The monster that I am

[Desire4Wings]

Hello users of this forum, I came here to seek your advice. I've recently turned 18 and I'm what people sometimes call a 'monster', or simply put, ugly.To be more exact I'm rather thin, 173cm (5 ft 8 in) and half Belgian - half Filipino.

I have never actually done anything like holding hands, kissing, etc... I have just never experienced love. Most people take love for granted, but for me... It's like a dream that's far away. I'm imprisoning myself in my own room because whenever go outside, I always get stared down like I'm a monster.

My heart has a big hole in it, it's the place that's supposed to be filled with love. My heart yearns for love, but how can I possibly feel what love is like if everyone runs away from me. I can't help it, I was born this way. I've made some pretty cool friends in high school and I'm pretty confident that I'll meet some nice people in college next year. So i'm not that lonely because I can get along with guys. Next tuesday I'll go to a friends BBQ to celebrate his 18th birthday and like always when I go outside, I'll see couples who are very happy to have each other. Seeing them acts like poison to my heart, it makes the hole in my heart even bigger.

My only motivation at the moment is my education so that i'll get a nice job later on. But getting a nice job isn't enough motivation sometimes. I hope that in the future, adults will look beyond my outer shell and that I will get the chanse to find my angel. For now, as an adolescent, I'm just trapped in my room everyday.

I could really use some advice in this stage of my life. My heart feels so bad, I get the feeling that my heart will be one big dark hole in the future. How can I possibly fill my desire for love? Be honest with me

[the_robot]

The most hypocrite piece of advice I can give you is "Get out".

If you stay in your room doing nothing to get what you want you'll stay like that forever, you have to get out and hopefully, you'll eventually meet some girl who doesn't think you ugly. It seems that with girls it doesn't matter how handsome you are, but how confident you are...

[Gigabitch]

Belgian/ Filipino doesn't sound so bad to me. Are you sure you're actually ugly?

[girl68]

Even ugly people have good chances at finding love. It's the ugly on the inside that will really kill ya (long term wise).

And halfers are generally pretty decent looking... so I don't believe you're as ugly as you think you are.

[Bell]

I know how you feel,it's something no one should experience...people judge from 1st impression,most of them dont care about the personality,just continue to be yourself and things will work out because i as i say "there is at least 1 idiot in this world who will fall for me for what i am"...Just dont give up,i see you are a nice guy,you arent a monster,there are many nice girls,one of them is the one meant for you =)

You know i noticed people call monsters people with hearts,so you shouldnt listen to them...they are the real monsters...maybe the one you are searching for is another "monster"

sorry if i cant help :/

[Kayla]

It seems that with girls it doesn't matter how handsome you are, but how confident you are...[/QUOTE]


This is absolutely true!! I am a girl and can say for a fact that looks are NOT the major deciding factor on if we like someone or not. Attitude and personality (confidence, kindness, and sincerity) go a long way when it comes to who we choose to date. I know of a few guys who on the surface look really good but I would NEVER date because of certain personality traits. On the other hand, I have met people who have gotten cuter to me as I have gotten to know them. I myself have chosen the so-called less attractive guy over the so-called more attractive guy in the past because of the way he treated me (I say so-called because attractiveness according to us girls, attractiveness has many levels and is way deeper what we see on the surface). I know that you are a young guy and this is hard for you to understand because young guys are very visual- esp when it comes to dating and girls. However, I am here to tell you that this changes with age and maturity.

Anyway, chances are you arent as "ugly" and are not the "monster" you think you are. We usually are our own worse critic.... I also went through a time in my life (late teen years) where I thought I was ugly and no one would want me.. I look back on photos now and realize I really wasnt and have no idea why I thought I was!! I thought I was fat (and wasnt), thought I the ugliest face (and didnt), etc.. anyway, you get the point. I know from personal experience and observation, that many people mature and come into their own confidence as they go through college and their twenties (I am 33 and am a school teacher of teenagers so I know what I am talking about!!).

Also- (can anyone else relate to this??)- I have seen some people from my high school that were considered "ugly" or "nerds" turn into super hot, super successful adults.. no lie!!

I would advise you to get out and ENJOY your college years.. join social clubs, get involved with sports, make good friends (college friends last a lifetime), do your best academically, and STOP trying to find your identity and purpose in having a girlfriend.. focus on YOU and chances are, soon enough, you will find the confidence you need!

Praying for you, my friend!

