My GF has gained weight, how can I get her to realize it w/out hurting her?

[LailaK]

I agree with Giga and Blue. If you've tried everything else then maybe make a little comment. She probably doesn't realize that her weight bugs you.

[hurt_confuzd]

You could also quit being so self-centered and start liking fat chicks. Even Shamu needs lovin'.

[lahnnabell]

I agree that running sucks. You see results pretty quickly when you run regularly, but I just hate it. While it's not the BEST at helping with weight loss, I do yoga regularly. I also love to swim and need to get back into it. It's a total body work out but without the stress on your joints. And you get cardio. And the water just feels great

My boyfriend is really hard on himself about his weight. I think he looks wonderful. I know he's gained a little bit of weight in the last several months, and so I'm going to take proactive steps to help him with it. He and I will eat out frequently and this gets us both into trouble. Pizza, subs, etc. are bad food choices. Full of carbs that you don't need (if you're not working them off) and calories. They also fill you up, and so I'll eat and feel awful afterward sometimes.

I have to make an effort to go shopping regularly. I buy fruits, veggies, yogurt, juice, bran cereal. I indulge with some things like bagels, or a pint of ice cream. I'd rather that than stop by the 7/11 around the corner from my house on a whim. And sometimes when I want food, I have to make the conscious decision to eat at home instead of going out. Saves money and my body.

My boyfriend keeps saying he wants to learn how to cook. I'm gonna take him up on that and buy some cool cookbooks that we can play with together. It'll be a great way for us to actively spend time together, both of us learning something new and fun. AND we're gonna benefit from it health-wise. Maybe you could do the same? They have some nice country-based cookbooks out there, I'm thinking of learning some Spanish and Mexican (my boyfriend's fav) cuisine.

In the end, if she absolutely refuses to join you in this effort for a healthy lifestyle, it may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. You have identified a dealbreaker here. Nothing wrong with that, but it's important that you don't ignore it in the hopes that it'll get better. It won't magically get better, as you're aware of I'm sure. But I applaud you for a well-thought out post, and your efforts to lead by example. That's far more than most guys I know would have done

[lastwish]

Don't EVER tell her she is unattractive or make any direct criticism of her appearance. She would resent you. You should suggest it to her. Go work out too and take care of your own appearance. She would notice you are taking care of yourself and she would be pressured to do the same. The key thing is to suggest she can look better but never attack her directly.

[Charisma]

ahhh that horrible E word I hate so much. Exercise!

I would suggest getting a nintendo Wii, and Wii Fitness PLUS(it has extras! )

My mum has a Wii, and it's brilliant! Unfortunately I don't get to have a shot of it that often (too many people in the house that want to watch the telly or nieces/nephews wanting a go of it). But there's things from yoga, running, boxing, to more creative *exercises* like marching band(takes a lot of co-ordination), archery, shifting your weight to hit numbers to make a total number on the screen and hula hooping!(my favourite-where you get a score for how many spins you achieve). Those things unlock more games and game levels the more you do them. So they don't get boring! And when you make your little Mii person(that you can use in most of the games you play, and to keep your personal scores on things-and if others play the games and get highscores it can turn into a competition!), it will put you through body tests, and weigh you and give you a body ratio index thing.

The Wii Fit Plus also has features like a work out schedule thing to do (you pick upto 4 different games to do, that may be cardo stuff or stretching(yoga) or co ordinating or whatever the types are). I'm sure there's more games on there too.

I think all those things can motivate you to keep playing (well, exercising) when normally you'd wouldn't even start any exercises.

****Does not have shares in the Nintendo Wii company****

[LailaK]

lahnna gives AWESOME advice. Listen to her.

[styla786]

Hahahaha that is a very serious and funny case of these days.i give you a tip and don't laugh just try it.give tension to your Gf he will be smart seriously.

