Am i doing the right thing?

[TimLFC]

Hey i'm new here.

Browsing the forums i have seen some similar situations to what i am in. Basically i have finally come to compromise what exactly i have to do. This forum has shed a new light on me and given my plenty insight into relationships, i have to ever enter a relationship but i'm in no rush at all.

Basically i'll tell you the background. I started college and i became good friends with this girl. She told me she really really liked me even though she had a bf. Eventually we started making out and this occurred for some 4 months, now back then i didn't think much of it. Mainly because i liked this girl and she was attractive, fun to be with and meant a lot to me. All her emotions flowing onto me was a bit much, i did before we made out try to stop and have a break and gather my thoughts, be she got really upset. She was going to break up with her bf but didn't because i didn't tell her i liked her. So anyway she eventually decided to stay with her bf after 4 months of making out. I was strong took the decision and stayed with her as a friend. I was strong i had to be i sat next to her in every lesson and talked to her on msn constantly. Over the last few months over friendship went up and down and we still liked each other until she stopped liking me, i have no idea why but i still like her. But i found out she was telling me she liked me because her relationship wasn't great and stuff.

Now after all this about 10 months down the line of our friendship i still do like her, but reading through the threads i've come to realise i'm getting out. There's no point in continuing this friendship when i only put the effort it. It truly hurts me when i still put the effort in, she doesn't understand how mentally strong i have to be to stay a friend with her. After choosing her bf and sitting next to her 5 days a week for 6 months is tough and staying on msn is tough, i did forgive her. But i just don't think there's any point anymore, she doesn't understand what i've been through, she doesn't seem to care anymore. So i'm finally closing the door and focusing on my life and try and have a good summer, do you think this is the right thing? Or do you think i should stick by her as a friend?

[Gigabitch]

I think you should move on. You can't really be friends with her.

[xxazurexx]

No, close the door on her and especially when you are the one making all the effort.

You can't be friends with someone you have feelings for, which is why I suspect you make that effort and to keep it going.

Plenty more girls out there and who you would find don't cheat on their partners to be with you.

[TimLFC]

Cheers guys! I was planning on doing that earlier, it's just i couldn't because i would always see her in college, but now it's summer i can focus on my life. And we'll see if she does like me because she says she don't but her friend says she does. Hmm well i'll find out when i close there door.

[xxazurexx]

^Exactly. You sometimes have to close that door and to make their mind up for them. People don't tend to realise what they had until it's gone and closing that door can make them realise what they are losing/have lost.

It's a win win situation for you. If she returns, is willing to dump her guy, you win.
If she doesn't return, then it saved you wasting further time on someone who didn't care anyway, so you win

[TimLFC]

Yeah it's win win. One thing i'm not so sure is whether i should tell her. If i tell her i'm stopping being her friend she would ask why and i would say and then she would cry and stuff. Or should i just back off from now on, such as block her on msn and don't talk via txts? I prefer the latter to be perfectly honest.

[girl68]

just phase her out. don't tell her you don't want to be friends. give her the usual run around- oh hey, I've been sooo busy, got to go type responses.

[TimLFC]

Well thanks for all the advice, appreciate it! Will update if there is any news.

[TimLFC]

Hmmm this is harder then i thought. Right now i was about to block her but she started talking to me now, again and a lot as well. I'm finding it hard to block her. She seems to be very happy talking to me and uses lots of smiley faces? No wonder i'm not sure if she still likes me! But one thing is maybe it's too boost her ego i read? I don't know. one thing she said that worried me, i was talking about the future 4 years down the line about my parents would be gone so i can house parties. She said i better invite her yet i was thinking we're not going to remain friends that long. Honestly i'm confused what to do here. I know i have to block her and phase out slowly, but i don't know whether she likes me and i can only phase out for 2 months at best since when september comes i will be seeing her again. Oh well :\.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah it's win win. One thing i'm not so sure is whether i should tell her. If i tell her i'm stopping being her friend she would ask why and i would say and then she would cry and stuff. Or should i just back off from now on, such as block her on msn and don't talk via txts? I prefer the latter to be perfectly honest.

You do what is best for YOU, not what is best for her. My ex, turned friend wasn't too happy when I ended it either, but I did what was best for me!.
They are happy enough to want to continue to talk to us and take from us what they need, friendship, conversation, etc. But you aint getting what YOU need from it all.

Quit looking for silly excuses as to what may stop you from phasing her out/ending it.

It's something you have to do, or either continue on in a shitty situation in which you are not getting what you want. Your choice, your life.

[TimLFC]

^^ That really helped! I needed some powerful and ass kicking talk like that! I will do it, finally!

[xxazurexx]

I was like you and not that long ago. Each time I tried to end it, he'd come back...be all nicey nicey and I'd cave in and be friends again. But nothing was changing and despite how many times he came back and I was getting more and more pissed off with the situation. I was having this constant battle with myself and in order to try and remain his friend. In the end, I finally had all I could take and I just went cold turkey on him....cut him off stone cold. That was a few weeks back.

You have to be strong in this situation and quit allowing them to keep on sucking you back in time and time again. If she suspects that you are trying to break things off with her or you tell her, she will promise this and that, but she will fail to keep to her promises. They will say anything, to keep you around and for their own selfish reasons!

[TimLFC]

^^ That's true, it had been happening for sometime tbh. I had asked if she wanted to come round for ages she said yeah but still hasn't been round for 6 months. Now that i think about it that was the nail in the coffin! She kept on promising but never did, yet she went to other people's houses and her bf's all the time. Only time will tell if she wants to be with me, is 2 months enough time to find out? Because i know when i get back to college if i stay phased out she will ask me big time and she will still want to sit next to me. So is 2 months enough to find out whether she wants to be with me?