Marry my Ex gf? How to get her back...?

[jcording]

If this is too long, I will happily edit it to be more concise. I'm just trying to be inclusive/detailed to get the best advice. I'm new here so bear with me, just let me know if its too long. To those who will take the time to read it all, thanks very much in advance.


BACKGROUND:
I�m 26 and so is she. We started dating when we were about 20, and were together for 5 and a half years. The last two years were pretty rough, broke up a few times, once for 2 months where she dated another guy and I won her back easily (2.5 years ago) and again for two months where we had a bad blow out and she she dated some guy (1.5 years ago) but again I won her back . I was always able to win her back when we broke up, 2 week max return, living in the same semi-small college town city (250k people).

Things were ok with us when I lost my job last July (she and I had been living together for about 7 months), but I had to move 6 hours away to live with my parents when this happened. I was in a terrible state of mind. I felt like my boss kicked me in the teeth, I was broke, stressing out about trying to get back into a Masters program for the Spring (successful), away from my woman, and just at dead rock bottom.

Anyway, because of the strain of the distance, my shitty weak self-pitty state of mind at the time, I did not treat her or give her the amount of attention I should have last Fall. I didn�t text her enough, I was distant in conversation on the phone. She tried to cheer me up sometimes, visited me and brought me a gift, one time sent me a letter with her lipstick kisses all over it, etc. I didn�t reciprocate these efforts to her, although she did nice things for me.

I did nothing special for her Birthday in October, I was a zombie. Just a phone call. What a jackass.

We only got to see each other every two weeks. By end of October we broke up, I was devastated but at the time it felt like it was inevitable, and the right thing to do, so I went with it. This was the lowest point in my life.
I eventually got a job selling cars for the month of December. I learned a lot about having to be confident to sell yourself and the car. Got to talk with lots of strangers and worked with incredibly positive and fun guys. Exactly what I needed at the time, saved my soul.
I moved back to the college town in January for school. Over the semester I lost my new confident lifestyle/mentality having to concentrate on school and living with younger immature people took me down a notch.

I forget how it came about, but in January I met her for coffee and to help her with her laptop one afternoon. I think I emailed her to say hi, and this developed. We met, chatted a bit, fixed the computer, then I left. A 45 minute meeting, I still did not want to be with her at this time. I can�t remember how I was able to not be attracted to her.I think I was kind of mad that she left me when I needed someone the most. I moved on with the semester, made a perfect GPA, gained 10lbs of muscle, got some sun, life was good.

HER:
She�s damn dead charming and incredibly confident. And its her constant personality that makes her charming. You hear it a lot, but she�s the f*cking master at charm. She prides herself on being a socialite. She is flawless in social situations with any type or age of person. She�s gorgeous, and because of my influence on her over the years she has become very ambitious . She�s really, really, really good at selling herself. She likes sex, a lot. Her parents had a rough divorce when she was 12, she has 4 brothers who all amount to nothing, and 2 have had kids at too young of an age and are in shitty marriages. She didn�t know what love within her family was when she was young. She is the family�s hope for success. She has a lot of pride. She does a lot of modeling to break into other, bigger better things in the advertising and marketing industry, which from talking with her seems she is accomplishing.

So anyway I email her mid-June, saying im moving to Houston soon and that it would be good to see her before I go, I invite her for a coffee. She writes back, says shes moving to dallas soon, and she would be down for coffee. We get coffee, we chat a bit, it�s a little awkward at first. I find out she is seeing someone. Ouch. I act like its nothing, suggest we get a drink somewhere as its getting closer to about 8:30pm. We drink a bit, walk to another bar, drink a little more. She tells me about her successes with modeling and how it has led her to model, write, and design an article in an online magazine. I go on about how great my spring semester went, I gained muscle, im tan, she says she notices and that I look good. She�s breaking down a bit, gets emotional and bites her lip and I can tell she wants me. I play it cool, don�t want to scare her off telling her I want her too.

