Eventually attracted to someone

[sookie6]

Guys

It seems ages since someone has caught my interest and given me butterflies...but it's finally happening after years of feeling sorry for myself...

there are many BUTS in this burgeoning romance, many and many so I don't think he is the one.

Among other issues, A is a neat freak (control freak as well to some extent but not in the sense that he wants to manipulate the other person).

A is very tidy

A does not react well when something in his environment has been modified

A is never spontaneous

Me:

I like clean but my space is always very untidy

I don't even notice when something has changed in my environment

I like to do things in the spur of the moment


I'm really wondering if we could even share a room together

Have you got some experience of being with a neat freak and what do you thing is the best way with this type of people.

Is it best to adjust to their tidiness or should you just be yourself in the hope that they ease up a bit?

[Mister Wizard]

Well, in either situation, someone has to change. Can't you both come to a compromise? I mean as long as he's just tidy and a neat freak with his stuff, and not yours, would that be so bad? As for spontaneity, well, maybe you can let him know in some way that you appreciate surprises and spur of the moment things. I would say not to be subtle or hint about it, because I hate to say it, but guys are pretty dense at subtlety, we need some straightforwardness. But, if you're already having reservations, then why pursue it further? unless you're interested in just something casual.

[Gigabitch]

It IS possible to share space with someone who is your polar opposite as long as you both maintain your separate, personal space aside from the shared space. For instance: my husband and I share one large, wraparound desk, but his area is completely separate from mine. He has little knicknacks and crap all over his side of the desk and I can't stand that stuff, so I have none. He has to dust his own side because I get super annoyed trying to clean around all of that junk, so regardless of whose turn it is to clean the house, we each do our own part of the desk.

My ex husband used to be a gross, yucky bathroom pig person, so he had his own bathroom and I never went in there. Problem solved.

This guy sounds like more than a neat freak. He sounds like a control freak. If he keeps it to himself and just wants to control his own circumstances and environment, go for it, but if he starts trying to control you, tell him to piss off. Likewise, it you try to change him into a free-wheeling, fun-loving, spur of the moment kind of guy, you should be the one to piss off.

Just accept each other how you are and agree to disagree. You might be able to really get along that way.

[irrelevant_89]

Well... I am kind of a neat freak in the ways you mentioned. I'm not freakishly tidy, but it really grinds my gears when everything is disorganized and confusing, I don't know what to do anymore. Also, I'm very much a guy of routines and habits... so it's really hard to get me out of the house on a Sunday for example

I don't know, but sometimes these routines go on for so long that it becomes scary to think out of the box and be spontaneous... how about you take the initiative for a few times? Convince him to drop everything and go do something unusual and fun. He may be uncomfortable at first, but there's a slight chance he might enjoy it in the end. If he doesn't... oh well, you tried right?

(Disclaimer: this is more what I wish were done to me than anything else... so... xD)

EDIT - ok, after reading Gigabitch's post. She's right, as usual, but I'm just saying that sometimes this kind of behaviour is not intrinsic to a person, but a custom acquired. Who knows if that's the real him?

[sookie6]

First off, thanks guys for taking the time to respond.

This is not the sexiest thread on this forum I know

A bit more on my crush:

We had a summer fling last year but never thought we'd see each other again...

T'was funny cos I really enjoued his company (he is kind and intelligent) but a few things rang a bell...like that one time when at his place I offered to oil massage his back (I mean this was a pretty serious move on my part...) and he frowned and said something about the oil leaving bad stains on the sheets so we resorted to get some towels to protect the bed....

I would not say it kind killed the mood but you know this is what I'm referring to...this need not only to be tidy but to keep things in check...


Like the first time I walked into his balcony and he overtook me quite suddendly to go and wipe the balcony fence...

[Gigabitch]

Okay, I'm cracking myself up imagining just WHAT it was that he was wiping off the balcony fence. heh heh.

Actually, the oil thing is valid. I have REALLY good quality bedsheets and I would never in a million years get massage oil on them.

[irrelevant_89]

...and I dislike massages in general. So....

[lastwish]

It would work if he is okay with the separate arrangements that Giga mentioned. But neat freaks can also be control freaks. My father for example is a neat freak. I am disorganized. He gets a headache whenever he sees a mess so even if I am messy within my own area, he gets annoyed.

[roy_delene]

If you just started seeing each other isn't it a little early to be thinking about moving in? Maybe you should just date some more and get to know each other before making a commitment like that.
On the other hand if you've dated him before maybe it won't work out

[Mister Wizard]

Now the guy is bordering on obsessive compulsive, at least with the balcony fence thing. Maybe because its a first impression kind of thing. Maybe he's trying to impress you with how nice his balcony looks?

[sookie6]

If you just started seeing each other isn't it a little early to be thinking about moving in? Maybe you should just date some more and get to know each other before making a commitment like that.
On the other hand if you've dated him before maybe it won't work out

Definitely agree on that...but you known some people can't help it..;as soon as the first date we start analysing wht could turn wrong..;well I think I have sort of identified the area that makes me cringe about him...

[Lipp]

Definitely agree on that...but you known some people can't help it..;as soon as the first date we start analysing wht could turn wrong..;well I think I have sort of identified the area that makes me cringe about him...

You just summarized the female thought process.