Girlfriend broke up with me.

[ElToroGrande]

Heya, hows it going guys this is my first post here but i really need to speak to someone about this as its really hard and im sick of acting all macho in front of everyone. Bare with me this may be a bit long lol.

Basically i have been dating my gf since last October, she is a wonderful girl! beautiful, smart and funny basically everything i have ever looked for and more. We instantly clicked and had the best times together! but when we first started seeing each other she was seeing another guy as well, we were not exclusive so that was ok. She chose me over him and we started going out. Unfortunatley the guy she was seeing is also her best friends cousing so he was alaways about, i got really jealous and the fact that he text her one night saying he still liked her didnt help matters, but still i got over it and got on with it.

Fast forward my gf and her friends book a holiday with 6 guy pals, and yep he's there! this causes major problems! loads of fights and stuff but we always got over them. I thought a break up was best then because it was going to be too hard but she begged me to stay with her and that we could work through anything, she called me every day on holiday and even wrote me a letter for every day she was away with little gifts inside. Plus she dais the guys were only going to be there for 10 days instead of two weeks. This showed me she really cared and wanted to make it work so i tried. On holiday though she completely changed, she became really selfish and her phone calls were cold! we argued a lot again and had a BIG arguement on her last night when i was really drunk.

So when she gets home she comes up, says that she doesnt feel the same anymore, says we arent being decent to each other anymore and that our spark is gone. Says this relationship is making her a person she doesnt want to be, and that she has started lying to me, nothing big just little daft things but thats she knows it will only get worse and she scared she might cheat on me one day. I tell her that i love her more than anything, know i was wrong and things will change, she says she doesnt know what she wants to do, because she doesnt want to know that theres never a chance we can get back together someday if we break up. She says we should take a break for a while to find ourselves. After a few days though i text her and say that a break is no good, if she wants to give this a trye then so be it but im not going to put my life on hold.

She phoned me last night and said that its not going to work, she loves me but doesnt feel in love with me anymore. Doesnt feel like she used to and couldnt say to herself 'i love that boy so much!'. So thats it we are broken up, and it hurts like hell! i feel like my world has come crashing down! i tell her that we shouldnt talk anymore and that i have deleted her facebook, she gets kinda mad and is like but cant we be friends, i want to know what your doing from time to time, dont you want to know what im doing? i tell her no because jealousy will only fester and its best we make a clean break. She reluctantly agrees. I know that this holiday has changed her, she's really buzzing right now about all her holiday friends and i get the feeling that the rush of being just back and always hanging out with them is clouding her judgement.

Thing is she has to come over during the week to pick up her DVD's, how should i play this? is there any chance we could get back together? iv not contacted her again, but iv left my facebook open and started messaging other girls, bit cheap i know but jealousy is a powerful tool. Any help would be greatly appreciated, i feel like shit and i just want to get her back.

[TheBlackFlux]

My advice is - do not try to get together, because it will only be mess. Play it cool, remember all the stupid, unnecessary stress you'd have with this girl. It's natural to feel like shit, that'll go away over time.

[ElToroGrande]

I know its best to try and make a clean break, im just hopeing there is somesort of chance of getting back together. Im not going to call or text her because i know thats a stupid idea, if i pursue her i know it will only push her further away.

Since breaking up though she hasnt spent one single night by herself, so i dont know how the hell she could have thought about it that much! i mean i know when im with my friends i dont miss my girl but when im alone i think of her all the time. Maybe im just clutching at strwas but i kinda hope when this whole post holiday buzz ends and she starts thinking clearly maybe things could work again.

[ElToroGrande]

I have a question though, is a post holiday breakup a common thing? do like people ever have periods of confusion when they return from holiday and break up only to realise later down the line it was a bad idea? not trying to get my hopes up or anything but its just an extremely weird set of circumstances. I know when i get home from holiday and in holiday mode the people i was with are all that matters, i want to party with them all the time and do stuff...that wears off quickly though and i kinda get the feeling this might be the case. Im not going to wait to find out though, if she wants me she'l come back, if not im DEFINETELY not going to chase.

Thanks again people, your help has been greatly appreciated.

[girl68]

In 10 days she realized how much fun not being in a relationship was. How well she fared without you was a big wakeup call for her. So yes, I think it's normal your spaz attacks helped her see the how much greener the grass is.

[ElToroGrande]

I know we were both not good to each other, i will be the first to admit that. The thing is though were so madly in love the day before she left, i mean deeply in love wanting to spend every minute together. I just dont get how two weeks can change all that!? i told her i knew i was an ass and that we could wipe the slate clean and start again, she said our relationship was ruined and it didnt feel the same, we werent being decent to each other at all. She said she knew going on holiday with an ex was selfish and she did it anyways, then that i never done nothing wrong to her and probably deserve better.

Is there any way i could ever win her back? i mean i know that some day down the line i will love again its only natural, i already got two girls phone numbers yesterday. Texting them just doesnt feel right, they dont fill that void. I am a clinging on to false hope in thinking her post holiday buzz will wear off and only then she will know what she truly wants?

Thanks again people.

[girl68]

Not really and don't push it if you don't want to mix and migle and date don't it's not nice to take girls for a run just for the hell of it.

No, you won't win her back. She may only realize what she had and come back but there isn't anything you can actively do.

And honestly you don't have to "get how" anything... it is what it is. It can happen, she had a helluva lot of fun without you that was all the convincing she needed to leave.

[ElToroGrande]

Iim not the kind of person who would ever do that to someone though, both these girls know im recently single its safe to assume they know im just on the rebound and wanting to have fun. Kinda of worried though if anything does happen though because ever since we broke up i REALLY struggle to get aroused, maybe that will change with the presence of another woman though.

