Stringing along with no real reason

[sjh]

I dated a guy 4 years ago briefly before we decided to end it as he had to move 3 states away for work. I felt very strongly for him the moment I met him and (as corny and believe me, as unlike me as it sounds) I felt like the days were brighter and the weather was warmer just by knowing him.

We have kept in contact over the years with facebook, skype and phone calls (to be honest, he is mainly the one who contacts me). We have also seen each other on several occasions where we have gallivanted off camping or hiking or into rainforests for a few days at a time. Each time was more and more romantic with each of us discovering more about each other both physically and mentally as we went.

I haven't seen him in over a year now and I have dated (and broken up with) someone in that time.
In this time as well, I have now moved and am only 1 state away from him. He wants to catch up again and I am not sure on where I sit with him - I don't know if he considers me a great friend, a sex buddy, someone who could be something closer or just someone to keep him company as he sleeps (he lives in a very rural area).

He is a very sheltered person when it comes to verbalizing his emotions and though I was the same when we met, I have now changed slightly and am more eager to talk about things. Because he is so sheltered with his feelings, I don't know what he thinks of me anymore and I don't know how to approach asking him.

I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how I could approach this with him without him freaking out or feeling uncomfortable?

Sorry for such a long explanation!

I really appreciate your opinions

S

[xxazurexx]

Instead of wondering whether he likes you as a friend, a f**k buddy (you DONT have to offer up sex), as this, that and the other, if you liked and enjoyed his company, just go along, spend time with him and enjoy yourself.

Why the heck do women always seem to be curious about how men feel about them and why always are they looking for more? If he's asked to meet up, obviously he likes spending time with you.

Why do you need it to be more, than it is?? It's a year since you saw him. He likely doesn't even know how he is feeling himself in regard to you, let alone be prying for info from him as to what he's thinking/feeling.

Slooooow down woman. Take it as it comes....if it comes.

[sjh]

I agree with you in part azure, thanks for your thoughts.

I don't feel the need to offer him sex for the sake of feeling like that's what he wants. I don't think I mentioned properly though that when we are meeting up, we are going away for about 3 days together so the idea of just spending some time together and enjoying myself is of course going to happen.

The difficulty comes into play when we go to bed and there is the somewhat expected (as it has happened every other time) fooling around and sex. I don't want to do that anymore as I would rather have something more than just sex or something that is just friends. (I'm not one to have sex with someone without stronger feelings) I don't mind either way but I think that it is fair for him to know how I feel about him and fair for me to know how he feels about me.

It's not that it needs to be more than it is like you suggest, it just needs to be defined.

I think you're right, that I should just take it as it comes and see what happens when we meet up. I would like to know though, how he had felt about me previously and what he is thinking now as I believe you're right, he probably doesn't know entirely anymore but I would like to see what his thoughts are about what it is that we do.

My main query was, with a personality like his, if there was anyone out there who is similar, what would be the best way to approach someone like that about this sort of situation without overwhelming them. I don't know if the opportunity would come up when we see each other but I'd like opinions and thoughts from third parties anyway.

Women are over-thinkers, it's very very annoying but try as I may and as logical as I think I can be, I can't help but look into things so much and I don't see any harm in knowing what he thinks of me. Just like everyone does with their friends and family, we all tell each other what we mean to each other whether we don't like them that day or we love what they have done for us another day.

S

[amoamo1980]

Women aren't over thinkers. Scared people are over thinkers. When you are worried about a situation you think of every possible out come and usual focus on the negative ones, or maybe the ones that are easy to deal with and pretend (or hope) that that is where your problem lies.

Just go with the flow and if he expects sex when the opportuninity comes, just tell him straight. If he gets stroppy about not having sex then he isn't worth your time.

[xxazurexx]

I agree with you in part azure, thanks for your thoughts.

I don't feel the need to offer him sex for the sake of feeling like that's what he wants. I don't think I mentioned properly though that when we are meeting up, we are going away for about 3 days together so the idea of just spending some time together and enjoying myself is of course going to happen.

The difficulty comes into play when we go to bed and there is the somewhat expected (as it has happened every other time) fooling around and sex. I don't want to do that anymore as I would rather have something more than just sex or something that is just friends. (I'm not one to have sex with someone without stronger feelings) I don't mind either way but I think that it is fair for him to know how I feel about him and fair for me to know how he feels about me.

It's not that it needs to be more than it is like you suggest, it just needs to be defined.

I think you're right, that I should just take it as it comes and see what happens when we meet up. I would like to know though, how he had felt about me previously and what he is thinking now as I believe you're right, he probably doesn't know entirely anymore but I would like to see what his thoughts are about what it is that we do.

My main query was, with a personality like his, if there was anyone out there who is similar, what would be the best way to approach someone like that about this sort of situation without overwhelming them. I don't know if the opportunity would come up when we see each other but I'd like opinions and thoughts from third parties anyway.

Women are over-thinkers, it's very very annoying but try as I may and as logical as I think I can be, I can't help but look into things so much and I don't see any harm in knowing what he thinks of me. Just like everyone does with their friends and family, we all tell each other what we mean to each other whether we don't like them that day or we love what they have done for us another day.

S

I wasn't saying that you do offer up sex and because you feel that is what he wants. What I was saying is, is that if you feel he is after sex, then you don't have to give him sex. Women so often complain about the f**k buddy status. But you only become the f**k buddy and if you allow yourself to become her. If a guy doesn't want to know you and after you refuse, then he isn't worth a light and has no interest in you other than sex. Good - that weeds out a LOSER just looking for sex and he's no loss to you.

If a guy is into you, he usually takes no 'second guessing' and he will let you know he'd like more. More often than not and if a guy is looking you as 'relationship material' he will be the one to bring up the talks - he can't wait to bring up that talk and go exclusive. Some women seem to work at a much faster pace than men. They want things to happen and they want them to happen NOW. More often than not and before the guy even knows how he's feeling about her himself. When you push for talks and before he's ready, he will disappear/back off. In the same way a woman would back off and if a guy she is unsure of will come on strong. As soon as you ask him how he's feeling, he will know immediately that you want more...men aren't daft.

It's up to you at the end of the day and what you decide to do, I just feel you will be making a mistake and in deciding to push for talk of feelings and from a guy you havn't seen in a whole year.
You'd be wiser to go just go along, relax and have a fun time and get to know the guy again. If things are going to happen, they will happen naturally and without things having to be forced.