Ultimatum

[vashti]

i've always found that taking oregano oil does wonders. whenever i've felt slightly sick, or something weird was going on with my throat, sinuses, whatnot, i'd take oregano oil for a few days and i'd get better rather quickly. taking it even when you aren't sick every now and then can help ward off stuff. you don't smoke, do you? my sister has an issue with getting bronchitis every now and then from her smoking.

I think I am finally starting to show some improvement. Last night, I slept flat (rather than with my head elevated), and didn't wake up coughing at all. But I will keep the oregano oil in mind for next time, thanks!

BTW - your sister is likely in the beginning stages of COPD. I hope she likes the idea of carrying a portable oxygen tank with her, and fairly regular hospital admissions.

[RdHrshyKss]

yeah, i really don't understand it at all. my great-grandmother, who was an awesome lady, died of lung cancer from smoking all her life. if that wasn't enough for me to stay away from smoking, i don't know what is. i never got sucked into that peer pressure shit. my sister definitely did. my dad gets bronchitis every now and then too, but he doesn't smoke. maybe my dad and sister have some kind of susceptibility to it. but the smoking definitely doesn't help. whenever she's gone to the doctor with bronchitis symptoms he tells her to quit smoking. she's still young and thinks that she doesn't have to worry too much about it yet. hopefully she realizes she should quit sooner rather than later.

[4seasons]

Update. Daughter has been gone all summer staying with grandparents. 14 Year old daughter is back home with her mother for school to start. While she was gone, her mother and I had a wonderful two months together with a few setbacks by her daughter emailing her stating she does not want me around unless there is a date set and ring on her finger. The grandmother chimed in and agreed: no ring, leave him!! Because of this, she has been seeing me on the sly without her mother and daughter knowing. Now that the daughter is home, I can't call or go over to her house unless I show her daughter that there is a ring and date set. She loves me and fully enjoys all our time spent together this summer and now that the daughter is back, will agree to sneek out of her home a couple times a week behind her daughter's back and come see me at my house. This behavior has always concerned me and I am not sure I would want her daughter as my stepdaughter and her mother having control over my life. It may be time to end this once an for all. Our one year relationship would have been much further advanced if ther was no meddling by other family members and no pressure to tie the knot. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Lovable]

Sounds to me like the daughter & mother run the show with this woman. She has the sneak around to be with you because THEY want the ring & date set for a wedding??

Who exactly is the adult between the 14 year old & your girlfriend?

Who should be the independent adult between your girlfriend & the mother?

[IndiReloaded]

You're just looking for excuses as to why you shouldn't marry her. So don't. Just end it already.

[vashti]

Our one year relationship would have been much further advanced if ther was no meddling by other family members and no pressure to tie the knot. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Umm... I thought you said this was a 5 MONTH relationship??? If it's been a year, perhaps the daughter is a little wiser than we initially gave her credit for. She certainly sounds more grown up than her mom, who is too busy sneaking around to act like a grown woman.

[RdHrshyKss]

the grandmother and the daughter have no right to be interfering with their relationship after only one year...putting all this pressure to marry is just silly in my opinion. why do they have to be married in order to be committed to each other? as long as his gf is happy/content with how the relationship is going, having a ring or marriage papers really means diddly-squat. they are subscribing to a ridiculous social norm, and if his gf is not willing to be her own woman, than the OP should move on. i would definitely NOT want to marry into a family like this...no way in hell.

[4seasons]

Umm... I thought you said this was a 5 MONTH relationship??? If it's been a year, perhaps the daughter is a little wiser than we initially gave her credit for. She certainly sounds more grown up than her mom, who is too busy sneaking around to act like a grown woman.

I know you think I am pointing the finger at other people instead of owning up to my responsibility here. The relationship WAS five months five months old last Christmas (read first post) when the ultimatums started. Remember, she felt let down when she got a necklace for Christmas instead of a ring so the next day went to the jeweler herself and priced a ring and gave me two weeks to decide. With all the ups and downs since Christmas and the daughter out of town since June that I should surrender to their demands? I know you are a moderator and have a good head on your shoulder buit come on. Since my two previous failed marriages, I lost a lot and it has taken me a long time to build my business back to it's successful level that it once was before I ever got married. Because of this, don't I have a right to take things slowly this time around to make sure I get it right this time or because it has been a year and resentment has grown from other family members, I should follow through with a commitment? Gee Whiz, when I was 14 years old, I don't remember ever having the power to demand anything out of a 51 year old.

[vashti]

don't I have a right to take things slowly this time around to make sure I get it right this time or because it has been a year and resentment has grown from other family members, I should follow through with a commitment? Gee Whiz, when I was 14 years old, I don't remember ever having the power to demand anything out of a 51 year old.

Yes, you absolutely have this right.

She also has a right to want to get married. She's just letting her daughter take the heat about her wanting it. Pathetic.

And if you know that this is what she wants, isn't it kind of crappy to waste her time?

[4seasons]

Yes you are right. I won't waste any more of her time. It is too bad that two people that love one another can't just enjoy natural growth instead of forcing the issue. I will let her go. I guarantee she will be back knocking on my door. I always felt that she just wanted to get married for the sake of getting married. If I end it totally, she will make a lot of noise. I just want to take it more slow and she wants marriage yesterday.

[RdHrshyKss]

i agree with you. i think getting married should be natural. it's not like you guys have been dating 5 years and you've been giving her the run around. her and her family are making way too big of a deal out of it and i could only imagine what kind of influence that would have on other things. pressuring someone into marriage is a sign that things probably wouldn't work out in the long run...you guys just aren't on the same page. best of luck.