boyfriend problems

[tiredoflove]

I've been going out with this guy for nearly 2 months. Our relationship is a usually good despite the odd disagreement we really enjoy spending time with each other. We see each other most nights and go on dates instead of just sitting at home.
He recently met my entire family at my cousins 21st birthday. And I've met his parents but will be meeting the rest of his family at his birthday next month.
We have a very healthy sex life and everytime we see each other we usually do it.
He isn't affectionate as much as I'd like him to be, he doesn't like snuggling or kissing much and when I asked him why he said that hes not the type of person that is affectionate but doesn't mind if I give him affection.
Lately I feel like when I'm talking to him mainly when it's about important things about our relationship he acts like it is no big deal and won't talk to me it, which makes me really frustrated because it is hard to know what he is thinking.
He said that he cares about me more then he has ever cared about any other girl, but I am finding that hard to believe because of the way he has been acting.
I told him that if he doesn't start treating me better I will walk away because I don't put up with any guys bullshit.
In one of his past relationships he was cheated on by his long-term girlfriend and said that he has trust issues. He also said that he thinks I will hurt him like his ex did. I made clear that I couldn't do that to anybody I cared about.
I also have trust issues and lately I've been feeling insecure about our relationship usually when he makes comments about other girls, I feel as if he is going to cheat on me. Because I have been cheated on in the past and I'm scared that he will do the same to me.
The other day I was discussing about us getting tested for STD's just to be all in the clear(the last guy I dated I got checked after we stopped seeing each other and I was all in the clear) but when I bring up about getting tested and I said that if I came back with anything he'd be the one that would have given it to me. He will always put up a defence and say that I shouldn't be pointing the finger at him.
I was speaking to one of our mutual friends and told her I was unsure about him and she said that she's never seen him look at any of his ex's like he looks at me.
Lately he has been starting arguements with me over nothing and I asked him if he had anything on his mind that he'd like to tell me, and he said no! I don't know why he is picking petty fights with me over nothing. I feel like he's feeling bad about something that he has done.

I'am not sure what to do I feel like I am trying so hard with him but he's not trying at all.
Please help

[NBT]

If you're having these types of problems ALREADY, in less than 2 months, it's not going to last.

Of course, you won't listen to me. Instead, you'll try to stick it out.

But I'm just telling you, it'll do more harm than good before everything is said and done.

[lahnnabell]

Communication needs to remain open in a relationship. He clearly doesn't understand this, and it's hurting you and him.

You've tried talking to him numerous times and have not seen any progress. What have you done to help him make progress? Relationships are two way streets. When one partner is expected to compromise, the other must follow suit, or lead by example. You can't just throw out orders and expect results.

[phys251]

If you're having these types of problems ALREADY, in less than 2 months, it's not going to last.

Of course, you won't listen to me. Instead, you'll try to stick it out.

But I'm just telling you, it'll do more harm than good before everything is said and done.

I think you're right.

[returnofthezro]

i dont agree, some guys just dont do that emo shit very well, we try but its uncomfortable, awkward and therefore avoided like the black plague - i am not saying that your boyfriend is in that category, but realise it could be a possibility, guys just dont do feelings very well, be patient - its only two months

the above does not relate to the STD issue, you need to be protected, if you think you are in risk, you should do everything to protect yourself

[vashti]

You are grossly misinformed about STD testing, and he is rightly annoyed by your accusations. There is no set rule as to which STDs are being tested for, and the most common ones aren't included in the absence of symptoms (herpes and HPV). The only STDs you can be sure you didn't have when you met this guy are the ones you were specifically tested for, which probably includes chlamydia and gonorrhea.

[url=http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/std-testing/ID00047]STD testing: What to know before your appointment - MayoClinic.com[/url]

[Gigabitch]

Vashti's right, you know. isn't that crazy, that you have to specifically ASK to be tested for herpes and HPV, like they're unusual?

Your boyfriend seems appropriately invested considering the length of your relationship. I think you need to back off a little bit. Give it some time!