She tells me more about her modeling gigs, how people in dallas �flock� to her and love her ideas in the industry, etc. She�s from the city we are in, she�s nervous about moving, it�s a big jump and kind of scary to do. She will be moving in with her Dad in Arlington until she can save up enough money to rent her own place. She�s going to Dallas for a week in 2 days.
We leave the bar, get some late night BBQ and eat it in her car. I don�t want to leave, she doesn�t ask me to get out. We continue to talk, and Ican tell she really doesn't want the night to end. Eventually she�s exhausted and has to drive home, we hug, it lingers. I make an excuse to talk about something else. We talk, brief hug, and I go home.

I don�t contact her for almost 2 weeks. I call, we meet up for drinks Saturday night. We have a good time, she�s not emotional throughout the night. She comes back to my place for one last drink at the end of the night. We sit/lay on the couch. She�s flirtatious and says she needs to go. She decides she�s too drunk to drive and its almost 4am, so she decides to sleep in my bed, at first with me on the floor, then with me, but says not to touch her. I respect her wishes, we sleep, get up the next day, have lunch together. 4 pm she wants to have �Sunday-funday� with me. She comes over and we drink a little.
She can tell I want her. This upsets her a bit and says she should go. I break down, tell her I miss her. After some groveling on my part, I end up seducing her and we get intimate. No sex, she�s on her period.
Eventually she has to go home because she will work in the morning. I let her go. I think I�m in.

Next evening I call her and she says she made a mistake being with me last night. Her bf will be crushed if he found out. I send her flowers at work a few days later, she emails to thank me but says maybe we shouldn�t talk. I email, text, no response. I call, and she answers and we talk for a while, casually. Eventually she says her bf comes into town for the next few days/weekend. I email her and tell her I had planned to Marry her later in the year if our relationship kept strong. This is true. She calls. It hits hard on her, she breaks down and doesn�t know what to do. Her bf is in town so she can�t see me. We talk a lot, I tell her to take some time to think about everything.

She says she is scared to be with me, she doesn�t want her heart broken again. But she says she loves me and I am an important person in her life.

The next week I email, I text. She doesn�t email or text back. However, every time I call, she always answers. We chat on the phone every 2-3 days. I think I�m getting through to her a bit, she says she likes the chase. Her emotional/love connection feels like its slipping, but the friend connection grows a little. I know this girl inside and out. She is just scared to get back with me, but I know she�s still in love with me. She�s damn stubborn and won�t let herself and wont admit it. My thinking is that its just going to take longer this time to get her back since we were apart for so long, and she has a bf that supports her. He supports her emotionally, is stable and he�s wealthy. F*ck.

This past weekend is the next time I see her, Sunday night. I had to tell her we will hang out strictly as friends for her to come over. We open a bottle of wine (her idea), watch some TV. She begs to see photos of the girls I dated in the 8 months we were apart. I dated 2, had sex with 5, was intimate with 7, I show her 4 I �dated� and tell her I dated a few more.

She asks if I want to be with her only because its comfortable. She�s contemplating being with me. I say no, I�ve been dating, I know what I want. I tell her to me its simple. She starts to get tired, insists firmly she has to leave. I walk her to her car, her arm under mine down stairs, hug, she leaves.
After she leaves I text her that I know what she was thinking when she asked the comfort question. She doesn�t respond.

Monday morning I lapse, I stupidly send her flowers and chocolates to her work. I thought maybe if there was a chance I could strike her heart and she would think its sweet that it would speed things up between us. She does not email, text, or call. She doesn�t answer my calls that evening. I email to tell her I just wanted to make her feel special and loved, that its what she deserves every day. No response. I did not call, text , or email since the flowers this past Monday. I read �A girl is like a shadow, the more you go to it the further it runs away. If you walk away from it, it chases you�, or something like that. Now its Friday. She�s going to Dallas for the weekend, Friday to Monday. She will be able to move there on July 16th. I have barely 2 weeks to mend things and develop further relations before were both in different cities (3.5 hours apart).

I'm actually in Dallas for the night b/c I was too tired to make it all the way to Houston in the rain today.

But I�m stuck on what to do. How long do I wait to contact her again? Tuesday or Wednesday next week? Never?

What should I do?

Many will say move on. Good advice. However, I do love this girl, and I do want to be with her, very much. I�m confident I do want to Marry her after a successful dating period. She knows this now.

