Moving in...

[flymetothemoon]

Hi all -

Thanks in advance for your guidance. I will try to make this succinct!

I have known my boyfriend for about 5 years, been with him for about a year. Until a few weeks ago, we were in a long distance relationship - him in New York, me in Boston. Long distance is never easy, but we made it work pretty well between texts, phone calls and trips. We talked about the future frequently, and as soon as we were sure we were serious about the relationship, we knew eventually, we'd have to live in the same place. We always agreed that living together would be a perfect next step, and that seeing each other on a daily basis sounded incredible - and necessary.

He made the move to Boston to be with me. I know it is a huge change to uproot your entire life, but he committed to and did it. Let me say that I never said he had to be with me by a certain date or anything like that. He really chose this. Now that we are trying to settle in (looking for a new apartment together, etc), I am feeling anxious and worried. He doesn't seem as happy as perhaps I expected, and I am sure this is because he is missing his old life. Maybe it was wrong of me to have any sort of expectations like that, but I guess after all of the talk, I assumed it could be all of those rainbows and butterflies that were in my head.

I would appreciate advice from anyone who has experienced something similar. How do you get through the adjustment period? How can I be supportive without smothering him? The last thing I would want is for him to regret his decision...am I putting too much pressure on myself?

[Gigabitch]

I remember this.

Three years ago, my boyfriend moved 1200 miles to move in with me. he had no support network, no job yet, didn't know a soul except for me here. He freaked out a little. Then he got over it. Everything's fine now.

Don't fret about it. it's just natural to be a little freaked out when you move and take a big risk for love. He'll be fine.

[QueenofCorona]

I'm in that same boat right now with your bf.

I am moving in with my bf later this summer. I'm only moving about 15 mins away but its another city, another house, another environment, I'll be getting a different job too. I'm nervous about those changes and then making it work with him too, its so much to think about. Transitions are never easy, especially with the unknown, and there will be tough days but he did it because he loves you and wants to be with you. Just assure him that you are there for him for whatever he needs.

[VincenzoG91]

When my girlfriend moved in with me three years ago, the first month was really rough, even though we had been together for nearly four years at that point. We were both set in our ways about handling normal household stuff, but we had to talk things out and make compromises. One smart thing she did was put me in charge of feeding her cat, so her cat would like me. The rest was mostly a question of who cleans what and how often.

[lahnnabell]

Agreed with everyone that it'll just take time. Maybe he's nervous about getting called out for his Yankee fandom I'm actually from Boston myself. Moved out to SD in 2008 with my boyfriend at the time. He and I broke up last year, but don't let that worry you. It had more to do with our dysfunctional relationship and less about the move.

Start planning things for you guys to do that involve showing him the city. Boston, like New York City, can be very overwhelming for someone who is new. The streets are crazy, windy, and full of one-ways. You can get lost in the middle of the night if you take the wrong exit off the 93. And you know that no one is more hated in Boston than a Yankees fan.

Do the cheesy stuff you haven't done in a while like the swan boats, the aquarium, or show him some history and go to Minuteman National Park or Plymouth Plantation. Does he enjoy beer? Take him to Sunset in Allston. Ice cream? Go to Kimball Farm near Carlisle. (If you've heard of these places you can just ignore me. I kind of just miss home) Spend a day at Long Beach, and take him to Rockport. Show him your home

[cmacattack1]

Absolutely, show him a good time and remind him of how great it can be spending time with you, in case the pressures of the real world are eating him up. Also encourage him to go out and try new things to, meet new people, maybe get a social network of his own so you don't "smother him". You won't have him clinging onto your shirt when you want to go out and do things with your friends too.

[flymetothemoon]

You guys are so awesome! I really appreciate the feedback and real-life experiences. It is comforting to know I'm not alone, and hearing what you have been through makes it easier to get through myself.

lol @ lahnnabell - could be!