Also, I'd like to point out that threatening to leave a relationship undermines the trust that you need to grow together as a couple. He was cheated on. End result: he lost his girlfriend. That hurt. If you dump him, the end result will be that he loses his girlfriend. That will hurt too. You're threatening to hurt him. Stop it. Ultimatums work exactly one time, and after that, they're just empty words, so don't waste your ultimatum on stupid shit like lack of PDA.

[tiredoflove]

So what you're saying is that I should be treated how I am being treated instead of speaking up for myself?
Nobody that is trying to do the right thing by their partner by treating them with respect and love should be treated like their feelings don't matter.

[NBT]

Vashti's right, you know. isn't that crazy, that you have to specifically ASK to be tested for herpes and HPV, like they're unusual?

Your boyfriend seems appropriately invested considering the length of your relationship. I think you need to back off a little bit. Give it some time!

Also, I'd like to point out that threatening to leave a relationship undermines the trust that you need to grow together as a couple. He was cheated on. End result: he lost his girlfriend. That hurt. If you dump him, the end result will be that he loses his girlfriend. That will hurt too. You're threatening to hurt him. Stop it. Ultimatums work exactly one time, and after that, they're just empty words, so don't waste your ultimatum on stupid shit like lack of PDA.

This can go two ways, actually. So I both agree, AND disagree with your post.

On the one hand, you're RIGHT when you say that ultimatums work only one time. Because without actions to back up your threats, they won't be taken seriously.

On the OTHER hand, if a lack of affection/intimacy is something that BOTHERS her, who are we to tell her "that's not a good enough reason" ? You can't make that call.

If he's not willing to communicate with her, or if he blows off her concerns, she has a right to be frustrated.

At the same time though, the STD stuff (blaming this guy) isn't fair, because things can sit dormant for a WHILE. She could've had it ALREADY. I agree.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All in all though, this is about what is right for HER, and what SHE feels is OKAY to deal with (and NOT ok to deal with) in a relationship.

If she feels she's being treated unfairly, and he's starting fights with her and what not, she should leave.

If everything is fine, or she doesn't mind it, she should STAY. But if she IS going to stay, she needs to STOP with all the COMPLAINING.

The only choices are to accept this behavior, or leave. Changing him (or his behavior) is not an option.

[vashti]

So what you're saying is that I should be treated how I am being treated instead of speaking up for myself?
Nobody that is trying to do the right thing by their partner by treating them with respect and love should be treated like their feelings don't matter.

You didn't really even tell us anything about how you are being treated. All you told us is that he isn't as affectionate as you are. He's allowed to NOT be, you know. You didn't give us a single example of how he treats you badly, but you DID give us an example of YOUR bad behavior (STD accusations).

How old are both of you, BTW?

[Gigabitch]

On the one hand, you're RIGHT when you say that ultimatums work only one time. Because without actions to back up your threats, they won't be taken seriously.

On the OTHER hand, if a lack of affection/intimacy is something that BOTHERS her, who are we to tell her "that's not a good enough reason" ? You can't make that call.

I just don't see lack of PDA as a dealbreaker. Some of the other stuff, maybe. His comments about other girls to her are pretty disrespectful, and she's got a gut feeling that he's going to cheat, which I don't recommend dismissing, but the fact that he doesn't want to cuddle seems pretty small.

[vashti]

I just don't see lack of PDA as a dealbreaker. Some of the other stuff, maybe. His comments about other girls to her are pretty disrespectful, and she's got a gut feeling that he's going to cheat, which I don't recommend dismissing, but the fact that he doesn't want to cuddle seems pretty small.

She didn't even tell us what kinds of comments he's making.

[Raze]

No cuddling? What the fudge? I <3 cuddling!

[IncognitoSir]

Sounds like he has serious trust issues from previous relationships and you have to pay for it. If he TOLD you he thinks you're going to cheat on him then whats the point. He clearly doesnt trust you. The PDA thing isnt really a BIG deal, a lot of guys arent into PDA, but the trust thing, now thats gonna be the dealbreaker of your relationship.