is there a chance if i move to her city?

[sicklove]

hello. so i am in love with a woman. we met a little over a year ago on a dating site. we were in different cities, yet close enough for her to come see me on the weekends (i didnt have a car at the time, and had a dog to take care of so she was a bit more than me). it was my last semester in grad school...right before the recession took hold. in my profession, because of the recession, layoffs were occurring all over the country...there was not a job to be found when i graduated. in fact i am still searching for acceptable employment. (i have been working, but only on contract basis.) anyway...i thought it would be best if i left the region i was in and headed back home for a bit. our short relationship had its ups and downs...but i think those came out of the anxiety i was feeling about finding a job and the mounting student loans i would have to pay off. anyway...we called it off. i am still in love with her. we still talk/chat online. we are still in touch. she is not of the mindset that things will work out between us. and she has mentioned this. in fact, i mentioned that i was thinking about visiting her and she said that it wouldn't be a good idea. then she called the next day and told me that if I were i get job interviews in her city, then i am more than welcome to stay with her. but we still talk, and chat online and stuff like that. in my head, if she still is talking to me...that means there is a chance that we can try again. right now...since we are in different cities...there is little chance. i have a couple questions. first...if i move to where she is...with a job in hand (i've sent many resumes and actually have an opportunity for a job to start in the fall), will that mean anything to her as far as a relationship with me goes? and second, if i do move to her city, i was thinking i would play it cool and just let things happen the way they happen...but i want your advice on how i should proceed once i am there. i am truly in love with her. i see her face everywhere.

[damn2010]

I'm a guy but I have a friend who moved to chase a girl, big mistake.

If you're going to move, make sure it is 100% for you. Do not do it for ANYONE ELSE!

My friend moved here from Jersey chasing the girl that he cheated on because he realized he made a mistake. They are more like "friends with benefits" but it is a constant rollercoaster of emotions and crap between them. It makes him miserable and her miserable...sometimes they're extremely happy...other times its the complete opposite. The additional problem is that my friend (probably one of the most unselfish people I've ever met) is still somewhat of a loner and so completely obsessed with this girl, that he doesn't really build a life for himself around here (DC area).

Ultimately, they know they won't end up together in the long run. She has admitted this, even he has...but it's such a strong tie that they just can't and won't separate. But it's going to end badly, whether she finds someone else or he does.

[sicklove]

thanks for the reply...

i understand what you mean by moving there for myself first, and i totally agree. there is actually some opportunity for me as far as work goes there in the form of a job that may start in the fall with a firm that is owned by a professor of mine from grad school. plus i love this particular city. it is actually the same city in which i went grad school. i have other friends there and i thoroughly enjoy the lifestyle. also, she just found out that she would be moving there a few months ago. the thing is...the entire time we were in a relationship we were in different cities and both very involved in school. it never felt as if we had a real chance for a solid relationship. i actually talked to friend about this since my first post and she mentioned the same thing.

i still would like to hear some advice from the ladies out there... If a guy moved to a city you lived in in order to take a chance on a relationship with you, what would you think? Keep in mind that he is not blindly moving to a city for you. He has made a decision to pursue good opportunities in the same city that you live in. He believes that you are worth the commitment it takes to at least try for a relationship with you, and if that means coming to your city then he is prepared to do so. Does it become a put your money where your mouth is sort of thing? IF i get to this city, and then, after some time, want to try to rekindle the flame...how do i go about it? Try to sneak in a few dinners together and then say something? or say something from the start? play it cool? ladies...help me out...please?