2 year relationship, Suddenly moved out

[nukewater]

Alright, I might as well post to get some opinions. I'm probably not going to like any of them, but to get some things off of my chest would be wonderful right now.

2 years ago, I met this wonderful girl. She was beautiful and petite, very loving and compassionate. She is now 19 and I'm 24.We lived 2 hours away (she lived in my home town which i frequently visited, even moreso due to her) She was just working in this town, and I had a great job where I lived, and a house and such. After about 3 months, we decided to move in together. Things were great for 2 years, she became my very best friend, we dirtbike together, played video games together, go to concerts together. Her family loves me and I love them, same with my family, all of our friends are great.

Last week she sat me down after work, and said she was leaving, and that she didn't love me anymore. She didn't mention much else that evening, but she stayed and talked for maybe 30 minutes. I was completely caught off guard. Our relationship was so full of love I could never have seen this coming. I asked what all the problems were, she said she gave me chances to change, but I don't recall there being an issue. Nothing had happened, we had no big fight, there was no incident to make her not love me. She came back on Wednesday and we talked some more. We had talked about marriage before, but we agree'd that neither of us were ready, but she definatly said she wanted to marry me, and i told her i wanted to be with her for the rest of our lives. When she left on wednesday, i asked if this was about commitment, and that I had full intents of marry'ing her, and that if it was something like a promise ring that she wanted, I had already thought about giving her one. She completely broke down and said "the worst part of this, is it took you this long to mention this" and she left, as she left, I told her that I promised to love her for the rest of her life, and to cherish and hold her, and to always strive to make her happy.

So I left for the weekend that night, back to my parents house. Had a long chat with her parents about everything, and they said they were completely caught off guard too, that things seemed perfect. They are completely on my side and are trying to help any way they can and figure things out.They went to visit her to see how things were and have a talk with her. Over the weekend I realized a few things that I needed to change. First off, I want to get her a promise ring, to give her a peice of my heart as a token of love, to show her that i want to walk her down the isle, that i want her to help me raise a family. I realized I needed to change some things, and that we should see a counseller, someone to help mediate a conversation to fix what was making her unhappy. When she is upset, she gets very quiet and doesn't say much at all. Another thing was, we live in my basement, with a few renters upstairs. I told her maybe we need to take the next step in our relationship and move upstairs, and just have us.

So Sunday night I had stopped by with something for her from her parents, we talked for half hour, it was nice, nothing big, asked to take her out for supper some night. She accepted and seemed happy about it. I picked her up on tuesday, with flowers and dressed up nice, and she was dressed up nice too. Supper was great, we talked about, just nothing too related to the relationship. On the way home (30 min drive) i spoke what was inside my heart. Everything i wanted to change and everything we could do to fix this. I made an analogy that the house that love built, which is an awesome house, many things we enjoy in it, but the shingles blew off, and that we just needed to put a little work in, and it would be even better than before. She smiled and giggled a bit. I told her everything i felt, she seemed upset that i brought it all up. But by the end, she didn't seem mad, she seemed to understand. We even went for iced cream after the drive. We parted ways, she said she had a really nice time and I asked to see her again soon and she said for sure. I left on a high note last night.

Today she messages me that I need to clean out the cats eyes everyday (we have 3 kittens ) and i said no problem, and I asked to see her again, she said she was busy, I asked when i could see her again, she said i dont know. And that leads me to here. I need to change somethings, not even for this relationship, but for my well being in general. I know where my flaws are, and I know how I can fix them, it just takes work. Falling in love is easy, staying in love is whats difficult, but thats what makes it special.

She said she doesn't love me anymore, i think thats BS, she's even a part of a facebook group called "you never stop loving someone, you either never were, or always will"... Even the weekend before it happened, everything was still good, holding hands, saying i love you, her in my arms.

She's moved out now, staying with a friend in a town 15 minutes away (where she works) She swore to me there was no other guy, and i believe her.

