Two great dates, no contact, then she finally responds?

[damn2010]

A little background:

Met a girl through work. We're both mid-20's. We do not work in the same building and would not have contact unless we actually called each other...so it was rare I would bump into her. We talked a few times on the phone and we got along great. Had a first date (on a Sunday) around the city and had a fantastic time. We really clicked (IMO) and kissed some and I set up a second date a few days later because I was going to the beach that weekend. Had a great dinner and talking, she seemed very interested and we made-out a little at the end of the evening. She eagerly proclaimed she wanted a third date.

While I was at the beach, we texted and chatted on the phone...looking back now, I think it was a mistake because we did it a little TOO much. I should have backed off a little but we were into one another.

Following Tuesday I talk to her, she had earlier told me on our first and second dates about how she was moving (closer to my area for work reasons) and I had earlier offered to help her move. I once again reaffirm to helping her move and she says we'll "play it by ear". I call her two days later, leave a message...no response. She moves into her new place that weekend (Memorial Day weekend) and time goes on.

For the hell of it, I call her one more time two weeks later and leave a funny voicemail to see if she calls me.I doubt she would, but she later on sends me a text on that Sunday asking how I am and that she is sorry for not getting touch sooner. We have a short text convo before I end up going to sleep telling her I'll call her the following week. I purposely keep contact to a minimum as I don't want to "overdo" it like I did during the beach.

I call her and we chat a little bit. Somewhat flirty. She tells me her big weekend plans (though I never really asked) and I ask her out to dinner on Friday night. Once again, she says "can we play it by ear because I may not get all my errands done?" and even states that if she can't do Friday, that we can do the following week. She had a day-long bachorette party on Sat. (today) about two hours away and was bringing some stuff. I say "Sure, but I need 24 hours notice if you're going to cancel". She texts me the next day saying that all the girls decided to go down to the town the night before since it was far away and cancels for Friday, I'm cool and joke with her telling her I'll call her Sunday evening to set something up for next week and she responds that is grea. No biggie...and Sunday is out because it's Father's Day.

Sorry for the long topic. But this would be our third date...if it is even something like that because the lapse of communication for two weeks, and I don't even know if she would've got in touch with me if I hadn't left her a second voicemail. Do you think this is similar to hitting the "reset" button? Why would she just vanish and then reappear like that?

A (girl)friend of mine told me I should call her out on her disappearance for two weeks, not in a mean way, but a funny way. But be somewhat firm about getting a reasonable answer. She said it is the third date and you should know whether there's a reason to keep going on with her or not. What do you all think?

[xxazurexx]

I'd call her out on it and like your friend said. Either that, or I would just straight up ask her, if she is interested in pursuing this further or not.

There is nothing worse than people who will mess around and leave you hanging and not knowing where you stand.

I know she has been busy with moving and what not, but really. How long does it take a text message? 15 seconds? If she couldn't find 15 seconds worth of time in the past two weeks...then I dunno what to think.

[Lulu]

I've been going through a similar situation with some guy. We hang out, it's great, he says we should get together again, he doesn't call, then he texts, tells people he likes me and asks about me to them, then I don't hear from him for two weeks. I'm sick of it. Just deleted his number from my cell phone so that the next time he texts or calls I won't get too excited to see his freakin name on my phone....and so that I won't text or call him EVER again! I say erase her number and let her get a hold of you- when she does say, "Oh- my phone broke and I didn't have your number saved anywhere else so I wasn't sure if I would speak with you again...." and let her wonder for once!

[damn2010]

Well like I said, I left her one final voicemail and she responded to it 3 days later. I assume if she wanted to continue the "ignore" game like she was doing, she would've not responded. She even "apologized" for not responding sooner. I didn't really press the issue over texts.

Thanks on the advice, when (and 'if' because I think she's on the verge of flaking) we get together, I will indeed ask both the "disappearance" issue along with the "should we continue this?".

I wouldn't be surprised if maybe she tried going out with another guy or two. I don't know...don't really care. I have a girl or two I'm also interested in that I have no shame turning to if this doesn't work out. However, I'm not really the type of guy to date multiple girls and toy around (though I would never tell a girl I'm first dating that because I'd rather them "wonder").

[damn2010]

Do you think she is just playing hard-to-get? I haven't communicated that much with her (only twice since she texted me back), but she called me back almost immediately and responded to my text in no time flat. Even suggesting Monday as a day to get together.

[xxazurexx]

I'm suspecting more of a 'half hearted' interest, rather than she's playing games.

If she really liked you, why would she stoop to playing games with you and especially when she knows you are very keen to meet her and get to know her? What exactly would playing games with you achieve?

