Am I acting too jealous?

[Michaelina]

My boyfriend is a very social guy and works at a restaurant where everybody gets along really well. Often they go to a bar after work and have a few drinks. The other night among the other coworkers was a girl who he thinks is really cool (she is happily engaged to a guy who my boyfriend is actually kind of friends with). Apparently they were having a great time and she mentioned how she has two tickets to an art museum and asked if he wanted to go. Being an artist, and thinking this girl is nice, he wants to go with her and asked me if it would be ok. On the one hand it makes me super mad, why can't he make friends with a guy? He knows that I'm definitely a jealous type and get uncomfortable with him having connections with other girls, and it drives me insane thinking of them talking and laughing together, having a grand old time. But then I wonder if I'm being immature, I really believe him that he's not attracted to her, and that he really loves me, and she really loves her fiance. He says I'm ridiculous for expecting him to never have any sort of relationship with a human that has a vagina again. But I just think it's inappropriate for him to go spend quality time getting to know this other female. It almost seems like a date to me... Is this situation like nobody is right or wrong because it's different for everyone, or am I completely right or wrong? Please let me know what you think!

[lahnnabell]

She should invite her fiance in my opinion. I think the invitation sounds inappropriate for a woman who's engaged and a man who is currently taken.

[xxazurexx]

I'd be wondering why he wanted to spend quality time getting to know her, when it's time he could be devoting to me.

Men don't generally want to gallavant off to museums with women they are not attracted too, end of. Friends? What a heap of shite....

When he knows you are insecure to start with and he will add to your insecurities, he aint worth a toss IMO.

[Caleb]

As one jealous person to another, I say screw the bitch. She has no business taking your boyfriend out on a date without her shaparone (i`m sorry, "fiance"). And if I were you I would also check the expiration date on your boyfriends collar.

[KeepOnDreaming]

Maybe this doesn't really help you but I always say: I'll give you as much freedom as you need but when you cheat on me or do something wrong it's over forever.

Atleast it means you love him very much and don't want to lose him. And if he assures you that nothing will happen you have to trust him. Being jealous is hard and overcoming it is even harder but if you says it's ok this time and nothing will happen you will get over that jealousy.

Reading the posts above I can see the difference between female and male haha. He could also be friends with her. That would be ok, right?
It's hard but you have to do like the cliche tells you: 'Do what your heart tells you' That way it can never go wrong.

[xxazurexx]

^^Some of us have 'blindy trusted' before and had the same attitude as you....

'I will give you all the freedom you need, but if you cheat on me it's over forever'...

And we went on to be cheated upon and because we were so trusting.

I would never just blindly trust again.

[KeepOnDreaming]

Maybe for me it all went well, yes. I know it's not the best solution but in love there's no number one solution. Maybe women/men are different in different parts of the world. Here in my "village" I know women/men wouldn't cheat easily but when I go to Amsterdam they cheat all the time. Love is something about experience. It can make you unreachable because you've had a lot of bad moments but it can also make you very "lovesmart" because you've learned so much of it. I myself could never cheat and I don't get it why people cheat. It's so wrong.

[Caleb]

KeepOnDreaming does have a point, following your heart does indeed prove itself in most cases. However, being too naive is exactly like being overly protective. Its true that we all should strive to be in the middle, rather then being in "black and white" positions, but I say, its better being prepared then being cheated on. Its true that there is a possibility that she is just being paranoid, but no one becomes like that without a reason. Besides, in the end of the day, each has is own.

[hello1]

Um NO! she fancies your boyfriend for sure. I wouldn't want my boyfriend to go and I properly kick a big fuss over it

[xxazurexx]

Maybe for me it all went well, yes. I know it's not the best solution but in love there's no number one solution. Maybe women/men are different in different parts of the world. Here in my "village" I know women/men wouldn't cheat easily but when I go to Amsterdam they cheat all the time. Love is something about experience. It can make you unreachable because you've had a lot of bad moments but it can also make you very "lovesmart" because you've learned so much of it. I myself could never cheat and I don't get it why people cheat. It's so wrong.

