Should I try to talk to him...?

[strict machine]

I broke up with my ex about a year and a half years ago. We tried staying friends for nearly a year, but it mostly resulted in us hooking up / having arguments. The arguments were a result of me finding out he lied about certain things during our relationship - nothing too serious but it made me go crazy knowing he'd been dishonest with me. Around 6 months ago we had finally managed to just be friends and we were both really happy about this. He was supposed to come visit me (I live a couple hours away) but it never happened due to me being so busy. Anyway, 5 months passed and we didn't communicate at all during this time. I'd started to regret the way I'd ended the relationship and I finally could understand how he felt during the breakup. I found out he had a new girlfriend and I felt genuinely happy for him. I sent him an email asking him how he'd been and let him know what I'd been up to. He actually emailed me back which really surprised me.

He sent the email a month ago and I never responded. I just wasn't sure if that would be appropriate. I really miss him a lot at times. He was the best friend I ever had but I'm not sure if it would be right to keep trying to talk to him since he has a new girlfriend. I don't want to get back together, but I do miss him and if he'd like to be friends again that would be great.

What do you think? Should I respond to his email or just leave it alone?

[Cloud206]

He would be very wrong not to want to be friends with you since you know eachother so well but in the end it's HIS decision, you could make him remember some emotional stuff if he hangs with you.

[Gigabitch]

You're not friends. You're not fooling anybody. If you were capable of being friends, you wouldn't have done all that hooking up after you broke up. You're just keeping the door cracked open, just in case.

Leave him alone.

[IncognitoSir]

He would be very wrong not to want to be friends with you since you know eachother so well but in the end it's HIS decision, you could make him remember some emotional stuff if he hangs with you.

Why would he be wrong for not wanting to be friends with her? She blew him off for 5 months and now their supposed to be friends?

You're not friends. You're not fooling anybody. If you were capable of being friends, you wouldn't have done all that hooking up after you broke up. You're just keeping the door cracked open, just in case.

Leave him alone.

I agree, leave him alone. You just want to contact him for your own selfish reasons. Because YOU feel bad about the break up and blowing him off for 5 months. Let him be happy.

[strict machine]

I didn't really blow him off for 5 months... neither of us contacted each other. I was really busy with work and he was busy with school. It was probably good to get a break from each other.

Yeah, I hope he's happy. I don't know if he really is because his friend told me he's dating a girl that he was kinda using as a last resort (basically, she's nuts).

We hooked up after we broke up because we didn't even wait a month before seeing each other again. I was still in love with him at that time but then I realized we just can't work as a couple. I guess it is selfish though that I want to see him. I will probably just leave it alone.

[xxazurexx]

I think it's funny that in a lot of situations like this, the new gfs always seem to be 'nuts', as according to friends. In truth she's probably a nice lass and the friend is just pissed and because he isn't getting as much of his mates attention anymore and since the new girl came on the scene. And if he is using her as some 'last resort', then he's been using her a long time, so i wouldn't buy that bull either.

I think the guy friend is likely just trying to make feel better about yourself perhaps?

I think if you were gonna reply to this email, it's something that you should have done a month ago rather than leave it a month.
If I was him, I wouldn't reply back to an email and because you had left it a month.

I'm also wondering, why you would want to be friends with someone who had proven to be a liar and untrustworthy on numerous occasions. A liar is not someone I'd want in my life and no matter in which capacity.

Personally, I'd leave him alone.

[Caleb]

Your playing spin the bottle on a sinking ship. Get a boyfriend.

[strict machine]

Yeah I've been leaning toward leaving him alone, I just wanted more people to tell me that's the right thing to do.

I actually heard from my friend about what his friend said... hahaha. And the thing is, I know about this girl because my ex actually TOLD me about her while we were dating. "So I have this friend and she has a lot of issues..." I think he actually wanted to date her before we got together but it didn't work out at the time. Then he decided she was crazy. Who knows, maybe he's really happy with her, even with all of her issues.

I want to be friends with him again because he's a great friend and always has great advice and whatnot. He really wasn't a good boyfriend for me, but he was always a good friend. I haven't really met anyone quiet like him in that regard.

There's just the chance that he's totally over me and into this new girl, and if that's the case I would like to be friends with him again. But from talking to my friends, guys aren't very good at that.

You guys are probably right, I should move on and get used to missing him from time to time. It's not like I haven't met any new guys since we broke up, it's just that he played such an important role in my life... I'd hate it if I lost that forever, you know? :\

[Caleb]

Your still spinning the bottle. And besides that, your asking the wrong person about these subjects. But perhaps you should try looking at this from a different prospective. Perhaps the part he was meant to play in your life was to be there for you in order for you to learn how to let go of someone.

[xxazurexx]

Your still spinning the bottle. And besides that, your asking the wrong person about these subjects. But perhaps you should try looking at this from a different prospective. Perhaps the part he was meant to play in your life was to be there for you in order for you to learn how to let go of someone.

They say that people come into our lives for a reason and you could be so right in that they leave and to teach us how to let go.

I'd never thought of it that way before.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah I've been leaning toward leaving him alone, I just wanted more people to tell me that's the right thing to do.

I actually heard from my friend about what his friend said... hahaha. And the thing is, I know about this girl because my ex actually TOLD me about her while we were dating. "So I have this friend and she has a lot of issues..." I think he actually wanted to date her before we got together but it didn't work out at the time. Then he decided she was crazy. Who knows, maybe he's really happy with her, even with all of her issues.

I want to be friends with him again because he's a great friend and always has great advice and whatnot. He really wasn't a good boyfriend for me, but he was always a good friend. I haven't really met anyone quiet like him in that regard.

There's just the chance that he's totally over me and into this new girl, and if that's the case I would like to be friends with him again. But from talking to my friends, guys aren't very good at that.

You guys are probably right, I should move on and get used to missing him from time to time. It's not like I haven't met any new guys since we broke up, it's just that he played such an important role in my life... I'd hate it if I lost that forever, you know? :\

The thing is and while you say there are no feelings on your part, your motive is to be friends and 'just' friends and I'm tending to believe you, you should be thinking of how your reappearance into his life would affect him. It is possible that this guy may still have feelings for you and your going back may give him false hope that you have gone back and because you are interested in rekindling maybe?

Despite what advice you have been given here, the end decision is yours and you will do what you want to do. But if you do decide to contact him, you need to make it clear and from the outset, why it is that you have contacted him and that 'friends' is all you want from him. That way he's getting no mixed messages and everyone knows where they stand.

[lahnnabell]

I agree that if you are going to contact him YET AGAIN, then you need to make it clear what your intentions are. Also, if you do decide to befriend him again, he will probably either introduce you to his new girlfriend, or he will hide you from her.

[pclepel]

I'd say go for it. 2.5 years is a while...if you're seriously not wanting to get back with him (and be really really honest with yourself about it) then yah, write him, it'd be fun to catch up. You could even have the gf be there, make it super friendly, and OBVIOUSLY not flirtatious.