[Bell]

o.0 i prefer shyer guys,you can never know what hides under the shell.So not all girls prefer those confident types.As for the looks,as long as the character is good the appearance will be accepted as well,good luck

[Desire4Wings]

Thanks for your responses. I know I should go out more and be more confident, but for me, it's harder then normal. Whenever I go out, I know some guy/girl is mocking me behind my back when they see me. It's hard for me to be confident because people always look down on me when they see me for the first time.

Oh and I know I fall under the 'ugly' category because that word has been smacked into my face countless times. But maybe I should take that word less seriously...

Anyways, I'll keep pushing myself to go out more, but I also fear the times where I will return home being more depressed then ever before.

[Kayla]

Are you sure you aren't suffering from clinical depression that can be treated with meds?

[girl68]

Thanks for your responses. I know I should go out more and be more confident, but for me, it's harder then normal. Whenever I go out, I know some guy/girl is mocking me behind my back when they see me. It's hard for me to be confident because people always look down on me when they see me for the first time.

Oh and I know I fall under the 'ugly' category because that word has been smacked into my face countless times. But maybe I should take that word less seriously...

Anyways, I'll keep pushing myself to go out more, but I also fear the times where I will return home being more depressed then ever before.

No these people are bullies. Normal folks doin't go around telling people their ugly just because. They dislike you for some reason and are using the insulting tactic to make it personal. I suggest you start hanging around with decent people.

I mean really are you just standing in the cafeteria and people just say "wow, he's so ugly"? I doubt it, and if they are it's solely becasue they are bullies. Or you could try standing up for yourself? I dunno... something like "I may be damn ugly but I'm not a total bitch." Smiling when saying this is like "ohhh snap..." Dunno only you can tell if something like that would make you feel better for standing up for yourself or worse about your situation.

Tell me now, what do you actaully look like are you a total nerd, glasses? super skinny? bad style? all those things can be changed for the better.

[matty007]

Have you ever heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Years ago I had a friend who felt the same as you did only her reason was because of her weight. Yes she was and still is a very large girl. What got her over the hump of thinking everyone would laugh or talk badly about her was learning that people viewed her as she viewed herself. She had to learn to love herself and become comfortable and confident in her own skin before she could expect others to appreciate who she truly was. There is that special someone for everyone. People should be drawn to you for your true self not for shallow reasons like what you look like, what clothes you wear, what car you drive or how much money you make. I bet you this, when you stop worrying so much about what others might be saying about you and exist with the belief that you are the best you that you can be, that’s how others will begin to see you, and you will probably attract someone who sees it more than others and want to be around it all the time and that will hopefully be the beginning of a beautiful friendship or relationship because that person will want you for you and nothing else. The older you get you will truly value the essence of any person who wouldn’t want to change a thing about you.

[Gigabitch]

I don't buy it. I demand pics. You don't have to post them out in the open if you're not comfortable with that. You can send them to me as a private message after you have 15 posts and I promise not to share them with anyone.

[Desire4Wings]

Alright I'll try to get a hold of a picture that I'll send to you, it's just hard to get one at the moment because I always avoid cameras.

And @Girl68,

It's not like they do it with the intention that I hear it, but I'm the one who is actually focusing on what's going around me. I hear groups of people whispering something like "What a head!" a few seconds after I walked by. I'm sure they don't want to bully me, but I always ignore these events.

[girl68]

You must!

If I got upset every time some dumbfuknut of an idiot made a under his breath comment about my big boobs I'd drive myself mad. Instead I must brush it off and "not sweat the small stuff". (Note: you might insist that's a compliment but in no shape or form do I consider compliments about my boobs a "nice" thing to say so the idea of being insulted feels totally the same as you and your big head)

as Giga said I would also like to see pics, and again I too shall promise to look and never share.

[Desire4Wings]

You must!

If I got upset every time some dumbfuknut of an idiot made a under his breath comment about my big boobs I'd drive myself mad. Instead I must brush it off and "not sweat the small stuff". (Note: you might insist that's a compliment but in no shape or form do I consider compliments about my boobs a "nice" thing to say so the idea of being insulted feels totally the same as you and your big head)

as Giga said I would also like to see pics, and again I too shall promise to look and never share.

I've sent a picture to Gigabitch, but I'm not able to send you any PMs because my post count is lower then 15. You can ask Giga for that picture, I'm ok with it. It's a pretty low quality picture and to be honest I look away different in real life...