advice please?

[soren]

Hey Girls!

need some advice......this has probably been asked alot but would appreciate your input.

me and my girlfriend, who is the same age as me, 29. have been seeing each other for 8 months.
she stays near me and we see each other about 3/4 times a week and regulary text each other, we speak on the phone sometimes although its mainly me that has to make the call.

basically about 3 months ago i told her my feelings towards her...that i felt i was falling in love with her (she never said it back)......i know that some may say that to say that maybe a bit soon but it never seemed to scare her off as we're still together and she's introduced me to her friends and family.

but this what confuses me.....i seem to be the one who has to initiate contact, i feel that she's not interested and i really dont know how she feels about me whether she likes me or even has strong feelings towards me but dont know how to approach this with her . what do i say? i have asked if everything is ok between me and her and she has said yes but i cant help feeling that she is somewhat distant towards me and she is only with me for the company untilll someone else comes along?

totally confused and could do with a girls input.

[doppelgaenger]

You need to man-up and just do this stuff, dude. Instead of asking her, next time she's bathing, walk in on her, drop your trousers and hop in with her.

[Ginger Snap]

Before you assume the worst-case scenarios for her apparent emotional distance, let's think about some other possibilities. I've recently come to fully understand that in relationships, you may not always be matched with a partner who has the same emotional needs. Oftentimes, it's one partner who is getting his or her needs met (eg: level of intimacy, level of communication, etc.) while the other partner is left with a bit more room (or a LOT of room) for those same needs to be met. And, it can often be perceived as neediness when the latter partner is asking for more of this or more of that. (I can't stand the word "needy"... I think it's usually just a matter of perception.)

For all we know, your girl could be perfectly content in how things are and doesn't feel the need to make any changes. If you're the type of person who really thrives on emotional closeness and intense connection in a relationship (present company included!) and you're dating a person who doesn't need all of that as much, then you're left with two obvious choices: (1) Learn to deal with that disparity, or (2) Find a partner who is a closer match as far as "needs and expectations" in a relationship.

I think you should give that first option a huge effort because it sounds like you're otherwise very happy with her. I do have to say that your level of contact throughout the weeks seems like it's at a healthy level. And, the fact that you've been introduced to family and friends is a very strong indicator of her commitment to you.

Finally, let me put this out there: as a female, I love being pursued by my man. Whether it's the first text/phone call of the day or something else, it just makes me feel more feminine AND like I'm worth the continued effort on his part. This isn't the same as a mind game, though. Effort should be occurring on both parts; but if it seems like it's disproportionately on your end, don't jump to the conclusion that it's because she's not interested or even AS interested as you are.

Be patient and let her develop stronger feelings in her own time. Just make sure that there are other things that your girlfriend IS doing to show her interest in and care for you. She may just be showing it in a way that fits her personality. If you're not familiar with the concept of "love languages", I highly recommend that you do a Google search about them. Very enlightening!

[soren]

thanks ginger snap
nice words

[xxazurexx]

^You'd be wise to take notice of gingersnaps post.