsewhere and these are guys in our age brackets.

I haven't seen a doctor as yet, but I think another reason why it is so low is because I am like seriously afraid of becoming pregnant again. I mean, we wear protection, but I always think the worst will happen. I really don't want another child right now.

[Charlie Boy II]

well you'll probably agree that no sex is better than sex that makes you feel like you've been raped, and that makes him feel like he's raped you.

Can't you go on the pill?

Birth control really isn't that hard, and it's pretty safe. I've never got a girl pregnant.

[TheGoodGuy]

I wasn't technically, but it was what I imagined being raped felt like.

Ever since the second baby, my sex drive has been at an all time low. Sex is the farthest thing from my mind these days. But of course, my boyfriend doesn't feel the same way.

He's started this new thing where he would just randomly start sucking on my breasts while I'm sleeping. At first, it was like whatever, but now I really ****ing hate it.

Last night he did it, and then climbed on top of me. I didnt want to do it, but I did it to make him happy. I feel like I'm obligated to do things I dont want to do when it comes to our relationship so I can make him happy. I don't want him to go out and cheat on me, so I laid there and did it.

I didn't enjoy it one bit. As a matter of fact, I cried silently throughout the whole thing.

Afterwards I went to bathe and he was sitting on the bed moping. I asked him what was wrong and he said he felt like he raped me.

I explained to him that I felt like I was raped, but I didnt think that was his intention. Now he just randomnly gets all depressed and he's taking it out on me like it's all my fault. He's saying he can't even look at me, like I did something wrong.

I laid there and did something I didnt want to do to try and make him happy and he turns around and takes it the hell out on me? Seriously?! What the hell am I supposed to do??!!

I've been having a rough day, and I would really like you guys' input on how you would've handled it.

I'm on the verge of calling the relationship quits because he wants something that I don't and I can not see myself ever doing that again. It was horrible. My sex drive is even lower now.

A little while ago he grabbed me around my waist and I jumped out of fear. I feel as if I am afraid to have sex.

I know this story sounds pretty ****ing trollish, but I don't know how else to word it, and the situation is affecting my daily life.

Hi,

I know I'm new here and until I started having relationship problems, I'd never have considered signing up to a forum like this, but here I am, and now I want to offer some advice before I go whining about my own story. My wife also never wants to have sex. Last time we had sex was January and even though I'm randy as hell, I've had to take myself out of our marital bed. I'm speaking from my own point of view here, but I think a lot of men probably feel like this. I don't want to make her have sex against her will. I know if I push it or pressure her, she will have sex with me. Not only does that make the sex less enjoyable though, it also makes me feel bad afterwards, for the same reasons as your boyfriend. When I get the horn, all this logic can fly out the window quicker than you can say erection. Once I see the woman I love next to me, and I get excited, it's almost impossible not to try to initiate sex. I could understand if she said she felt forced at times like you do.
I think you need to let him know that you want to fix your sex-drive, but until it is fixed or at least recovering, he should keep his distance from you, sexually. Maybe it would be best to not share a bed for a while, so he doesn't get tempted and you don't have to feel guilty for rejecting him. It won't be nice for either of you, but I think it's what you need to do to get the relationship right again. You do realise that you can't continue to have the relationship at the (sexual) pace you're currently happy with, right? Something has to give. Either you bring your sex-drive into a state that aligns more closely with his, or you call it a day. The way I see it, they're your only options.

I hope this helps.

[VincenzoG91]

Relationships fail without good communication. Start talking or split up. This shouldn't have happened, but it did, due to bad communication. If you can't talk, you shouldn't be sharing a bed.

[lastwish]

Take birth control pills. They are very effective at protecting against pregnancy.

[IndiReloaded]

Geeze Nish, I thought it was a troll making this thread and then I saw your name and thought 'OMG!".

I expect you are close to exhausted with the new baby. A reduced sex drive is entirely understandable. I would say your feelings are within the range of normal.

What you need to watch for is that your disinterest doesn't grow into resentment. The fact you are both aware things went sideways and both feel bad about it means you should talk about it. But this isn't like rape--he's not forcing you into sex to feel powerful. He sounds just as upset as you that you didn't enjoy it.

I think you should be upfront about your disinterest but reassure him it doesn't mean you hate sex or him--it just means you are tired!

There was a thread a little while back (Fras's thread?) where we discussed the fact that relationships involve an exchange of favours. Not everyone agreed, but those who have been in a relationship for a while understood the point. You probably need some relief from some of your duties as a new mom, he's probably horny. So, maybe, you can discuss some ways he can help you feel less tired, and he can give you a bit more warning about his needs--maybe you can give him a nice hand or blowjob if you aren't feeling like full intercourse and not in the middle of the night.

Something like that. I expect the rest of the V-MIG team will comment as well as others. But you guys are fine, don't panic about this.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

I replied but I guess it didnt go through.

Thanks for the replies. They are all pretty helpful.

He did say it was because he felt bad for what happened, but I feel like it's being taken out on me like I did something wrong.

He keeps calling it rape, and I know it isnt rape, but he doesnt want to accept that.

As for BCP's, I have a bad habit of not sticking to pills. I started out with them and just stopped taking them. They've changed my period though.

I love him dearly, and want to work things out.

He moved back up by his mother's house for the time being. I guess we both need some space seeing as we see each other so much in the day(We both work at the same place and live together)

I think part of why I am so disinterested in sex aside from being physically disinterested is because I dont get the chance to miss him. We see each other so much throughout the day at work, then we come home to two kids with their demands, and I am too annoyed and tired to spend time with him anyway.

I'm thinking on getting a new job to see if things change. Maybe that could be a major reason. If there's no huge change, I just may have to take it up with a doctor asap.

[misombra]

being around him all the time coupled with being tired is rough. BUT you should not be having sex with him out of fear that he is going to cheat on you. men in good relationships with beautiful women who get lots of sex cheat. a cheater is going to cheat no matter what. there's nothing you can do to control it. and doing it when you don't want to is not any kind of solution. also haven't you read the many threads that come across this forum about men who are not getting sex from their wives or girlfriends for months and months and sometimes years who do not want to cheat. they would do anything to work out a solution with THEIR OWN partner.

it's like if you work at a job and you hear that people get fired if they don't screw their boss, so you go and do it. you weren't forced to do so.

you need to be a little more secure with yourself nisha. if he cheats on you then that is his fault, not yours.

you also need to have a little talk with him about how to initiate sex. waking you up by sucking on your big, luscious titties and just climbing on top of you to screw is not how you do it. if you're afraid to tell him how you like it or when you like it or afraid to tell him no because you think he's gonna cheat you're never going to solve this problem and he is never going to get sex from you.

ultimately though i think you need to take some responsibility here. you did it when you didn't want to. be strong woman! speak up for yourself and don't sell yourself short.

[vashti]

There was a thread a little while back (Fras's thread?) where we discussed the fact that relationships involve an exchange of favours. Not everyone agreed, but those who have been in a relationship for a while understood the point. You probably need some relief from some of your duties as a new mom, he's probably horny. So, maybe, you can discuss some ways he can help you feel less tired, and he can give you a bit more warning about his needs--maybe you can give him a nice hand or blowjob if you aren't feeling like full intercourse and not in the middle of the night.
.

I agree with this advice. Also, I think you should look into some form of birth control that doesn't require you to remember it on a daily basis... norplant?

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

waking you up by sucking on your big, luscious titties and just climbing on top of you to screw is not how you do it.

That one made LOL!!!!!!

I agree with this advice. Also, I think you should look into some form of birth control that doesn't require you to remember it on a daily basis... norplant?

What's norplant? I've never heard of that.