I feel like I don't know myself anymore?

[what_now]

I recently a break up that took a long time to finalize. We were going back and forth between trying to make it work, breaking up, talking, not talking, etc. I don't regret any of it, as I genuinely feel like we tried to make the best of our situation and ultimately the break up was amicable. I'm starting to accept the situation and emotionally I'm much more stable now. I know this is the right thing to do right now. But I feel a sense of confusion in my identity and beliefs. I've always felt like I knew myself pretty well and had a good grasp on my beliefs, but I do feel very shaken up. Here are a couple of things running through my head, maybe some of you can give me insight.

1) First off, the basis of the break up was that we're young and needed to get to know ourselves better. She feels like she's never really been single and needs to experience that. I feel like I'm learning so much about myself that being in that relationship isn't the right thing to do. Until both of us can reconcile with our own baggage, being together now would only be a temporary solution. Just speaking in terms of my own mentality, I see our situation as right person but wrong time. I think that had we been a few years older(we're both 21 right now), we'd have a very good chance of working out in the long term. I am doing what I can to move on and live my own life, but my gut tells me that we could try again later down the line. Is it bad or unhealthy to think like that? I feel as if the reason why I'm so accepting of the break up is because I think there's a chance later on. Yet, there are times when think we're over forever and can't see how we'd ever get back into a relationship again. The only thing I know for sure is we shouldn't be together right now. But in terms of the future and everything else, I'm still very confused even on a logical level.

2) Like I said earlier, I feel like the foundation of my beliefs have been shaken. There are so many questions running through my mind that I feel so unsure of myself. I'm starting to question my career choice, my belief on friends, family, myself, what i value, etc. Is that normal? I always felt like I was a very mature person, and having gone through a rough childhood, I knew myself pretty well. But since the breakup, I've been asking myself a lot of questions without getting any answers. I try asking my friends and family for insight (not just on my breakup, but about life in general), and I understand what they're saying, but I don't know what I believe. It's almost as if I'm a teenager again trying to re-find myself. I feel as I just took a huge step back in growing up and maturing.

3) I don't know what motivates me anymore? Not to say that I feel hopeless about my life or that it's not going anywhere, I just don't have the same sense of motivation as before? I'm doing well in terms of my career, I know I have great friends, and just a lot of things to be thankful for. But I feel like all of these "blessings" I have in my life, they don't mean as much now that I'm out of a relationship. I guess in some ways, I believed that being in a good relationship enhanced everything else, so now that I'm single everything has been "downgraded." Is this feeling normal? I don't if I'm feeling this way specifically because of this girl, or this is typical of all relationships once they end.

I know looking at the grand scheme of things, I'm still really young and I really shouldn't be in such a hurry to answer all these questions. But I can't help think that I should know myself better by now. I've been in other relationships before, but I've never been so shaken up before.

[Twoface]

Only thing i can say is give it time and be confident that you made the right decision.

[Raze]

You sound pretty healthy to me. Usually, when I break up with a girl friend, I'm a total mess for a while and it usually takes me a while to get over it. I recently got cheated on and the break up was mutual. It took me about 3 months to totally get over it. I was a total mess. I was still pursuing my BA and was in my last semester. Luckily, my grades didn't suffer and I was able to get my BA.

I spent a lot of time with friends and got counselled by them. We watched a lot of romantic comedies together. Friends mean everything. That's why you need to keep your love life out of your social life with your friends. By this I mean, make sure your girl friend isn't good friends with people in your social circle so that way when things go awry, you can always chill with the guys.

[what_now]

You sound pretty healthy to me. Usually, when I break up with a girl friend, I'm a total mess for a while and it usually takes me a while to get over it. I recently got cheated on and the break up was mutual. It took me about 3 months to totally get over it. I was a total mess. I was still pursuing my BA and was in my last semester. Luckily, my grades didn't suffer and I was able to get my BA.

I spent a lot of time with friends and got counselled by them. We watched a lot of romantic comedies together. Friends mean everything. That's why you need to keep your love life out of your social life with your friends. By this I mean, make sure your girl friend isn't good friends with people in your social circle so that way when things go awry, you can always chill with the guys.

Thanks, I'm really glad to hear that I sound pretty healthy. I'm definitely trying hard to keep my emotions in check and keep my head up, so it's nice to hear. She's not really friends with any my friends and she's working in a completely different city, so the distance should help me move on. Actually a big reason why I'm so "okay" is because we have been long distance for a few months now, and would have been long distance for at least two more years. That's been huge in my acceptance of the break up.

[RdHrshyKss]

yeah, sounds like you have your head on straight. it will take awhile to be able to move on, but it sounds like it was the right choice. i would say just try your best to move on, limiting (if not all) contact. go on living your life without her. date other people. if you end up thinking about her every now and then, try to be positive and just look at it as a relationship that you learned from. your experience with her has made you that much more knowledgeable about what it's like to be in a relationship and what it takes. the distance is a definite plus. it is a great way for you to be able to move on easier. go on with your life, experiencing new things and striving to do well in school and in a career. concentrate on yourself and learning what it is that you want/need in life. who knows, maybe eventually you guys will cross paths and the time will be right, but the only way that could ever happen (and last) is if you go on with your life without expecting that or anticipating it. i try to believe that if it's meant to be, it will be...but make sure that things are happening naturally and not because you are trying to force them to happen...that is where you get into trouble.