[JT1920]

I love her. We're both in our late 20's. We've been together about 1.5 years, and it's VERY serious. I want to stay with her, and really can't see myself with anyone else. She is everything I want: mentally and emotionally healthy (zero mind games), no drama, gives me my space when I need it, not needy but not distant, likes sex, and just good all around. We have a very good relationship.

However, since we started dating, she has stopped exercising as much and started eating more. In fact, she's the type of girl who will eat anything and everything you put in front of her. She used to run 2 or 3 times a week, now she doesn't do it... EVER. She wasn't skinny when we first started dating, but she was definitely still fit and sexy. In the past year, it's really gotten bad. I notice her shirts are all fitting really tight and it almost looks like the chubbiness is trying to break out through the seams (kinda like muffintops?). When she sits, I see the buddha belly form, and her upper half is becoming more and more "barrel-shaped". Overall, it's not looking so pretty.

I noticed I've also been silently resenting her for it, and I hate that I feel that way because I love her so much and my thoughts are mean. I know, I know, if i REALLY loved her I wouldn't care what she looked like. That's bullshit, first of all. But anyway, I think one of the main reasons I'm unhappy is because she seemed to have stopped taking care of herself. It's almost like she doesn't care what I think of her anymore. Or maybe she's so comfortable having such a committed boyfriend, she feels it's safe to let it all go now. It's totally unfair. It's one thing if she has no control of what's happening, but it's another if it's happening because of her own negligence or laziness.

If I were truly shallow, I would've left her by now. I'm writing this because I really need help to stay in this relationship. I want to stay with her. But I also want her to look good. I've tried the whole doing activities together stuff. I've dropped big hints like, "Hey, I think we've both been eating really unhealthy, and we don't exercise as much..." She's not getting it. I've even tried taking up a sport that I know she enjoys, just so I can motivate her to do something. But nothing works. She simply doesn't want to exercise anymore. She doesn't want to run anymore because "it's not fun." Staying in shape takes a lot of work (I exercise 3-5 times per week, so I'm very fit and toned), and she simply doesn't want to do that work.

What can I do? I don't want to be the guy who makes an otherwise UN-selfconscious girl selfconscious. I don't want her to feel bad about herself. I don't want her to think I don't love her. I just want her to take care of herself again. For her and for me. I will never tell her she's fat or unattractive, because she's not. I will never tell her to go exercise if she doesn't want to, because she'll just end up resenting me for it. But I just don't want to have a fat girlfriend, and fat is where she's headed right now. I don't want to be the guy with the fat girlfriend, where everyone says behind his back, "Jeez, why is he dating her?" If she looked this way 1.5 years ago, I don't think I would have started dating her. It's just not my type, and I'm trying very hard to stay attracted.

Please help.

Not trying to be rude here but Bingo. What you wrote in bold is how alot of women get once they're in a serious relationship.

[roy_delene]

I know this is in the ask a female forum but I feel compelled to reply. Good luck telling her that she's getting too fat. I think it might be a symptom of something else. Maybe she's suffering from depression. Have you noticed any other changes in her behavior? Like disturbances in her sleep cycle general apathy towards things she once enjoyed? Has she said anything that about feelings of hopelessness? I guess you have to try and look at the reason why she doesn't seem to care if she's getting fat instead of complaining about it because it may be a sign of something else going on

[tjchan76]

I think it might be a symptom of something else.

No, she's very healthy all around. Happy, outgoing, social. No depression or other psych disorders. I think it's just pure laziness. I mean, it makes sense, who really WANTS to exercise? Cardio is such a pain! But it's just not an excuse for me. And I'm finding it VERY difficult looking past it. I don't think she's "fat," but I do believe that she WILL be "fat" in a couple of months if she doesn't do anything about it now. This REALLY REALLY REALLY sucks. Ladies, please don't do this to your men. We're very simple creatures, and very much visually driven. So regardless of how connected we are emotionally or mentally, if you let yourself go, it'll be really hard for us to not look at other women.

