Need help with the Ex!

[toto]

Since I got dumped by the girlfriend, our relationship has got better. Before we broke up i was feeling down and confused with her,(basically because she was looking to end it, but not saying it). The break up has been hard on me and im probably not 100% over her, Anyway like i said our relationship is alot better, we joke around and carry on like friends which is great.
The problem is that we still live together and are single, so she goes out with her friends to pull and i do the same but, our flat is out of bounds for that. I still hate thinking of the out with out with other guys, but have to deal with that.
What im conserned with most of all is that we still share the same bed from time to time, that being when she stays at the flat cos she lives at her sisters most of the week. I like having her there and she will even cuddle in to me so the feelings mutial, right? I know this is not healthy for a break up and i know that when the lease on the flat is up realisticly i might not see her again as theres no real reason unless i we keep our friendship. So it will be like breaking up all over again. There are times when i want the relationship back but know things have moved on and things have happened since we broke up that change things.
So here i am not sure what to do, reduce contact with her and stop sharing a bed or treat it as a close friendship and enjoy it for what it is? In the back of my mind i feel im being used by her as a fall back guy she turnes to when she wants that relationship side of things.

[jane]

Since I got dumped by the girlfriend, our relationship has got better. Before we broke up i was feeling down and confused with her,(basically because she was looking to end it, but not saying it). The break up has been hard on me and im probably not 100% over her, Anyway like i said our relationship is alot better, we joke around and carry on like friends which is great. "

Ok you are still living together? No wonder you are not over 100%.

"The problem is that we still live together and are single, so she goes out with her friends to pull and i do the same but, our flat is out of bounds for that. I still hate thinking of the out with out with other guys, but have to deal with that."

well.. you guys are not over.. you cant be.. you share a bed.. you LIVE TOGETHER.. thats not over.. those feelings are still there.. and believe me when I say I KNOW... I am doing the same thing. I dont share a bed with him but I do the same thing.

The only thing that can make this better is to either MOVE or get back together with the understanding that you will work it out.

My suggestion.. time to move. Sorry..

[toto]

Well since last time i posted ive hardly seen her. It feels like a proper break up now and even thought ive been going out and staying with friends, tonight im on my own and cant stop thinking about her and looking at photos with fits of tears! Whats got to me recently is how everythings changed and what i thought was normal has become a memory. When i think of when the lease is up and not being with her it hurts cos i know i wont see her unless its by chance and thats so hard for me right now im even in tears writing this.

I just wish i was at the stage where im ok with things, but i supose not seeing her anymore will help......right?

[Jenrick285]

Its gets a lot worse before it gets better... but it does... eventually! No seriously.. it does... I've been there done that... and it hasn't been that long since you two went your own ways if I recall...

But don't let her use you (even if she doesn't mean to) as her security blanket...
It may feel comfortable, but just don't. She's got to make up her mind to work things out with you or just move on, not the quasi-relationship thing.

Keep Safe.

[toto]

thanks for the post,

I feel i know what i should be doing and thinking right now but its hard to think of anything else but her and us, i cant even sleep!

[toto]

I just want to give an up date in my story so far since its been a month since my last post.

Things have changed so much lately, my ex is totaly out of the picture she has all but totally moved out and i have only seen her for a total of 10 mins in the last month. This has helped and i would recommend a total break up to anyone, in that situation!
Ive been living by the text book of getting over a break up....going out with friends, new job, keeping fit and it all has helped, even started a new flame but im not really looking for that right now. Things have really turned a corner and ive come to terms with being single and now look forward to it.
I would be lying if i said i never think of her any more, ive been left in our old flat on my own and every so often i get reminded of that, which stirs up memories of us. But I move flats in a month so thats being dealt with....a new start and all that.
Lately i find that when im feeling down I start to think about the total break down in any kind of realtionship between us. I know that has been the point of the last month but she used to be a everything in my life and now nothing, (i cant even rub in any of my good news, childish i know!). We did stay firends since the break up for a while but then nothing she even forgot my birthday and she knows between the to of us that was pretty bad.
Anyway our lease ends in a few weeks and we'll meet up again to sort lease things out. I should propably move on but Ive been at uni for three years and been with her for two of them so it mean alot to me if we could come out of it with something. This has been on my mind lately and with everything else going well for me right now I would like to put things right between us! I feel it is a good time to set up the basis for our friendship, as Im over her and shes over me.

Any thoughts welcome

[Jenrick285]

If I recall you have put things right...
I feel its a bad time to set up a thing for your friendship...
If she really wanted to stay friends, I'm sure she would have at least said hello on your birthday...
Do you forget the birthdays of those close friends?
Flip the last page of this chapter in your life and put it on the shelf. Think of it like that highschool crush you used to have... You had some really good times, but that was then and this is now...
You'll always miss her, but that will change too!
I'd spend more time with the new flame and stop staring and the ashes of your old one
=)

[toto]

well said. i think your right, cheers for clearing that up for me.

[RuntimeError]

Jenrick285 Well said, I totally agree and think you are thinking with a clear mind.