Confused to the max

[NonPoint]

Ever get so confused you don't know what to do? Well, I am. Which would explain this this post and these questions to you all. So any advice would be more than greatly appriciated.

So that you can help here is a glimpse of my relationship with L. Sorry if it is too long but in order to give some advice you'd have to know where I am coming from. I met L through a friend and was instantly amazed. Beautiful girl - smart, funny. We were so much alike. We hit it off instantly and started dating a few days later. For a few months we had the perfect relationship. I spent almost everyday with her. I noticed early on that she drank alot but we had fun and it didn't bother me. Eventually things started to go downhill. What it was I don't know, a combination of things. I was getting annoyed that she drank (her drinking affected her school and job, btw) and began to distance myself.

Time went by. We still had our really great days together, when eveything was perfect and there was nowhere I would have rather been than with her. And then we had our bad nights. She would get drunk, I would either babysit and get annoyed or say something that pissed her off and we would fight. This was the routine. I asked her to slow down on the drinking but she never did. In fact it may have become worse. I grew more distant even to the point of being a pretty bad boyfriend. No affection from me. I ignored her, I got short and quiet. This went on for months.

Then one day I had had enough. Enough fights, enough B.S. I loved her so much it hurt to think about not being with her but I had to do something. I will spare as many details as possible as this is already long enough but the break up sucked. I had to stick with my decision, I couldn't see us going anywhere the way we were. She begged for me to comeback. I stopped answering the phone. I was mean, so mean that it made me sick to think about it.

To get over me or to make herself feel better she moved on. She met someone else. But I was still in the picture I guess. We talked once a week, then twice and soon it was everyday. I even saw her a few times a couple months after we broke up. Things were good those days, almost like they used to be. It was fun and I realized that I may never have this with another person, this comfort, those laughs. I missed her.

She sent me a letter that said that she was going to improve herself. She was going to try and get things straight in her life. She was going to get help (with her ADD, which she always claimed made her want to drink...). She said that I was the love of her life and that she hoped one day we could be back together again. She told me that she would wait for me ( I will be moving to NYC for 6ish months). Hmmmm. And so here I am, thinking every hour of every day, what do I do?

My questions to you all, based on the few paragraphs you know about us, is what can come of this? If I take her back, if she'll let me, will we get into that same funk? Will I get frustrated by our fights and her drinking and distance myself? Will I have to hurt her again?

Now she lives in Cincy, Ohio and I will be off in New York. I think about taking her back all the time now. But should I? I love her but maybe we aren't right. Maybe we are both in love with the idea of being in love and I am not seeeing the issues. Uck. See, the more I think about it the more confused I get. Can I make another commitment to her or should I find someone else. Someone who gives me that comfort an makes me laugh but doesn't drink so much. I don't know. And to add to things I don't know if she would even take me back now. The last time I saw her she got mad that I had a pic of some model on my phone. It turned into a bigger argument about other things and lately she has seemed distant. Ok, I am done for now...feed me with your wisdom.

[Amyejean]

You say she drinks alot. I know that feeling my boyfriend drikns alot also. As much as we fight about the drinking and the times that he says he will cut back or stop it never happens.
I have come to the relization that you can't chage a person, they have to change for themselves. You can push all you want but it might just push them over the edge or futher away to the point they will never want to change.
I have ADD, and I have never heard of ADD wanting to make someone drink...maybe bounce off the walls or get ancy but not drink....Drinking is a mental problem where you get dependant on it after a while if you let it take your life.
All I can say is that if she is getting her life strightened out than try again, and if things result back tot the same old way than leave again and DONT turn back. DOn't answer the phone or reply to letters...
Wish you luck

Amye

[NonPoint]

Thanks for the advice Amyejean. This is why I posted. This is VERY helpful to me. To know that other people have similar issues. Because for a while there I thought I was going insane, the only one that knew how messed up our relationship was.

The worst part of it was that she knew, at least I hope, that her actions, her drinking, were causing the major part of our problems. I knew I couldn't change her, nor would I ever want to but there came point when it had to stop. She unfortunately chose drinking over me. But at the same time she begged me to come back, was destroyed that I left . I want to help her, I want to be there for her especially when she tries to improve herself but it wasn't hapening then, maybe because I was adding to the problem, whatever.

Right now I would get back together with her. If only to say that I gave it one last run and if it didn't work out then I would always know that I tried very hard. I know we could work out the other issues we had.

More to come. I am really liking this site, very helpful.