I would suggest getting a nintendo Wii, and Wii Fitness PLUS

Not a bad idea... I'll have to look into this more. (I think it's going to take more than a video game to get her to slim down).

Go work out too and take care of your own appearance. She would notice you are taking care of yourself and she would be pressured to do the same.

I already do this. I have a cut and toned body, swim 2-3 times a week, and weight training 1-2 times per week. I have very low body fat, and am physically healthy all around.

I applaud you for a well-thought out post, and your efforts to lead by example. That's far more than most guys I know would have done

I'll be honest, I'm shocked that this forum has been as supportive and helpful as it has been. I was expecting a barrage of women calling me names for being so shallow and how I'm the reason for their weight/body image issues... blah blah blah. So, thank you all for your kind words and for taking the time to reply!

[lahnnabell]

I'll be honest, I'm shocked that this forum has been as supportive and helpful as it has been. I was expecting a barrage of women calling me names for being so shallow and how I'm the reason for their weight/body image issues... blah blah blah. So, thank you all for your kind words and for taking the time to reply!

Your original post was very well-thought out and thorough. Had you come on here and said, "Help! Girlfriend is getting fat and I don't think I love her like I used to!" you would've gotten destroyed. BUT we can tell that you do truly care about her from the way you organized your post and provided us with all the information about your situation. You sound like a keeper, so I hope that your girl sees this.

[LailaK]

If my boyfriend gained a lot of weight I wouldn't be as attracted to him either because that's not the body type I'm into. I think most people get that. Being willing to work with each other to have a healthy lifestyle and deeply fulfilling physical relationship is a part of love in my opinion.

Personally I think both men and women should WANT to be highly attractive to their partners. Again, just my opinion.

[Gaby09]

I think honesty is the best but women are all tending not wanting to hear sth about weight. Just tell her it's very unhealthy don't say she's fat. Because it shows that you care about her health, not about her physical appereance

[Chlorine]

I think it's just pure laziness. I mean, it makes sense, who really WANTS to exercise? Cardio is such a pain! But it's just not an excuse for me. And I'm finding it VERY difficult looking past it. I don't think she's "fat," but I do believe that she WILL be "fat" in a couple of months if she doesn't do anything about it now. This REALLY REALLY REALLY sucks. Ladies, please don't do this to your men. We're very simple creatures, and very much visually driven. So regardless of how connected we are emotionally or mentally, if you let yourself go, it'll be really hard for us to not look at other women.

I already do this. I have a cut and toned body, swim 2-3 times a week, and weight training 1-2 times per week. I have very low body fat, and am physically healthy all around.

tjchan76------It's not just laziness, but maybe she is also tired. I'm assuming you guys both work. It's tiring having to pack your gear and head to the gym after long day of work and pound on the treadmill. I say this because I do sports and midweek sports is a killer. You exercise quite a bit and sound really motivated. She isn't motivated and I would take her comments of "running isn't fun, my legs hurt etc" quite seriously. Running is hard on the knees, on the feet, even more so when you hate running. I'm guessing you have always been the sporty one in the relationship? She probably did a lot of sports in the beginning to hook you, but actually she isn't into sports. If she liked sports, you wouldn't have to push her. She'de go by herself. So now....well, you're seeing the real her.

I don't know. If it bothers you so much, then I reckon you'll have to say something. Just be nice about it.

It's true that girls are touchy about their appearance. My best friend suddenly went to the gym everyday and wouldn't eat. I was like, waah? She said that when she got out of bed one day, her boyfriend said that her butt cheeks were starting to hang. Horrid, horrid, horrid. I was forced to check out her butt (at her insistence). I told her she looked great, no cellulite. Maybe not as perky as a 16yr old butt, but great for her age. Did she believe me? No.

[doppelgaenger]

I'm not judging your distaste for her becoming overweight or anything, but seriously, I'd rather have a fat chick than a health nut.
Some women will actually refuse to go out and have a pizza on a Friday night, and would rather sit home and eat bread crumbs.