I'm feeling more like her father than her BF

[Boy]

We're together for over a month (we're both in our early twenties).
We really enjoy the company of each other when we're hanging out, and really its been going well so far.

The problem is that I become so exhausted from some things.

Every time the weekend arrives, she asks me whether I thought about something for us to do, she rarely makes the arrangements herself.

Everywhere we go out, I pay for everything.

Moreover, the fact that she doesn't study nor work makes me feel like she's really a child I'm taking care of.

I don't know what to do about it.

[Lipp]

For one, have you told her this yet?

[Boy]

For one, have you told her this yet?

Hey,
I haven't told her that as I'm not feeling comfortable with telling people bad thoughts about them (it's not just with her, it's with everyone).

However, I just didn't make any arrangements so far, and when she asked me today whether she'd see me tonight, I told her that she can arrange a date of us and her other friends as it wouldn't be nice to be alone with me today.

About the money, it really bothers me that I don't tell her that as it hurts my pocket.
So far I'm just trying not to spend too much when we're out, and not going to expensive places.

[xxazurexx]

So what is the appeal of an immature female who doesn't appear to have a thought in her head and who obviously has no life ambitions, hence no study or work.

She won't know there is a problem and unless you TALK to HER.

[Boy]

I'm with her because she's everything I was looking for in a girl.

She's so nice, and has such a good heart.

It doesn't really bother me that she neither works nor studies, it just that it adds up to her dependency on me - me paying for her and me arranging our dates.

[IncognitoSir]

So where does she live? Are you just taking care of her? If this is the case, you need to stop immediately. Do you really want to be with someone who brings nothing to the table but her good looks, and good heart? You're setting yourself up for disaster here. Man up and talk to her about this. I'm sure she wont like it at all and she might even leave you for someone else who is willing to take care of her but atleast you'll have your truth.

[QueenofCorona]

If you want it to work you need to talk to her. Its not an easy coversation and you don't have to do it in a way that will make her feel bad but maybe drop hints like, "Sorry, we can't go out to eat/see that movie this weekend because I just paid a bunch of bills and am short on cash. Tomorrow you should look around in the papers and see if there is something fun going on that is free/cheap (festivals, fairs, art in the park, whatever). You pick and then let me know." Put in her mind that your money doesn't grow on trees and give her a task since she's not doing anything else all day.

Sidenote-I'd feel like a complete loser if I were her. Does she have well off parents or something? How can you not work or go to school? Not to mention never offering to pay, man. I couldn't live with myself.

[girl68]

You said it bothers you then we say talk about it then you say it doesn't bug me.

IT CLEARLY DOES.

Talk to her- you will never maintain a realtionship by holding in all negativities... never. However you do have to choose battles wisely. You will only continue to resent her.

[alovehangoverr]

I'm with her because she's everything I was looking for in a girl.

She's so nice, and has such a good heart.

It doesn't really bother me that she neither works nor studies, it just that it adds up to her dependency on me - me paying for her and me arranging our dates.

She's everything you're looking for in a girl?

I don't understand that. You were looking for someone who has no ambition (doesn't study), no want to be independent and support herself (doesn't work) and who will likely never be able to make a decision or plans for herself?

Honestly, I realize she's probably a great person.. but you've only been together a month and you're "exhausted" by some pretty serious compatibility issues.

If you're determined to stick with this, then stop acting like her father. Stop making plans. Stop paying for things.

But realistically? If it's only been a month & this is the behavior you're seeing? It's likely not going to change. It sounds like she's the type of girl who is used to not doing any work and getting taken care of. To add to that.. even if she did start making plans, if any of them involve money, you're going to have to be the one to pay.. what with her not having a job & all. So.. I'm not sure you plan on getting around that.

[lottygirler]

We're together for over a month (we're both in our early twenties).
We really enjoy the company of each other when we're hanging out, and really its been going well so far.

The problem is that I become so exhausted from some things.

Every time the weekend arrives, she asks me whether I thought about something for us to do, she rarely makes the arrangements herself.

Everywhere we go out, I pay for everything.

Moreover, the fact that she doesn't study nor work makes me feel like she's really a child I'm taking care of.

I don't know what to do about it.

I'm many years younger than my hubby and he thinks its cool if i don't work cos he likes to be the only one working, so let her know its ok if she works. Lately my hubbys said its ok if i work so im going for job interniews now! Try this with your gf too!

[xxazurexx]

She's everything you're looking for in a girl?

I don't understand that. You were looking for someone who has no ambition (doesn't study), no want to be independent and support herself (doesn't work) and who will likely never be able to make a decision or plans for herself?

Yeah, the mind sure frigging boggles doesn't it.

Good Luck anyway OP...think you are gonna need it.

[Boy]

Hi mates.

Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for your serious comments.
I read everyone's comments and would like to reply.

What am I seeing in her?
- She has a good heart and she's humble.
- She isn't the kind of person that likes going out until early morning – neither am I.
- She's more of a night person and doesn't like hanging out under the burning sun (like going to the beach or just travelling under the sun when it's hot) - like me.
- She's just my taste – physically.

You know how hard it is to find so many traits that you admire in a person?

So just because she's a dependent person (which is expressed in her not offering to pay or her usually not initiating dates) I should end it?

About the payments, I hope that it'll change in the future once I'll talk to her about it.

By the way, last night (after not going out as I didn't initiate anything), she asked me whether I'd like to go tomorrow (tonight) to learn how to dance Salsa, and she picked the place herself (however I paid for both of us).
So we went out there tonight and had a good time.

I really desire to hear your honest thoughts.
Thank you all fellows.

[SirWagginston]

That's even worse. Before you had all the responsibility, but you at least had the right to make decisions. Now she is deciding where you go out, and you're still responsible for paying for it.

[xxazurexx]

You've heard peoples honest thoughts.

If she had a good heart, she wouldn't be money grabbing from you and expecting you to pay for every little thing. She must get government support if she doesn't work. Why didn't she go halfs on the salsa dancing?

If you like her and you have things in common such as her going out early morning, both being night people, you are attracted to her appearance, (excellent reasons to stay with someone, lol), then remain with her.

Just be prepared for the fact that you will become her 'meal ticket' and a lifelong one....

[xxazurexx]

Stop spending money on her.....then see what happens.