LOst

[alane405]

So, I have been with my Fiance now for three years, we have a handsome and perfect 1 year old son. I thought everything was going well but last december things started to seem different between my guy and I. He kept hiding his i-phone, he had new strange apps like karma sutra and positions, and he didnt answer his phone at work. I thought I was just being paranoid...I ignored all the signs. Then just last week I found some e-mails on his phone...they are in spanish from a girl he works with who is much much older. I dont speak spanish but i got enough out of the google english spanish translator that i realize hes been having some kind of relationship/affair with this woman. I confronted him with and he admitted that they kissed, but it never went further. Did I mention that she calls him all the time and he never answers his phone in front of me! I'm lost...I love him to death...but I cant trust him anymore. He apologized, begged me to forgive him and said he loves me with all his heart. Im trying to trust him again, but I dont know if im just being weak and stupid or if I should gather my strength and bolt as soon as I can. In my gut I feel as though he lied and its still going on and that they had a "real" affair, but I come from a troubled childhood where adultery and heartbreak were a daily problem between my parents who divorced and remarried eachother several times, I dont know if this could be affecting my judgement. I will admit I have always been predispositioned to believe that all men are cheaters. Im lost, confused, heartbroken and paranoid, someone please help me find my way.

[pringlej]

I would suggest that you leave him. It's easier in the long run. My g/f cheated on me and she apologised and said she would change and wouldn't do it again. I don't believe she cheated again, but being with someone that's cheated on you is one of the hardest things to go through. I stuck it out for 4 months, but there wasn't ONE day where I didn't think about her cheating.

I still love her now, but I know that in the long run, I am only doing myself a favour.

[Gigabitch]

Good God, do you need Vanna White to spell it out for you? He's totally cheating. Whether you decide to stay with him or not, you have to DEAL with this. Go to his work and confront this woman. Kidnap his iPhone. Make a big deal out of this. It seems to me like you had a conversation with him about this and now you're left with this pile of crap to deal with and he's just washed his hands of it and walked away. That's not how it's supposed to work.

He did something shady. I think he's actually boning this woman, but at the very least, he did things that undermined your trust. He should be trying as hard as he can to win it back. Total transparency is the best way to accomplish this. That means you should have license to come by his work any time, he must ALWAYS answer your phone calls, you get his email passwords, etc. etc. Switching phones is a good idea too. My guess is that none of this is happening and this is now considered to be YOUR problem.

Your troubled childhood taught you how to deal with adultery ineffectively. You have to learn new lessons.

[Raze]

Move on. Go live your life with someone else.

[Teddy057]

The fact that he works with this women makes it much more difficult to gain his trust back. He sees her everyday, in fact, he probably gets to at least 3rd base on lunch break daily.

Your man has a child, and he's stooped so low to kiss another woman? Talk about immature and not ready for marriage. If you're truly in love with another person, cheating shouldn't even cross your mind unless you have a major self-esteem problem. Once your significant other has cheated on you, it can never go back to the way it was. The trust is gone, and it will never come back. Your man is not ready for marriage, hell, he's not ready to be a dad yet either. If you have other options, I suggest exploring them.

I know you're lost, confused, and feelings tons of other emotions... But, try and stay strong and do the right thing. You have a beautiful little boy to love and take care of.