You know you are right, it is different in differing parts of the world and I'm sometimes totally baffled over what I read in these forums, in regard to dating, relationships and what is acceptable elsewhere, that is just not and would not be acceptable between couples in the UK.

And of course you are right. When we have experienced most of it and we've had bad experiences, we can build up walls and become more cautious. At the same time, it does make us 'lovesmart' and because we don't go on to repeat the same mistakes, that we did in past relationships and we strive to avoid making those same mistakes ever again. I just would not tolerate now, situations that I did years ago. I was soooo dumb back then and would put up with any old shite. These days I have 'standards' and if he doesn't live up to them....goodbye from me.

[Caleb]

To each his own some just happen to be jealous people, and this is how it works lol. I say, nobody here is a genius, we are all a part of something called " loveforum.net"

[xxazurexx]

To each his own some just happen to be jealous people, and this is how it works lol. I say, nobody here is a genius, we are all a part of loveforum.net

I think 'jealousy' is often confused with 'insecurity'. Both are totally different issues.

I am not a jealous person, but I will admit at times to feeling 'insecure'. But only if I'm given a good reason, to feel 'insecure'

KeepOnDreaming does have a point, following your heart does indeed prove itself in most cases. However, being too naive is exactly like being overly protective. Its true that we all should strive to be in the middle, rather then being in "black and white" positions, but I say, its better being prepared then being cheated on. Its true that there is a possibility that she is just being paranoid, but no one becomes like that without a reason. Besides, in the end of the day, each has is own.

The people least likely to be cheated upon, are the people who are fully aware of how cheating starts and the circumstances and situations which can arise, that may and can present an opportunity for cheating to happen. It doesn't mean it will happen....you just have to be 'aware' that it can happen. Nobody is immune from cheating, no relationship is 'cheat proof'. And as much as we think a partner loves us, as much as we think we can trust a partner....it sometimes turns out we could not.

People who are aware that cheating can and does happen and it doesn't just happen to other people, are the people who are more likely to take steps and to try and 'cheat proof' their relationship/marriage. They set standards. They make it clear, what is acceptable and what is not.

The most gullible and the naive, those who turn a blind eye and think they can totally trust a partner, after all he loves me and he would NEVER cheat on me.....are the most likely people to be cheated upon.....IMO anyway.

[sookie6]

I don't think it's appropriate if you are all serious about the relationship you share with your s-o.

This sort of hanging out with opposite sex friends outside the relationship is very studenty if you want my opinion...it's what you would do at school or at uni when you are still in this social arena where befriending people is nearly as important as having a bfriend/gfriend...

Once you've taken some kinda commitment with your partner then all sorts of things are supposed to naturally change, very often without having to talk about it...and yes spending one to one moments with attractive people from the other sex is one of these irresponsible things that should be avoided...

[sookie6]

The people least likely to be cheated upon, are the people who are fully aware of how cheating starts and the circumstances and situations which can arise, that may and can present an opportunity for cheating to happen. It doesn't mean it will happen....you just have to be 'aware' that it can happen. Nobody is immune from cheating, no relationship is 'cheat proof'. And as much as we think a partner loves us, as much as we think we can trust a partner....it sometimes turns out we could not.

People who are aware that cheating can and does happen and it doesn't just happen to other people, are the people who are more likely to take steps and to try and 'cheat proof' their relationship/marriage. They set standards. They make it clear, what is acceptable and what is not.

The most gullible and the naive, those who turn a blind eye and think they can totally trust a partner, after all he loves me and he would NEVER cheat on me.....are the most likely people to be cheated upon.....IMO anyway.

I totally agree with what you are saying as one who have been cheated on and who was totally naive and also made to believe that I was my ex-bfriend number one!

[Caleb]

To be honest, personally, I wouldn't really care how one might choose to call it. `jealousy' or `insecurity. All I know for sure is that when it comes to the opposite sex, the only one on one intimate dates my fiance would go out on, would be with me. I think about it this way, if i`m going out with someone that couldn't understand my logic at all, then I would have no business being with her.