I really need some help getting through this

[justincase311]

I'm not totally sure this is the correct forum, I haven't broken up with my girlfriend as of now but I think it might be the only option

My gf and I have known each other since middle school. We were always friends but not really close, after high school I didn't see or talk to her for about 6 years. We randomly met at a bowling alley back in May 2009 and hit it off. We actually had sex that night too which was probably a sign of bad things to come....

Well for the past years things have gone seemingly fine. We've had a few stupid fights but nothing major. Well a few days ago I was on what I thought was my facebook page, but she had left herself logged in. I was looking for an old message in my inbox and realized I was in her inbox. I should have stopped right there but I got curious and looked at a few of her messages. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary until I found something from October 2009 between her and a guy. I'll paraphrase it below:

Her - Hey, do you have a brother, I was in a Verizon store and saw a guy that looked just like you.
Him - Nope, did you tell him he looked like a guy you used to ****
Her - Haha, no, maybe we can make that happen again sooner than later, my bf and I are on the rocks

Needless to say I felt like throwing up after reading that. Now I don't care what she did before she met me but obviously this is cause for concern. I confronted her about it and she admitted that she had sent the guy a message but had stopped there. She said she was angry at me during one of our little fights and thats why she had done it, but she never acted on it. I understand people say things they regret when they're angry but I can't convince myself in my head that this isn't a big deal. She said she had hooked up with the guy a few times when she was drunk.

Up until this week I was planning on marrying this girl, now our relationship is forever changed. I regret reading something of hers that was personal but it's done and I can't go back.

Is there a way I can salvage this?

[Cloud206]

From my own experience i can say that girls don't say stuff like that just to say it.Besides how can she say that if she's yours.Better of without her mate.

[ftm]

How "on the rocks" were you at the time? Was this just a little argument, or were you on some kind of "break?" More info, please.

[justincase311]

How "on the rocks" were you at the time? Was this just a little argument, or were you on some kind of "break?" More info, please.

That's just the thing, as far as I knew things were fine around that time period. We had a small fight about something stupid that lasted maybe a day or two. Definitely weren't on a break.

[ftm]

That that is a pretty big alarm bell. You should take a look at some of my threads. I've been having HUGE issues with my girlfriend for a while now, and we've had some pretty catastrophic fights during that time, and I've never even gotten close to typing something like that at someone, and if she did so, there's be serious consequences.

Does she understand how much this has bothered you?
What gestures has she made to rectify this situation?
What have you asked of her?

[xxazurexx]

It is something she could have said and merely said and when she was angry with you.
People say things all the time that they don't really mean and I think that some females have a tendency to exaggerate a situation ya know.
I know and because I've done it before in the past. Fallen out with some guy and then told another guy that I'm going to leave him - when in fact I had no intention of leaving, it was said in anger. However and to my partner, it would have appeared I was dead set on leaving and because I'd mentioned it.

I can see why it gives you cause to doubt and when she said all this to some guy she hooked up when drunk.

I guess the main thing you have to be asking 'Can I trust her'? And if you are willing too forgive, you have to try to forget.

If you can't, it's over.

[justincase311]

Thanks for the replies so far, they really do help just to have someone work through your thoughts with you.

I honestly do trust her, I know she didn't do anything with the guy. It just bothers me that the thought would enter her mind, even if she doesn't act on it. I guess I never thought of her in that light, as the kind of girl who would throw away a seemingly good relationship to screw some guy in a hotel.

blah, I don't know, I love her so much and it hurts