So I have been talking to my ex via email for like the past two years (we broke up almost three years ago) our conversation ranges from just friends talking to conversations about us having sex, since we dated for two years and I never gave it up to him. Its my biggest regret that I didn’t lose my virginity to him. He was my first love and he broke my heart.
During one of the gaps in us talking, I got asked out to dinner by this guy in one of my classes. As a rule of thumb I do not date, because I do not want to get hurt and I am secretly still waiting on my first love. But that doesn’t stop me from having fun, oh no I’ve had a good bit of fun, fun that I chose not to tell my ex. So you know going out to dinner wouldn’t be bad at all. So I went and then we started hanging out. And somehow I don’t know how the hell it happened we got serious-ish. The night that we made if “facebook official” (god I hate that term) I get an email from my ex. My ex doesn’t have a facebook he thinks its going to be downfall of us all, so he knows nothing of my changed relationship status. So of course I reply back to him. So over the course of the past few weeks as my boyfriend and I get more serious the conversation between my ex and I also becomes more serious but granted we don’t talk every day.
On my birthday, my boyfriend almost slipped out the l word. And I knew then that I was falling for him. Then the other night he told me the reason he hadn’t said it yet was cause he knew I wasn’t ready to hear it yet. Which is the truth. The boy had been planning on going out of state to college after this year at our current university. But now hes talking about going somewhere else instate and staying here till I finish my degree. First of all I cant hold this boy back he was thinking about going there long before I came into the picture.
Now my ex and I’s conversation is border lining on cheating as he’s talking about when I come home for the summer how we should get together to fix my little regret. My boyfriend is the jealous type and so am I that’s part of the reason my ex and I broke up. My boyfriend’s last girlfriend cheated on him and he admitted to me that he trusts me more than he’s trusted anyone else he’s dated and he said he thought he would never trust anyone else again. I’m breaking that trust, and he doesn’t even know it and its killing me. Its literately making me sick to my stomach. His mother even said I was a keeper. I donno about that.
I know I have to choose, I realize that I’m not stupid enough to think that I have my cake and eat it too. I just don’t know how to choose. Do I stay with the guy who treats me SOOO well would give me the world, and very may well be able to and who I am falling for quite hard especially when I thought I would never be able to love again. Or do I choose the guy who had my heart from day one. My first love. The guy who I am convinced I am meant to be with , if not now then later, the guy who I have waited over three years for. The guy who I am obvioulsy still in love with. If I chose my ex should I end it now, or wait until I know for sure I have him and he won’t slip away again? OR should I just give up on him and move on, but how can I move on when I have that one regret and the thought of not having him in m life at all scares me to death. But I know if I leave my boyfriend Ill regret it and miss him too. Please Please I need advice like what would you do in my situation?