Girlfriend broke up with me really unexpectedly! Really confused.

[Paul19]

Hey Everyone

We were together on the weekend then on tuesday my girlfriend broke up with me, she said that she needs some space to sort some things in her life out, we didnt have a big fight, i just said thats ok, i tried to be mature about it, she wanted to call it a break, She also said that after she gets it sorted we can start over.

The reason I'm confused is because 10 days before she broke up with me she went to a party got drunk and slept with another dude, straight after it happen she told me about it, when she did tell me we were with her family at her sisters house for lunch, in that situation i couldnt really get angry, i also didnt have my car so was pretty well stuck there until we left. When this happened we had only been together for 8 weeks, cheating is still cheating, but i gave her a second chance. she did tell me it was a mistake and she regrets it, i know its wrong to assume but im pretty sure that has nothing to do with her leaving me.

Another reason im confused is that after all that i did nothing bad to her (i was by no means the perfect boyfriend but i did try my hardest) i was good, buy things for her (within reason), take her places take her shopping, she lives 2 hours away from me, in the past before she met me, she would of normally just caught the train, but i would drive her home or pick her up, she also has a 3 year old son (not mine) who i think is great.

She is also treating me like a stranger, i tried to talk to her on facebook and she seemed pretty distant, and talked to me like we hadnt been together. I'm not ringing her like a stalker every 10 mins im giving her space, but the times when i have tried to ring she ignores them. I dont think she wanted to leave me, i think she needs to do what best for her and her son. i think its unfair that she is ignoring me, even if i give her space i still want to be in her life, shes important to me.

Its hard to deal with this, Do you think i should just move on? or fight and try and get her back? Or could that be selfish of me? or maybe just give her the space and maybe call in 2 weeks! Could the reason be that she isnt answering my calls because she misses me?

Any advice or opinions on this will be appreciated.

Thanks

[Nice Lover Boy]

You came to the right place, mate!
This is where you shed tears and sorrows.
I think right now what you should do is leave her alone for about 3 weeks or so. No call, no facebook. Don't even write anything on your wall cuz she can still read it. The more distance you are from her, the more un-hurt you'll be. If you keep looking for her while it's obvious she wants to be alone, you'll just be hurting yourself and thinking about it too much.
Go out and hang with friends but don't do stupid things. Enjoy your life right now.

[Incar]

After those 3 weeks, just try to have a short meeting. Keep it short and fun. And figure out if she still likes you. Do not ask about the break-up.

[VincenzoG91]

You probably don't want to hear this, but your relationship was in trouble before the cheating incident. Maybe she's just not a trustworthy person, and maybe she was losing interest in you for a while now, and you just missed the signs. Cheating on you was wrong, and you were kind to give her a second chance. But the fact remains that she cheated, which is a strong sign that she just isn't that into you anymore. I agree with the No Contact idea, but you're probably better off just moving on. Eight weeks isn't a long time for a relationship, so for things to go this badly so quickly... there really isn't any basis to hope for things to work out.

[Paul19]

Thanks for your input, I think giving her space for a few weeks is a good idea. Like I said she has to work a few things out in her life, and a few other issues, which is fine even before she broke up with me i was trying to help her through them.

I dont think she cheated because she has lost interest in me, i think its because she drunk to much and took some other substances, and lost her inhibitions, which is terrible and unfortunate but i did forgive her. before it happen we had heaps of fun together she got along with my family and i got along with hers, in the past a lot of her ex's havnt been the nicest or even safest people to be around, i think her mother is happy that she found me, she told me that she isnt going to tell her mother that she did break up with me. I think she wants to improve and become a better person.

Anymore advice or opinions on this will be appreciated

Thanks

[IncognitoSir]

Hey Everyone

We were together on the weekend then on tuesday my girlfriend broke up with me, she said that she needs some space to sort some things in her life out, we didnt have a big fight, i just said thats ok, i tried to be mature about it, she wanted to call it a break, She also said that after she gets it sorted we can start over.

The reason I'm confused is because 10 days before she broke up with me she went to a party got drunk and slept with another dude, straight after it happen she told me about it, when she did tell me we were with her family at her sisters house for lunch, in that situation i couldnt really get angry, i also didnt have my car so was pretty well stuck there until we left. When this happened we had only been together for 8 weeks, cheating is still cheating, but i gave her a second chance. she did tell me it was a mistake and she regrets it, i know its wrong to assume but im pretty sure that has nothing to do with her leaving me.

