(I will apologize in advance, this story is a bit detailed) I have been carrying a torch for this man almost since the day I met him. He was the perfect example of a wonderful human being. Thoughtful, kind, humble, and smart as hell. Even through a considerable age gap we were instant friends. As things progressed and we began spending more time together, outside of work, we came to realize there was an intense mutual attraction. This revelation took us down the obvious path. Both of us having been hurt by the past, and now jaded, we never confronted the major relationship questions "what are we?" "where is this going?". We kept ourselves under wraps and blindly continued on or merry way. Never claiming exclusivity or even going so far as to give titles "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". I assumed I was just tiding him over until a more appropriate woman came along, so I never pressed the issues. Resolving to enjoy it while I could. After a year or so of us trysting in this fashion (and never having any problems . . .that I saw) it was a bit of a shock when he called and told me we couldn't see each other anymore. Not even as friends. I figured the time had come. I was sad, but didn't pry for too much further information. It turned out that he couldn't handle the uncertainty of . . .well, ME. I had gotten a new job, and had to bail on a few of our dates. He later explained that, in his mind, we had come to a crossroads: Either we could take this seriously or go our separate ways (we had tried going back to the friends, sans benefits, thing and failed miserably). Since I never pressed him on the matter he assumed I just wasn't going to take it seriously and decided separate ways was the only option for him. He "couldn't deal with me being so hot and cold". I admit, I was young and stupid. He has never been far from my thoughts and I kick myself daily for letting him go without more of a fight. To this day they are still some of the best memories I have.
5 years later we have both done a bit of maturing and come back into each other's lives, through the miracle of social networking, lol. Things are just as marvelous as they used to be. We watch movies, hang out, cook together, and talk all night. We have never brought up our sordid past. It seems to be getting increasingly more difficult, on my part, to keep things platonic. He has hinted at the same. Neither of us has really even dated since each other. I know, now, that I would rather die as his best friend than not have him in my life at all.
Where to go from here?