She said she loved me, I couldn't reply.

[SteveM]

Hi,

I'll try make it short.

My girlfriend told me she loves me. I wasn't able to reply. I feel aweful.

I've been seeing her 4 months. I think she's lovely, one of the best girls I've ever met. Honestly I'm at the point where I'm wondering where it was going. I think its normal but I love her to bits, she's great but there are some things I was wondering about. Like, she is sort of from a conservative background so she's not really into dressing up and going out much where as I love to go out at the weekends with my friends, its what we've always done after a long weeks work. Its just small things like that where I'd love my girlfriend to be there enjoying it with me but she lkes to stay in a lot and study instead of going out with me and my friends. She makes an effort sometimes but I think its not her favourite thing. Just small things where I sometimes wonder if it'd ever be a problem that we are into different things sometimes.

Well thats besides the point, she's a wonderful girl and very beautiful so I'm mad about her.

The problem was this.
I was in a horrible relationship a long time ago, I thought I loved the girl but she did some horrible things in the end but when I ended it she refused to accept it. She maintained that I had said I loved her and that I can never go back on that and made my life and my families life hell for several years afterwards.

Now I'm always a little cautious with girls at first. This girl is wonderful but I feel 4 months is a long enough time that the relationship is serious but I just can't let myself say I'm in love with someone. It might sound synical but there is so much to still learn about someone at this point. Who's to say in another 4 months or longer it won't all be so rosey. I hope it will be but you dont know whats around the corner. I wanted to keep building the relationship and hope it goes well but I'm just not someone who lets themselves fall madly in love as soon as possible. I know life has its blips and troubles and who knows what will happen, it makes me very uncomfortable to have someone new in my life to just become my life. I just don't want to be hurt again or let it disrupt my life. I want to see this girl more and If I was with her in 10 years time it'd probably be the best thing I could do, thats how I feel about her now, in truth I probably do feel I love her but I just know lifes not that black and white and I just can't let myself say it so soon, I need to know someone longer to know this is it, no questions asked, no regrets, no doubts.

I know it sounds awful, I know people who know people a month and "just know" they love someone. I feel very strongly for her but my personal stance is I can't allow myself to say something so huge to someone without knowing them inside out for a long time.

I know I sound horrible. I've really upset her, I didn't tell her all this as it'd only sound worse.

I dont really know how to handle it now, she's very upset and I'm wrecking my head. I don't just want to say it and realise in 6 months we just aren't right and have it become a huge deal.

[hurt_confuzd]

Solution to all problems related to relationships: lying.

[IncognitoSir]

Dont beat yourself up about this. You did the right thing now you just need to sit her down and explain to her how much you DO care for her and that maybe one day you will love her but you're not there yet. This is where maturity comes in. She has to realize you're not rejecting her, you're being honest and contrary to popular belief, hones always works out the best. Also, be sure you don't hold back because of a past relationship or experience. If you find yourself holding back because of some other relationship, you may not be ready for a relationship. That's not fair to your current gf. You should just say I love you because she said, you should say it when you truly mean it. Be sure when you talk to her that you're kind and patient with her though, because the reason she's soooo upset is because she feels totally rejected by you and that hurts. She was expecting you to respond in kind.

[IncognitoSir]

Solution to all problems related to relationships: lying.

So he can end up like you? hurt and confuzed