In love with an ex still, tell her or forget her?

[Paddy]

Ok this is a slightly odd one, I have an ex gf from years ago, we dated from 1999-2002, were pretty serious, I proposed to her and we were saving to move in together. Unfortunately I was only 22 at the time and felt too young for so much commitment, and I got cold feet and we ended up breaking up, something I've regretted for the last 8 years.

I did ask her back a year later because I missed her so much, she (rightly) said no and had a new partner by then.

Now, its been 8 years, but we've stayed friends and in touch over the years, I'll be honest, I was still thinking about her every single day until about 2005, I've had a few girlfriends since, but I've never felt the way I do about her with any of them.

We've had times where we've both been in relationships, and contact has been kinda mininal. Recently though, she got out of a bad relationship last November, from a guy she lived with who started to be abusive to her, she wisely got up the courage to move out and break up with him.

I've also been single for around 2 years now, so recently we've had an opportunity to get to know each other again, but I've realised I'm still massively in love with her I just know how stupid it sounds after so long.

Her parents still think I was the golden boy, and her dad even said to her recently that she should try again with me, she told me this and she kinda laughed it off, so I went along laughing too. She still talks with a lot of fondness about our time together, and even said recently that she wished we'd got together when we were older as we'd have probably lasted forever.

I don't live in the same city as her at the moment, but I've actually been applying for jobs there so I can move near her again, obv I haven't told her that she is the reason, just that I "missed living in the city".

The kicker came last week, we were chatting on the phone and she told me she was going out on a date with a guy she'd met a few days before, a slick business man, with a BMW and his own place. They had a second date last week, where she got annoyed with him because he spent all night just trying to have sex with her, then ignored her after that, she contacted him and they're going out again this week, she said mainly because she's a bit lonely and she said "well I guess he is a man, I probably can't be too angry for that"...

It kinda made me realise that I seem to have fallen into the "gay best friend" category, something I do NOT want, I felt like something inside me had died all day after that conversation, and made me realise I don't think I can ever just be friends with her.

I've been keeping my distance over the last few weeks since I found out she was dating, and she's noticed, she keeps calling me and texting me asking if I'm avoiding her, I just keep using the excuse that I'm too busy at work, she said we need to catch up soon and she feels sad not talking to me after we'd become close again recently.

So my question is, what do I do? Do I blurt out that 8 years after we've split up I'm still head over heels in love with her, and risk making everything awkward and making her uncomfortable, or do I just back off and live my life as I have been for the last 8 years. If I'm not in constant contact with her, I can deal with it, but recently I've been having dreams about me and her again, I know I'll always love her.

What to do... I'm gonna have to do something soon though, I'm running out of excuses not to answer her calls.

[cherriesontop]

OMG!! this is tooo cute!!
ok ok ok... ermm.... it sounds like there could be hope there.. but u dont wanna b blurting all ur loving feelings to her rite away.
hows about just easing in gently and just asking her out on a date one weekend when ur both free to catch up? she maybe dating but shes only been out with this guy a couple of times so its not exclusive.
how does that sound as a first step? if she excepts, go see her, take her out, see where it leads... not like nething too deep just feel out if she is just matey with you or whether the spark is still there?

i went out with a guy wen i was 16 for 2 years. it was very intense. i was very happy with him but coz of my age i broke it off.
i am now 24. i stil think about him. we still talk online. he still says he has feelings for me. i am now in a long term relationship with someone else and i am very happy in but in times when we hav both been single, i would have jumped at the chance of being with him if he just made the effort to woo me instead of just staying that he really liked me and then did nothing about it.

so do i a little bit of descreet woo-ing and see where it takes u!! good luck!!!

[Paddy]

Thanks for the reply cherriesontop, well I live a few hundred miles away at moment, but I have been to stay with her a couple of times over the last few months, and we've been out for drinks/dinner, obv I've stayed in a seperate room, but I've not made any moves as it were, I'd just figured it would be too bad if she was offended/rejected me and I'm stuck staying at hers for the night. See I think I'm just in the friends zone these days, and that's a hard/impossible place to get out of I suppose.

[cherriesontop]

Yeh that is a tricky one.
You need to take it to the next move to find out if she likes you but you are too scared to be rejected.

She obviously thinks a lot of you and if she didnt want nemore, it sounds like ur friendship is close enough to work through that.

You have loved her for this long, do you really wanna waste this oppertunity whilst she is not in a serious relationship with someone? How would you feel in a few years time if you had not gone for it and she was with someone else?

[Mathias]

Why are the options "ignore my feelings" or "tell her everything I feel and how I'm desperately in love with her"?

Call her, say you're interested in finding out where this can go, and ask her on a real date in the same sentence (whenever you're in town next).

Please don't go overboard in either direction.

[Kayla]

I'm thinking you just bring it up and and ask her.. its better to know for sure then wonder "what if" for another eight years. If she is as good of a friend as you say she is, your friendship will survive even if she is not interested in dating you.