Losing trust over girlfriend talking to her ex behind my back.

[mma2010]

Long-time lurker, thought I would see what a few peoples opinions are on this....

..Basically, I met my girlfriend about 6 months ago. We both came out of very bad relationships, though she had only been out of her previous relationship about 2 months before she met me. She would sometimes tell me about her ex, and how much she was glad she was rid of him, he was always cheating on her and putting her down, he stopped her from seeing her friends and had no respect for her family etc.

Well, about a month ago she logged into facebook on my laptop but didn't log out. I went on later, thinking it was logged in as me. I saw a new message, which was from her ex. Basically, it turned out they had been messaging eachother back and forth for about 3 months, and the first few messages were sent by my girlfriend pretty much begging him to reply to her as he had seemed to have moved on with a new girlfriend and wasn't replying to her messages. The messages weren't just a 'hi, how are you?' either, they were very long, usually going on about the good times in their relationship. And the latest message that my girlfriend had sent was an apology, for sending him text messages explaining she missed him - his current girlfriend saw the messages and wasn't too happy.

I eventually decided to confront my girlfriend about it, and she was very apologetic. She explained she was just confused, and she removed him from facebook, and said that she wouldn't mind totally removing him from her life if it meant our relationship would work. After a few weeks I had totally forgotten about it.

Well, the other day pretty much the exact same thing happened, she was writing an email to someone at work, and i noticed that when she clicked on her 'sent' emails, there were two, sent to her ex's email address (and one had an attatchment). I asked why she was emailing him again, even though she promised she wouldnt, atleast, not for a while anyway. She was clearly very embarassed, and she didn't know what to say. I said that if there is nothing for me to worry about, she should let me see the emails (not sure if this was wrong on my part, but to be honest, if i didnt read them I would have constantly have been thinking about what they might contain). Well, the email with the attatchment was a picture of her ( a face picture, nothing else), and the other email was long, it would have filled a page of A4. She said in the email things like 'Im so glad I rang you the other night, was so nice talking to you, ive missed you more than you can imagine' and explaining how they should meet up soon. The emails also mentioned how emailing was a better way for them to contact eachother, as facebook was 'too risky' to get caught.

I now dont really know what to do now. All my friends say they would have left her straight away, but I honestly do love her, and I know that she loves me. Apart from this, our relationship was pretty much perfect.

I know that I'm probably going to have trust issue's with her now. But I also know that she hasn't cheating or anything and it could be much worse than a few emails to her ex. I'm SO confused, I just cant think straight

[Gigabitch]

Ultimatum time.

Either she cuts him off for good or you walk away. That's my two cents.

[lilxcutie53]

you just need to trust her..I think talking about how she misses him is wrong, but I dont think you should get upset that they are friends...I am good friends with my ex boyfriend..so we talk sometimes, just to catch up and what not..one time he texted me asking about "us" and if I ever think about it..and I told him that I dont because we dated so long ago. But also my bf is friends with his ex gfs and I know they talk sometimes..just as long as she knows her limits I think its ok..

[IncognitoSir]

you just need to trust her..I think talking about how she misses him is wrong, but I dont think you should get upset that they are friends...I am good friends with my ex boyfriend..so we talk sometimes, just to catch up and what not..one time he texted me asking about "us" and if I ever think about it..and I told him that I dont because we dated so long ago. But also my bf is friends with his ex gfs and I know they talk sometimes..just as long as she knows her limits I think its ok..

Absolutely not! She's been lying and hiding things from you since the start of this relationship. The foundation of your relationship has NO trust in it. If all of this is soooooo innocent then why the hell is she keeping it all so secret? Because she KNOWS shes wrong. Why did he ex gf get upset if it's all "OK"? Not to mention, you cant trust her and there is noway you can maintain a healthy relationship without trust.

[lilxcutie53]

well then if he cant trust her, then he needs to talk to her about it or end it...

[IncognitoSir]

well then if he cant trust her, then he needs to talk to her about it or end it...

Yah, pretty much the meat and potatoes of the matter.

[xxazurexx]

She is definitley NOT over him.