Dissappointed in myself for having written her a letter....

[jungledrums]

So I've read a couple threads here that sound very much like my current situation but with a TWIST.

Here's how mine goes:
BOY MEETS GIRL
I met a girl at a bookstore, she seemed into me and she wasn't all that bad, so we chatted and she even playfully tapped me on the arm when I said she was wasting time reading her emails instead of studying. We exchanged numbers and met again a couple days after to get to know one another a bit more. I still wasn't as interested in her as she seemed to be in me, but I enjoyed her company and felt she would make a nice friend. After having a few drinks, we proceeded to my car to show her some of my musical collection on my ipod. She was particularly impressed with one song I had and so we heard it a couple times and then continued talking. I sensed she was real comfortable with me, yet I was still nonchalant about the entire interaction.

OUR FIRST DATE
A few days go by and we text a couple times a day back and forth. Just normal "hi" "how are you" and what nots. So the end of the work week approaches and she texts me asking me if I wanted to do something with her the next day since she had not made plans yet. I said yes and suggested we meet up at a winery. So she shows up and she's looking as cute as ever. I had not seen this side of her. I was immediately attracted, yet I played it cool. So we chat, have wine and cheese and then I suggest we go to my place to continue the night. All along I'm thinking, "I'm just gonna play it cool and let her continue to chase me. I'm gonna tease a bit, but not let her know I'm really into her to create intrigue."

THE CONNECTION
So we get to my place and I place a bottle of Stella Rosa in the fridge to cool down for later and I tell her to take a walk with me so that I can show her the neighborhood, a nice, quiet community of which I am a part of. Besides, my place was not set up the way I normally would if I were bringing a girl over. It was clean, but not prepared. Nevertheless, we took a walk, sat on some swings and continued getting to know one another. No body contact on my part was made, I wanted to play the self-controlled man. So we get back to my place and I play some music. I select some nice, ballads and I get her by the hand and begin slow dancing with her. After 15 seconds, I begin kissing her neck and she sheepishly giggles and tells me she's getting goosebumps. I stop. In my mind I keep telling myself, 2 steps forward, 1 step backward. I give her the tour of my place and as we're walking down the stairs, I turn around and again, hold her by the waist and kiss her on the lips. She kisses me back and then I continue down the stairs. We talk some more, dance a little and then next thing you know, we are making out, but decently. Not like sex-crazed animals. She's a quality girl and I treated her with the respect she manifested in her being. I could sense she was getting turned on, so she said, I gotta go, but I gently tugged her by the arm and kissed her again. This time she was kissing me and I gently teased her by pulling back and finally let her have some. At that point, she was hot and she said, "Ok, I really gotta go" and grabbed her purse. I walked her to her car outside my house and before she got in her car, we kissed again.

THAT WAS OUR CONNECTION.

AND

THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I SAW HER.

SHE'S STILL INTO ME
We texted for about a week after our last that and I was really looking forward to seeing her, but she had some family plans for that weekend and so she replied that she couldn't come through, but that "next time" for sure. So I was confident in that she was interested in me and wanted to see me.

HERE'S WHERE I THINK THINGS WENT WRONG:
I texted her two times in one week asking her out on the weekend she had already told me she had plans for. She replied in a text saying that that weekend was really busy for her. How and why I forgot, is my fault, so I told her it was my bad and that I hope she has a great weekend. I didn't text her the entire weekend, except for Sunday night to just comment on the result of a sporting game that we were both following. NO REPLY.
The next morning I text her asking her how her weekend was. NO REPLY.
I didn't text back. I waited two days and then I call her and NO ANSWER. I leave a message saying, "Hey, how's it going?"blah blah. Hope to hear from you soon" The message was 15 seconds long. NO REPLY.

It's been a week since leaving her that message and still NO REPLY.

HOW I EMASCULATED MYSELF
Okay, this is very hard to type, but this is what I did. And this is where I want to know whether this was a good move, because frankly, I thought it was, but I have had mixed responses as to whether it was a good move.

I WROTE HER A LETTER!!! Yes, I committed the ultimate wussy move. I wrote her a letter, NOT telling her I like her, rather telling her I enjoyed her company and that I wanted to get to know her better. That we should see what happens. That we should be friends and also that I may have come on as too passive but really, I am interested in getting to know her. By the way, she had asked me to make her a CD and so I included that in the mail along with a 45rpm record of the song she really liked when I played it for her in my car. The letter was 3 pages long and here's the killer, I spelled her name using the lyrics of her favorite song (the one I had bought her the record of). I know. Soooooo gay..... I don't know what went through my mind. Really. I asked one girl if she thought that was good on my part and she say, "Hell yes!, It's more than any guy would do!" So I fell for that and sent it away. THIS WAS TWO DAYS AGO.

HER REPLY
No reply.


MY CONCLUSION
She got over me. I know I am right. I need to move on. I know the right thing to do is to not pursue this, but that's not why I posted this entire story.

MY QUESTIONS
1. Based on my approach on holding back on getting physical early on, do you think that was a bad move?
2. Do girls in general, interpret writing a letter as wussy(non-masculine) behavior?
3. Do you think having written her a letter after having had only one connection was a good move?
4. Do you see anything from my story that I may not be able to see as needy(unattractive) behavior?
5. I feel like I should not contact her at all. Are my feelings right on?
6. If she contacts me, say in 3 weeks, should I even bother with her?
7. Oh yeah, last one. Is looking up someone in the white pages to get her address (to send her a letter) a creepy thing to do?
(BTW, I looked up my name online and my name and address are public!) PS. I'm totally not a creep but having done that made me feel awkward.

[Smirnoffz]

Well, maybe she has trouble with 'binding' herself to you, or anyone else, maybe she has had a bad relationship in the past and is now afraid..

2, I don't think that girls interpret receiving a written letter as wussy, I'm not a girl myself, but letters I wrote were always appreciated.. (well, most of the time), but in general, they were appreciated..
3 (&4), I think you should've called her, instead of smsing, but there's always option for that, just wait for a while, call her, and ask if maybe something has been wrong? Maybe something happened with her or her family and she's too busy on her mind to text you back (keep this option open)
5, just give it a little rest, and then try for some more direct contact, rather than a text message
6, depending on why she did not contact you, yes or no.
7, its not creepy, that sending the whole letter thing is sweet, but maybe too early, and maybe she can see it as desperate.. but I really don't know how she interprets these, I don't know the girl..

I hope you can get your contact.

Good luck,
Maarten

PS: Ups, I just realised I am posting between in the 'ask a female'-forum. If the reply is inappropriate or anything- feel free to delete it.