I think some guys will refer to women as playing games and when their ego can't acknowledge that a woman may not be interested in them.

Not that I am referring to you btw. I've just noticed that in a few situations and where it is blatently obvious that a female has no interest, the man will say she is playing games.

[xxazurexx]

You could try communicating a bit more also. She is hardly likely to show a huge interest and if you aren't showing one.

If she is like me, she will only show as much interest as she is recieving.

[damn2010]

Hey azure, thanks for the advice.

I ended up texting her twice a little yesterday night. She responded...the last one being a pic of herself at her friend's bachorlette party. I flirted a little calling her a tiger (she had a black & white animal print dress on) and telling her I can tame her. It eventually became a short convo that ended up revealing that she "freaked out" because as she said I was eager to be nice to her and it was "almost too good to be true"...which is why she backed off and probably confirms TO ME that I was coming on a little "strong" in the beginning which is a fault of mine. And I recognized this early on which is why I backed off and have kept contact to a minimum. I know her last relationship burned her really badly because she ended up moving to another state for the guy and they split which led her back up here to our area. So I think she's a little frightened. What do you think?

I sent a few texts (which I don't believe she got because her phone died and/or turned off and she has the same service that I do and I can see whether they were "delivered" to the phone but these were only "sent", these texts were sent around 3 am) basically outlining that we should take things easy and natural and get to know each other more. I also said that it doesn't help that if you get scared when you meet someone you click with and that I know she's been hurt. I left it saying that if she wants me to leave her alone, I will and that I intended to call her this (Sunday) evening as I promised.

I think I left it pretty clear that I would like to continue seeing her, but that I'm prepared to walk away if she is too scared. We'll see how it goes...the ball is in her court.

[xxazurexx]

OK, well I'm thinking she is just making a poor excuse for her disappearance....but then I'm unsure.

Why I'm thinking it is a poor excuse is because - In relationships and at the very beginning, I am always very cautious too and because I've been burned. If a guy is coming on strong and seems to be rushing, I put walls up immediatley and I back off a little and because I am afraid to get too involved too quickly for a fear of being hurt.. However and although I act cautious, I can still manage to communicate and make time for the man and I do so and if I am really interested. That is so long as he is still maintaining a consistent and regular contact (I will come to that later). I wouldn't just simply ignore his texts or calls. I'd still remain very much in the picture and if he was calling/texting and because I wouldn't want him to pick up a 'not interested' vibe from me and particularly if I liked him. My walls go down and as I get to know the guy further and I gain that much more trust in him, that he's a genuine guy.

Why I'm thinking it may not be an excuse - The thing also and with a 'cautious' woman, is that we will often leave all the initiating to the man and to get some clue as to his real level of interest. If he's a guy that calls 'regular' and 'consistant', (even if it is a tad overwhelming), he is proving he is really interested and he is worthy of letting our guard down for. If he only calls occasionally, it tells me he doesn't have that high of an interest and my walls stay up. You didn't call her or text her for 2 weeks and if I had been her, I wouldn't have contacted you either. A man only gets as much interest, as he shows me and I'm not a 'pursuer'...she may not be either.

So you see, when you kept your distance, so did she. Now you are calling/texting again, she replies and immediatley.

Sorry if this makes no sense, but just giving you an insight into the female psyche, or as to how some females are anyway.

But anyway, you seem to be handling it pretty well and you left the ball in her court. So we shall see what happens next - keep us informed

[damn2010]

Thanks once again azure.

I understand your insight, but during those two weeks...I contacted her twice (once the first week and then again the second week...she FINALLY got back to me at the end of the second week). But like you said, maybe she was gauging how interested I was...or whether my initial interest during our first two dates would carry on.

I'm one of those guys that when I actually am interested and like a girl, I tend to F' it up, but experience is helping me out...so I'm just trying to play it cool and be myself as well. All my previous girlfriends I usually had some way of keeping close contact with them OUTSIDE of the phone (school, work, etc.) so I would see them no matter what and that helping build up a good repertoire for me. And unfortunately, the girls that are friends...or friends of friends are often the ones MOST interested in me because I'm just myself, but I'm not interested in them! Partially because they are close friends of friends...and if it doesn't work out, then it looks bad for me or whatever!

It became clear to me that our previous texts/calls became a little overwhelming and I think that freaked her out (her "poor excuse") and maybe the cool-down time was good for both of us...it certainly was good for me because it made me analyze what happened and realized I was coming on too strong. Like I said, she did say it was "hard to explain" and I was "eager to be nice to her" as well "its almost too good to be true".

I suppose we'll see if I can get that dinner date for this upcoming week, and take it from there! How should I act with all the "too good to be true" stuff? I think you're right when you say she's just trying to be cautious.