should I, shouldn't I - what does it all mean

[thedollmaker]

Ok, I'm really confused and it's to the point where everyone I ask for advice says something different and it's only making all the situations more cloudy for me...so I'm hoping that I can get more of a solid consensus on what to do......

Here's the story, my BF and I met on a dating site last year, dated briefly before he was deployed. During his deployment we talk and email every single day, sometimes we will exchange as many as 10 emails a day - usually quite indepth sharing everything from silly laughs to deepest feelings on any number of issues. We've become very close, love has been mentioned but rightfully so he said he didn't want to say the three words over the phone or email but wanted to wait for in person, we've discussed a definite future together but no solid plans have been made.

Well, he is in the middle of his two week leave right now. He had a lot of stuff to do all over the country. He spent his first day back with me, we had a great time, he left his Army gear and a few of his prize possessions here, he introduced himself to my mother for the first time as "the boyfriend" and he sent me an email late that night after we went out saying he had a wonderful time, he would call and email when he could on all of his travels and he hoped he could always be mine. Then very early the next morning he left to go "home" which is on the opposite side of the country. (he was going to stay for a week and then fly somewhere else to pick up a vehicle he bought and then drive it back down here so we could spend a day or two together before he went back) I didn't expect to hear from him a lot in the week and a half or so he was gone esp when home, he was going to see family - mother, sisters - who he hadn't seen in a couple years, he also had to pack up everything in his old house and put it into storage, so I knew he would be super busy. But I didn't hear from him at all for that week, I was going through all sorts of the insecure, negative emotions that a lot of women go through, thinking he wasn't talking because he decided he didn't like me at all, trying to find a nice way to break up with me etc. Finally I couldn't take the silence and just sent a text asking if he was ok. His response was that he missed me, with all the moving he was doing he was miserable for several days and then he said he wanted to thank me for being the rare woman, being patient with him while he gets all of this stuff done. All I said was no problem being patient while waiting for him and I looked forward to seeing him again.

So yesterday he would have been leaving "home" and flying back across country to pick up his vehicle, I am back to not having heard from him in three days. I saw yesterday that he posted somewhere - to all of his guy friends - that he was waiting for a connecting flight, thrilled that he is on his way to pick up his new love interest - the vehicle he was going for. I was hurt because he said that when he had email access on the trip he would write me - he didn't.

Here I am, having gone a week and a half with only three text messages from someone I'm used to talking to everyday. I'm not entirely sure when I'm going to see him again, could be tomorrow, could be Sunday night or maybe he gets so wrapped up in all vehicle stuff and guy friends he doesn't make it at all before he goes back, he's not telling me anything so I have no idea.

What should I think of all that? Is he just really busy in a short amount of time and not in need of the communication I crave or is he brushing me off? I miss writing to him but without responses it feels kind of weird, should I send him an email of any nature or just wait for him to contact me? What about text messages, would it be fair to text and ask when he will be here again to see me or is that too pushy? Should I say at all that the lack of communication has hurt my feelings or should I keep it to myself because I am being an over emotional girl? Should I have any faith in this relationship or should I be letting him go?

[Gigabitch]

I had this problem with my husband when we were first getting together. He was very compartmentalized and honestly didn't see the problem with staying out of touch while in "business mode". He actually thought he was being respectful, waiting until he could give me his undivided attention before calling.

It took a very clear explanation to him in writing that Radio Silence was unacceptable before he snapped. I told him I didn't like feeling as if I were just another item on his to do list, and one at the bottom of the list, at that, and if he wanted me to be happy to hear from him, I'd like to hear from him every day, even if it was just for three minutes. Apparently, he wasn't aware that it's possible to talk to a girl on the phone for only three minutes.

Maybe this is the problem with your man. Maybe he thinks he has to give you 100% of his attention to give you any. Tell him you're looking for frequency as much as quality in your correspondence. Try to explain in technical terms- guys love that shit.

[thedollmaker]

I had this problem with my husband when we were first getting together. He was very compartmentalized and honestly didn't see the problem with staying out of touch while in "business mode". He actually thought he was being respectful, waiting until he could give me his undivided attention before calling.

It took a very clear explanation to him in writing that Radio Silence was unacceptable before he snapped. I told him I didn't like feeling as if I were just another item on his to do list, and one at the bottom of the list, at that, and if he wanted me to be happy to hear from him, I'd like to hear from him every day, even if it was just for three minutes. Apparently, he wasn't aware that it's possible to talk to a girl on the phone for only three minutes.

Maybe this is the problem with your man. Maybe he thinks he has to give you 100% of his attention to give you any. Tell him you're looking for frequency as much as quality in your correspondence. Try to explain in technical terms- guys love that shit.

That actually sounds so much like us it's unreal. And what you have said just "feels" more like the truth than anything any one else has said and I can completely believe he is not calling because he can't focus on me right now and thinks I would demand more than a couple of minutes - I actually hate the phone and don't want to have long conversations but I would really like three minutes or an email to let me know that is alive and still thinking of me.

I guess I really need to talk to him about it.

Thank you for the response!