I've had some male perspective on this with another forum. I'm extremely curious what a the women have to say about how I've acted, how she's acted, what I've screwed up on, and what I might be able to do to "win her back" although I feel thats a crude way of putting it. And someone please explain to me why she said she likes the chase, b/c I don't know how to do it apparently.

It was suggested I misinterperet her feelings. I would like to know more about her feelings and what it seems she's looking for. Is this something I could ask her without killing my chances?

I'm so lost, LOL!

[doppelgaenger]

I'm a man, and I know you want a females perspective on this, but guys check out the ask a female section sometimes and I thought I'd throw in my two cents, for what they're worth. The catch? I'm a little dry and straightforward. I don't sugarcoat nothin, so deal with that.

She's got you wrapped around her pinky finger. Tell you what, if you want this girl back, you'll have to grow a backbone, and a real strong one.
First of all, stop giving a shit about her current bf or whoever she's seeing. Forget about him, he doesn't exist to you. Ignore anything and everything she says about him, including how hurt he would be. Be seductive.
Don't send her emails or text messages. Call her sparingly, don't leave voicemails.
Oh and it was a really stupid move to show her all the pictures of the women you've been with and slept with since you were apart. That was really ****ing stupid.
And don't even mention marriage. Baaaaaaaaaad card to play. Don't promise nothing like that. She hasn't proven herself to you, why in the hell would you offer to make a commitment?
If she tries to establish this 'just friends' bullshit, don't agree to it. Pretend like you didn't hear what she said. If she tries to get you to assure her, say "yeah, sure" and make it sound extra sarcastic. Forget about it when you get her alone at your place. Touch her. If she reminds you of how you're 'just friends', tell her she can't ignore her feelings forever. Be polite and smile. If she tries to leave, don't stop her. Walk her to the car and be polite. Trust me, she'll think about it all the way home, and it will drive her crazy.

And the last thing is to not make it so obvious you want her. Like you said, when you run away from her, she chases you. But don't run, y'know? Throw the ball to her side of the court.

[jcording]

doppel, thanks for the input. Your one of the first people thats told me so pursue her, and offered some sort of strategy to do so. But the way you explain to do it Iwould need to be more firm, show her I'm confident in what I'm doing. This could potentially backfire though. If she still has a lot of hurt feelings she's liable to get upset and bail. But, it is what it is I suppose. I think at first I was too soft about it, being scared she might blow out, and totally reject the idea. But overall she has been somewhat open to it. I know when I do touch her, her heart does melt a little. I could really use some help on how to open a door just to be in front of her again. As long as I can stay strong myself, show no weakness, and be seductive, I think she will open up to me. I will only have the 6th to the 16th to live in the same city as her. Talking on the phone doesnt lead to much progress in the direction I want to go. But being in front of her, she seems to take my words into much more consideration.

How do you suppose I can invite her to hang out? She always gives me the line "I don't think its a good idea". I'm confident she still loves me, she's just afraid we'll fall back into old habits, which many people do in these situations.

I know a lot of people will read what I've just said and disagree. I've already been given a lot of advice that I need to develop a better understanding of what she, and women in general, want in a life partner. I also have been told there is much I need to develop in myself to become more self sufficeint, confident, stable, etc. I take it all to heart but as of right now, I'd like to open the door to this woman's heart again while I feel like I still have the chance to see her.

Any advice that would help me accomplish this would be greatly appreciated. The rest of the issues I need to work on will take time, but are not unimportant to me.

[donaldox]

these is so unromantic way to live six years wishout marriage maybe I am too oldfashioned weird is it for me I think
how did not she got pregnant all that time E. B. Dan | א. ב. דן - Her Gold Hair Video
gloom of the jealous public during our joint lives. Nor should we alter our determination
were it not for a circumstance which has recently arisen. We are for
reasons that, after perusing this manuscript, you may be able to guess,
going away again this time to Central Asia where, if anywhere upon this
earth, wisdom is to be found, and E. B. Dan | א. ב. דן - Her Gold Hair Video
gloom of the jealous we anticipate that our sojourn there
will be a long one. Possibly we shall not return. Under these altered
conditions it has become a question whether we are justified in withholding from the world an account of a phenomenon which we believe
to be of unparalleled interest, merely because our private life is
involved, or because we are afraid of ridicule and doubt being cast
upon our statements. I hold one view about this matter