Need help with intimate side of relationshop

[Timelovesahero]

I've been seeing this girl exclusively for about 3 years now and we are having some serious issues syncing up the intimate side of our relationship. Now she is a wait-until-marriage kind of gal and that is fine with me. *The problem is she is a lot less horny now than she was in the first year, and Im not talking about a natural decrease that occurs in relationships. *Back then we made out and went to third regularly and everyone was happy. Now she is horny maybe one day out of the month and I have to pray I'm lucky enough that I'm seeing here that day. *Here are the things that changed immediatley prior to our intimate downslide: she started graduate school and she got off the pill. About a year later I ended school and I moved further away and only see her 2-3 times a week (as opposed to everyday). * I have talked with her about this problem at length and we haven't solved anything. She says she wants to be as horny as she use to but just isn't. She got back on thr pill to see if that helps. I'll be moving closer in the upcoming month also.*

My problem is this; I want to marry the girl but I can't until we can find a solution to our apparent sexual differences. I know we couldn't suceed if we have this big of a difference. Help us please

[sookie6]

I'm confused:

She's a wait till marriage kinda girl, you' refine with it..so are you or are you not sleeping together a opposed to just fooling around?

[Timelovesahero]

We are basically doing everything but having sex. The issue is we are doing "everything but" two to three times a month and she only wants it once a month. I don't get to touch her down there except maybe once a month or less.

[vashti]

Why was she on the pill if you two weren't having sex?

[Timelovesahero]

To control her cramps

[VincenzoG91]

I find the "everything but sex" concept to be absurd. A more accurate description would be "everything but intercourse," and there is no excuse for that. Do religious people seriously think that their God can't figure out they're having orgasms from oral sex or fingering? Very silly. If I were in a relationship with a woman like that, I wouldn't stick around for marriage, because I would be constantly annoyed by her hypocrisy.

[Timelovesahero]

Okay so that answer is not very helpful. Also she is not doing this for religious reasons, just how she was brought up. So save your judgement for somewhere else.

[vashti]

I am not sure this problem isn't related to the duration of your relationship. It is kind of common for girls in their 20s to be unable to sustain sexual interest once they feel comfortable in a relationship. Generally speaking, women's peak interest in sex begins in their 30s, which unfortunately, isn't in sync with males their age.

I don't know if being on the pill will help her... usually, it has the opposite effect. However, I suppose it's possible she just misses having more regular access to you, but I think that's a remote possibility.

[Charisma]

*also takes the pill to control cramps*

This is a tough one, because it sounds like she was more *in the mood* when she got to see you more. And now that she's further away and that she's in grad school, she's in the mood less often. Men are a bit of the opposite. I know that a little bit of absence drives them to want a girl more. Whereas absence for women usually make them annoyed. I know I take it personally if a guy doesn't see/keep in touch enough.

I also commend her on her decision. I grew up around girls who most of them were sleeping with guys before they were 16, not starting after 16 like our law says. I ended up sleeping with guys when I was drunk years later(at 20), which I regret. So it's nice to know someone is making sure they are ready before doing it, and not out of peer pressure or unintentionally(which I'm sure there's a lot of people who do it when they are ready and at a sensible age too.)

[lahnnabell]

Giga made a real awesome point when I hit her up for advice recently. My boyfriend and I were having slight issues with finding ourselves on the same page together about spending quality time. I was happy to see him whenever, and he wanted less time together. I asked her why he might want this after he spent 4 months in Mexico earlier this year, when we never got to see each other.

She said that he and I should try just spending time together, but leave out the sex. Just absorb each other's pheromones and cuddle, and enjoy each others' presence. It seems to me you guys are losing your connection because of how little you see each other. Perhaps this would be a good opportunity to inject some romance back into the relationship. Send her a care package of some kind. Or a letter. Do consistent little romantic things that show her you care and are thinking of her. I know I'd stop putting out if I felt that I wasn't being valued enough in other ways.