Another reason im confused is that after all that i did nothing bad to her (i was by no means the perfect boyfriend but i did try my hardest) i was good, buy things for her (within reason), take her places take her shopping, she lives 2 hours away from me, in the past before she met me, she would of normally just caught the train, but i would drive her home or pick her up, she also has a 3 year old son (not mine) who i think is great.

She is also treating me like a stranger, i tried to talk to her on facebook and she seemed pretty distant, and talked to me like we hadnt been together. I'm not ringing her like a stalker every 10 mins im giving her space, but the times when i have tried to ring she ignores them. I dont think she wanted to leave me, i think she needs to do what best for her and her son. i think its unfair that she is ignoring me, even if i give her space i still want to be in her life, shes important to me.

Its hard to deal with this, Do you think i should just move on? or fight and try and get her back? Or could that be selfish of me? or maybe just give her the space and maybe call in 2 weeks! Could the reason be that she isnt answering my calls because she misses me?

Any advice or opinions on this will be appreciated.

Thanks

You seem like a real nice guy, probably a lil too nice. Sounds like you pretty much worship the ground this chick walks on. First of all, you can put someone else's happiness before your own. There is NO excuse for cheating and if anyone cheats after only 8 weeks into a relationship you have to see the red flag! Doing what's best for her son????? Not likely. When someone says they need to sort things out AFTER they cheated, its usually because they have plans to pursue someone else. She breaks the news to you in a place that FORCES you to suppress your feelings and inevitably softens your reaction to the whole matter. Cant you see how she planned all that out? Right now, all you want is some attention from her, yet she denies you of that attention. Don't let her do that to you man, its destructive. Another thing, how could you already be in for a break when you've only been dating for 8 weeks???? That makes no sense, and to top it all off, she didn't even give you a real explanation to why SHE needed a break. You mentioned she said once SHE gets everything sorted out, ya'll can start over..... why would you need to start over? YOU did nothing wrong, yet she's telling you that ya'll can start over? You gotta look pass the face value of what she's done and said to you guy.

[Paul19]

You seem like a real nice guy, probably a lil too nice. Sounds like you pretty much worship the ground this chick walks on. First of all, you can put someone else's happiness before your own. There is NO excuse for cheating and if anyone cheats after only 8 weeks into a relationship you have to see the red flag! Doing what's best for her son????? Not likely. When someone says they need to sort things out AFTER they cheated, its usually because they have plans to pursue someone else. She breaks the news to you in a place that FORCES you to suppress your feelings and inevitably softens your reaction to the whole matter. Cant you see how she planned all that out? Right now, all you want is some attention from her, yet she denies you of that attention. Don't let her do that to you man, its destructive. Another thing, how could you already be in for a break when you've only been dating for 8 weeks???? That makes no sense, and to top it all off, she didn't even give you a real explanation to why SHE needed a break. You mentioned she said once SHE gets everything sorted out, ya'll can start over..... why would you need to start over? YOU did nothing wrong, yet she's telling you that ya'll can start over? You gotta look pass the face value of what she's done and said to you guy.

Thanks. I'll have to reconsider what im doing...

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, sounds like you are in a crap situation man. As far as I can tell, there is no difference between "a break" and "breaking up" because it's not like you guys spend time together anymore. And she treats you like a stranger? So the question is: why are you tolerating this treatment? I understand that you love this girl but her actions are indicating that she doesn't feel the same way, or she doesn't know how to treat a boyfriend, but either way it doesn't bode well for you in a relationship with her.

We have to change your mindset from "winning her back" to "living life without her in it". I would be ridiculously pissed if she was the one to cheat on me and then have the gall to tell me "let's start over and give it another go". As if it's her decision for this relationship to work. Bullshit. Chasing after her is actually just going to push her away also, the more you try to fight for her, the more confidence she is going to get from the fact that you aren't going anywhere and that you can't live without her. You can and you will, and I think you deserve something better. It seems your confidence is lacking because you are trying to validate yourself as a good boyfriend listing off the things you did for her and all. Relationships are more than just buying them nice things and taking them shopping and you even said it yourself you weren't a perfect boyfriend. Doesn't even sound like she appreciated it. Look back at where you weren't and take it as a lesson for the next relationship you are in.