Thats true, i think she has realised this but i also think that her feelings are clouded right now and hasnt processed the whole thing properly yet. She's still not even been home for a week yet and already been out almost every night since then. Im dreading having her come over for her dvd's, i really dont know what im gona do??? she said she'l call when she's going to come over for them, might be my chance to regain some form of control here instead of being the whiney bitch asking her to take me back.

Thanks for the reply though, your brutaly honest but i suppose thats what i need right now.

[girl68]

When she calls and comes over just be polite and have her things packed up and in a box by the door so she doesn't come in, no coffee, no chatting no nothing really greet her, give her things back and say it was good to see you, have a good day. Leave it at that.

[ElToroGrande]

I know thats the best thing to but it will be hard, i suppose its trying to do it in a way that i dont come across as being petty or angry.

At the same time i know fine well if i invite her in she would accept it, one thing we have always been is very passionate and sexual with each other, that never died even a bit during our ten months together! i feel if that side was explored again it would help a lot! ...maybe im just talking nonsense now! clutching at straws my heads all over the place and my brain is working against me at the moment!

[Gigabitch]

Oh, for God's sake, let her go. No, you shouldn't push the sex agenda when she comes to get her stuff. Actually, if she's smart, she won't come alone because she'll have noticed that you're a little frantic and unstable lately.

Stop messaging other girls on Facebook. Jealousy is powerful FOR YOU. She probably just thinks your attempt to upset her is sad. Just let the girl go. If you have any hope of getting her back, it will be in a few years, after you've grown up and she remembers how hot your chemistry used to be. That is, if you don't blow it completely by acting like a total psycho (which you know you are right now).

[ElToroGrande]

I told her to bring someone and she said no it would be better if she came alone. The problem is i get very mixed signals, thats why i cant let go.

I can keep my cool though when it comes to it, when she comes over im not gona break down and beg her to come back lol. I just think that the relationship is salvageable and she's not thinking clearly...but i suppose theres nada i can do really but get out there and live my life, maybe one day we'l end up back together.

[Gigabitch]

I told her to bring someone and she said no it would be better if she came alone. The problem is i get very mixed signals, thats why i cant let go.

You can't let go because you don't want to. Really, you should try. No Contact is the best thing for you. This girl is driving you crazy. Get your life back.

[cmacattack1]

When my ex dumped me, I always told myself "But I thought she loved me?" and "I'm not that kind of person." Guess what? She didn't care about me like she used to, and the person I became was somebody I didn't recognize. Are you honestly the person that is trying to talk to other girls just to get her jealous? No, you are in survival mode trying to use any trick possible to win her back.

Of course you are going to get mixed signals. No matter how horrible of a boyfriend you were, and how strong of a person she is, when she takes the step to totally remove you from her life, it hurts her too. She is going to wonder if dumping you was the right choice. The best you can do is not give her any reason to think you are the wrong choice. Overemotional, saying things you don't mean, being jealous, trying to get with other girls and rub it in your face. If any of those tricks worked and she was back with you, guess what? It would be temporary and she would break up with you again because all the same problems would be there and neither of you have the patience anymore to wait until they are fixed.

She wanted this, so you give it to her. She wants her DVD's back? You let her have it. All you can do is be respectful of her wishes. Fall of the face of the Earth. If she cares about you in the future, she'll be curious and wonder what's going on with you. Even still, you shouldn't get your hopes up of reconciliation. You think that it was a giant shock that she just dropped this bomb on you, but nobody just wakes up one day and says "Oh yeah, we're done by the way." She thought about this for a while and maybe she wasn't entirely honest with how she felt or you were too dense to read the signs but that's the reality of the situation. She took this step when she felt like she was ready to. All you can do is let her be, and NOT focus on getting her back, but focus on finding your life and your happiness without her.

That way you are becoming the person you were before that she fell in love with in the first place. That happy go lucky, confident person. Right now youre emotions are running pretty high, and the feeling of the hurt and the pain is still fresh in both of your minds. All you can is let that go and give it some time, and if you are focusing on yourself, you aren't driving yourself insane chasing after her. Which is pushing her far away anyway, because it's giving her the confidence to find somebody else knowing that you are going to be there when she needs it.

Is there a possibility of losing her for good? Absolutely, and it's very high. You have already lost her. I think you have an idea of the things you did wrong, maybe getting drunk and acting immature and pushing her away with those shenanigans. So as long as you can improve from this experience, you aren't in an entirely losing scenario. It takes time to really examine where you went wrong and if you are focusing on being a better person and instituting it into your daily life, the next time you run into her, you will exude that you are a newer, better, changed person.

And the thing about focusing on yourself is also realizing that you don't need her to be happy. When you are fully happy with yourself, chasing after her won't nearly as matter as much. You really cannot lose.

[ElToroGrande]

Thank you so very much for that long and informative reply! that must have taken you ages and i am extremely grateful.

Basically everything you said there is completely bang on the button, she even said she had thought about it for a while but wasnt being completely true to her feeling because she was so scared of losing me. I guess we have both changed over the course of our relationship and not for the better at that. She even said 'your not the nice funny guy i met at the start' which is true to an extent, i have became bitter and intolerant in certain situations.

I guess we both need time apart and if we end up back together some day then so be it, but i am going to go round to my friends for a few beers and enjoy the football. Tired of being miserable and i need some sort of cheering up...probably sway back to being mad and depressed in about 5 minutes again but what the hell! haha

Thank you once again for that post, i wont forget it!