Cheated

[carlisle]

Guys, I need your advise... I've been with my ex for 4 years. We were happy with our first two years after that we have a long distance relationship. I was not really agreeable to the situation.. I cheated on my ex-boyfriend with my officemate. I don't have any feelings for my officemate. He is a great conversationalist and mature. I can share my thoughts with him freely.My Ex found out and He got back on me by spreading the news at our office. And I feel so depressed and couldn't face the people at our office. I started isolating myself. It was the first time I cheated on him and he hated me for doing it. I couldn't blame him for his actions, I was his first girlfriend. But there was something missing in our relationship. He is not the typical sweet, romantic guy and I'm very vocal and keep asking him why he is not like that. When we have problems he just wont speak up and tell what's his opinion straight to my face. When he broke up with me he told me that he haven't totally accepted that I'm not his first and now that I have cheated on him, he's very devastated . I wanted him back but he don't want me anymore. HE hates me. What should I do? I'm now suffering depression...

[IncognitoSir]

Time to move on. The relationship was suffering from communication problems already and now that you cheated......I can't see a recovery from that. If you're his first gf, I'm sure he is quite upset with you. Although HE had severe communication issues what you did was simply a deal breaker for him. i cant blame him for that. Give yourself time to pick up the pieces and learn that cheating is never the answer.

[VincenzoG91]

Sometimes relationships don't work out, and that's okay. Cheating is not okay. Either try to fix the relationship without cheating, or end the relationship and then move on. Cheating is very selfish, and selfish people aren't ready for love.

[carlisle]

thanks for the advise. Yes, I know that cheating is not the answer. I learned that the hard way. I just realized that I really love him and I'm not ready to lose him. I want to spend my whole life with him but I know that I have hurt him so much.. All i ever wanted is a second chance..

[carlisle]

it tried many times to break up with him but I just can't stand it when he show up and show me his pitiful face... and now, i'm missing him so badly.

[IncognitoSir]

Trust me, if you don't give him some space now, it's just going to decrease your chances of ever possibly giving it another go with him.

[Raze]

Well, you should feel guilt after cheating.

[SealedWithAKISS]

it tried many times to break up with him but I just can't stand it when he show up and show me his pitiful face... and now, i'm missing him so badly.

Find out what you want. True commitment in love stands the test of temptation and time. Don't make a commitment you cannot keep or you will likely make enemies every time.

You may be missing him because you are lonely and the sense of security you shared being together for 4 years.

[Mish]

HE hates me. What should I do? I'm now suffering depression...

You say it like the outcome of you cheating wasn't completely obvious from the very beginning. What can you do now? Move on and don't cheat again, that's all you can do really

[Sonrisa]

why do you feel like you love him if in fact you actually don't?

[cmacattack1]

I was thinking the same thing too. It's always AFTER the fact that you guys are broken up is when you want to change things around and that you think you really love him. You were unhappy, and you didn't have the balls to be honest about it and to be on your own so you cheated for some reprieve. Obviously it wasn't worth it but like you said you learned that the hard way eh?

He may not have been a bad guy but he wasn't the guy for you. You wanted him to be more open and more romantic and he didn't feel like that was his style. Instead of waiting around and wishing he would turn into somebody he isn't, it's up to you make decisions and make moves based on how you feel. You weren't honest, you dragged him through the mud for four years when you weren't happy, and when you aren't happy with him but too afraid to leave him, cheating can and will happen.

Relationships are painful to break up but you can't let that stand in your way if you just don't feel for him, it's not fair to either of you. With growing up, you learn to understand that relationships don't always work out even when the love is there. How he reacted and aired it out to everybody at your office was very immature and dirty, even if he was the victim. You could have probably avoided that if you didn't cheat though. Now you have 4 years of your life you wish you could have back.

Life's a bitch huh?

[Gribble]

What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him. That's why people cheat and go on merrily with their lives. Hell, that's why people commit half the crimes they do. Rarely is anyone sorry for their actions until they've faced the consequences. Some of you probably have girlfriends or boyfriends who've fooled around and come right back into your arms as if nothing ever happened. They don't feel the least tinge of guilt, and they won't unless you catch them.