No Fun Relationship!

[Forte]

There is no fun in my relationship!

I am content with my fiance, but I feel that our relationship is very bland. With the looming matter of marriage, I have become increasingly concerned if I will be able to be content with him for the rest of my life.

The guy I dated previous to my current fiance made me laugh constantly and we conversed fabulously. Unfortunately, it was a long distance relationship and I wanted someone closer (we both had to finish our way through college). We stayed good friends for several years after my fiance and I started dating, and we still talked often. After the engagement, he started to back away more and more, and thus we haven't had contact for a year. Now, it's become painfully obvious that I have so very little laughter in my life, and I really miss that a lot.

On the other end of the spectrum, my fiance does not understand any of my jokes and rarely cracks a smile. He does not have a passion for much of anything (aside from perhaps technology and gaming?). We don't really laugh together, and our dates rarely go beyond dinner and a movie. When I try to initiate something more spontaneous, there is always some reason for it to be turned down. However, he is very loving, often tells me that I am beautiful, and is always supportive when I need help. We are both very financially stable (whereas the previous guy was not), which is perhaps shallow, but important to me to raise children in a home that does not struggle for money.

It boils down to me being scared of giving up what I have when there is really nothing fundamentally flawed with my current relationship. I'm not depressed by any means, but I also know I have been a lot more cheerful in the past. I just don't want this nagging feeling to grow into something much worse in the future... when I could have stopped it now. Should I just be appreciative of what I have? I hate to feel like I am asking for perfection, but I'm scared I could be passing up something very amazing.

I appreciate your thoughts on the situation, and I am very glad I got some of that off of my mind!

[brit_chick25]

Hiya. I know just how you feel! I am more or less in the same position as you apart from my fella of 5 years doesnt tell me he loves me or how beautiful i am & i am thinking if i should leave him or not of just have a break to see what we both want. Have you tried talking to him??

I have put a post on hear if you want to read it. Its called - I dont know what to do?

Thanks

[girl68]

Seems like a clash of personalities. I beleive this feeling will grow into what you fear most ultimatley a break up. Do some soul searching and figure out what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

[Gigabitch]

It's pretty difficult to find a guy that actually has everything. Those are generally hunted near to extinction and they're paired up with absolutely perfect-looking, highly educated, rocket scientist/ model/ Pilates instructors. You're probably going to have to compromise something. With your current guy, you have to give up the sense of humor. With the old guy, it was financial stability. Some guys are total slobs. Some guys are pathetically insecure and jealous. It just depends on what's a priority for you. Some women actually draw the line at a receding hairline. Dumb. We have to put up with all manner of common flaws.

In exchange, they have to put up with our constant nattering, our PMS, our nagging and our fat asses. Are you his Miss Perfect?

[Fene]

This is the same situation that me and my ex girlfriend had fallen into after 7 years together. We had got into the routine of doing similar things day in day out. It was both of our fault for not realising sooner and doing something about it and that's what led to the break up. Boring routine > Less excitement > loss of attraction > break up. I just wished that we had actually talked about it and made an effort to change things instead of just ending it there and then. But you're still in the relationship so you have the chance to talk to your fiance about it and make changes that will ultimately bring you closer. But if he isn't willing to make changes in the relationship then it maybe worth looking elsewhere. You don't need to start going out somewhere new everyday, just try setting a "date day" every week where you will both think of something or somewhere interesting to go. Maybe take it in turns each week deciding what to do / where to go and just enjoy each others company.

Just make sure you think things through carefully before doing anything drastic, you may regret it in the end!

[xxazurexx]

I couldn't be with him. Sense of humour and a fun guy on the same wavelength as me is what I look for and if he aint got that, he's gone.

I'd rather have the fun relationship over the bland one anyday of the week. And I'd vomit at the guy who constantly told me over and over I was beautiful.

I guess we all want and look for different things.

[Kaius]

Compatibility is everything. You dont have to have the same interests, or even like the same music, shows, etc.
But fundamentally you guys have to be on the same wavelength / channel. If you feel this before marriage, trust me,
this will amplify 10X after marriage....as years go on, it'll drive you nuts. A "no-fun" marriage never lasts.
I know...I was in one for 12 years.

[lahnnabell]

I'm a very playful person by nature, and I need someone to be on that wavelength with me. My boyfriend and I aren't always on the same page as he likes to relax and chill more than I do. I am the proverbial social butterfly. What IS important is that my boyfriend has no problem letting me run around to fulfill my need to socialize with others. He and I will spend our downtime together watching baseball games, enjoying movies together, and just relax. When I'm not running around, talking people's ears off, I'm calm and nurturing, a trait in me that he truly enjoys because he loves to be doted on.

All about finding an effective balance between the two of you. You sound like you feel like you're compromising more than he is. Too often people (I see women do this more than men) put themselves into unhappy situations simply to please their significant other. I used to do this a long time ago. I began to get severely depressed as time went on and for a while I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Finally, after putting the pieces together, I realized that I was making myself unhappy. I was staying in relationships that were no longer fun or enjoyable, and I promised myself that I would never let it get to that point again. So far, so good. But you have to really do some soul-searching and figure out what you want your life to be.