So i don't know what to do. Do i completely back off and totally disconnect myself from her, do i keep trying to hang out and spend time with her (like we are dating again) or do i find a mix of both. I will do everything and anything in my power to make this girl happy, and I have no intentions of giving up. This is the girl i want to be with, and nothing will stop me from trying. And honestly, I'm a great guy, great family, good job, great friends, i'm well educated, i'm loving and compassionate, I'm everything she could want.

I just want her to be happy

Be gentle, my heart is tender

[VincenzoG91]

She's too young to seriously think about marriage right now. There might not be a specific guy (or girl!) in the picture, but she might just be wanting to date other people in general before settling down. And even if that isn't the issue, she is still young enough that she may be going through a lot of changes in the next few years, in terms of what she wants to do with her life, so don't expect things to go smoothly anytime soon. Also, her tendency to go quiet when there is a problem will always pose a threat to your relationship. She will expect you to read her mind, and of course you can't, so problems will fester until she does something drastic. What do you know about this friend she is moving in with? It seems like somebody might be pushing her in a new direction, and if she moves in with that person, your relationship doesn't stand a chance. That's assuming it has a chance right now.

Some people would advise you to stop talking to her. The idea is that no-contact may cause her to miss you and come back. And if that doesn't work, no-contact will at least start the process of you getting over her. But she is sending very mixed messages right now, so it seems possible that you might win her back over by making the changes that you have in mind and staying in close contact with her.

[nukewater]

i had considered'd her friend to be an issue, she's a girl she used to work with in town. The kind of girl that's never really had a relationship, 27 years old and kinda emotionally akward. I had tried contacting her (the new roomate) for her address so I could send my girlfriend flowers, because she told me she was sick. And her friend told me that she didnt want to be in the middle of it, and that I was a big boy and i could figure it out on my own, if i found her phone number, i could find her address.

[girl68]

She's too young. You seem to very in love and while that's good it comes across as overbearing emotionally. She's a little too young to be in such a serious relationship. At 17 you hooked up, she hasn't even had any chance at all to be single, live alone and all that. It went from little girl to wifey... and that's a scary thought, perhaps it's just time she goes through normal teenage years...

I think you need to give her the space. If she really should be with you, a little time away will help her realize it. I think she's taking the time now to figure out if she can get on without you or not. And if you keep posing on her life she will never be able to realize it.

[Kaius]

she's way too young to want to settle with any man. I mean, she hasn't even experienced life or all the good and bad stuff yet. why on earth would she want to be tied down, and look back 30 years later and ask herself "what happened?"
let her live her life. let her go man. It's not fair to tie down a young spirit so early. You need to go have fun too....you are young and full of life....don't tied yourself down.
When you are about 30 or so, think back, and you'll know when the time is right. Just have fun, and enjoy being young.

[nukewater]

how can you willingly let someone you love and want to be with for the rest of your life, how do you just let them go

[lahnnabell]

You can't possibly promise that she won't ever regret settling down so early. That is a choice for her to make. You can't promise that things will always be as they are. Things will change whether you want them to or not.

You can't hold onto the idea of marrying this girl if you think that is what will keep her from leaving. You have to marry her because you want to. Because you're ready to commit yourself to one woman and building a life together. It sounds like the only reason you felt inspired to buy a promise ring was to prevent her from leaving.

If she truly feels strongly for you, a promise ring will not matter. Women who need material things to feel love are typically very insecure. They need a physical representation of that love because they do not trust what you say, or what you do.

I think that you should really look at why you want her to stay. If she's not happy, then you are better off letting her figure out what will make her happy. You can't promise to be the man she wants or needs if she doesn't yet know what she wants or needs.

[VincenzoG91]

how can you willingly let someone you love and want to be with for the rest of your life, how do you just let them go

There used to be a t-shirt with the answer to this question.

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

You can't own people. Let go and see what happens.