Most importantly, don't tolerate any kind of shoddy treatment from anybody, no matter how much you care about them. You are only worth as much as you allow yourself to be treated. And this girl doesn't think much of you clearly. You deserve better.

[NewStart]

I'm thinking she slept with the other dude as a way to sabotage the relationship (without actually having to pull the trigger herself). Take it as a blessing that she's out of your life if she's the type to cheat and be reckless with your heart.

[Paul19]

Thanks for you input. I dont worship the ground she walks on, before it went sour we got along great, then she cheated, i dont know, but i'm pretty certain, the guy she cheated on me with, she hasnt gone to him, if i find out she has, and shes lied to me, ill be pretty pissed. She cheated on me on a saturday, on the wednesday just after we went to a function for her work, there was no issues there, although, her cheating was always in the back of my mind, it didnt make me feel great, but i was trying to give her a second chance. A few days later on the friday we were together, I picked her and her son up (they stayed at a friends place) and i drove him to school, then i helped her look for a house during the day, (not for me to move into just for her and her son) her current living arrangemenst arent that great, she hates it and wants somthing new, while we were doing that she was stressed out and grumpy, she was a bit snappy at me and one other stranger (customer service) that was trying to help her, that kinda pissed me off. Later we picked her son up from school, and drove him the 2 hours home, she was gonna stay there with him, but remembered that it was friday and after school hes generally tired, so we dropped him home and left (the current living arrangements are, that she lives in the same house as her ex, the kids father, more like roomates then anything else, it was a bit weird in the beginning but i suppose i have come to understand it) she stayed with me that night, it was 2 hour drive back to my place, when we arrived there she wasnt feeling well and still a little grumpy, she pretty well just went straight to bed. The next morning she was still grumpy and wanted to see her son, she said for me to drop her off at a train station, but i said i would drive her home and i did. The next night i gave her a call and she said that she needed some space, i said thats ok, and gave her the space, then on the tuesday she rang me and said that we need a break, she didnt like the way she acted on the friday, and was snappy and grumpy, and didnt like the way she treated me, so she said after she sorts it out we can pick it up again, i just said ok. i think a day or 2 after that i tried to ring her a few times but with no answer, then last saturday i was chatting to her on facebook, she actually apologised for missing my calls, and i havnt spoken to her since.

Something else ive noticed is that she hasnt changed her relationship status on facebook, it stil says "in a relationship with me" Could that mean anything?

I should have put some of those details into my original post, Sorry for not doing that.

Still i thank you all for your input, it has been a great help.

[Gigabitch]

That girl is no good. If she has a child, she has no business getting shitfaced drunk and doing "other substances" at a party in the first place, not that I think that's any excuse for cheating. That just offends me.

You're her little bitch. Grow a backbone and tell her to go away.

[Raze]

Omg, this happened to me too. Took me a while to get over it. Girls that get that drunk are losers anyway. Good riddance.

[Raze]

I'm thinking she slept with the other dude as a way to sabotage the relationship (without actually having to pull the trigger herself). Take it as a blessing that she's out of your life if she's the type to cheat and be reckless with your heart.

I never thought of that before. I think that's why a lot of people cheat. Spot on, spot on.

[Kayla]

You seem like a real nice guy, probably a lil too nice. Sounds like you pretty much worship the ground this chick walks on. First of all, you can put someone else's happiness before your own. There is NO excuse for cheating and if anyone cheats after only 8 weeks into a relationship you have to see the red flag! Doing what's best for her son????? Not likely. When someone says they need to sort things out AFTER they cheated, its usually because they have plans to pursue someone else. She breaks the news to you in a place that FORCES you to suppress your feelings and inevitably softens your reaction to the whole matter. Cant you see how she planned all that out? Right now, all you want is some attention from her, yet she denies you of that attention. Don't let her do that to you man, its destructive. Another thing, how could you already be in for a break when you've only been dating for 8 weeks???? That makes no sense, and to top it all off, she didn't even give you a real explanation to why SHE needed a break. You mentioned she said once SHE gets everything sorted out, ya'll can start over..... why would you need to start over? YOU did nothing wrong, yet she's telling you that ya'll can start over? You gotta look pass the face value of what she's done and said to you guy.

there are all pretty much the exact same thoughts I had when reading this.. I was also thinking that she is very self consumed.

[Kayla]

seems to be she is snappy and grumpy alot. Im guessing she is an extremely unhappy, dissatisfied person.. run like hell, OP! RUN!