I've been dating someone for 4 months. Hard working guy. Great father to his children. Very attentive and usually very kind to me. We dated for 3 months of the four, while also dating others. I fell for him hard by month two but knew we weren't there yet. I moved at his pace. We are both divorced and I could see he wasn't completely over his ex-wife, who had left him. However a month ago he told me he loved me. I said the same.
The day after he told me he loved me we were talking. He said "I know I still have things to work through...because the most beautiful woman in the world is my ex-wife. It hurts to know that." I didn't respond. I was shocked...and hurt.
I should have left then. I didn't. He had always been slightly critical of my appearance. This worsened over the last month. I am NOT a girly girl. I'm t-shirts, jeans and little make up. Always have been. But I agreed to compromise and dress up if we went out...he just has stopped taking me out. He began telling me that he can see I have hang ups about my appearance. Pointing out emotional issues and making them bigger than they are...calling me jealous. He is continuously being hot and then cold. I had not in a month brought up the "most beautiful woman in the world" comment but I did last night after being virtually ignored for 3 days. I have no idea why he was so rude and distant for those 3 days but I'm assuming it has something to do with his ex. It usually does. My bringing up the comment started a discussion about my appearance and he told me he would try to deal with it... and he would find that he could deal with it or maybe he couldn't. This from a man who said last week that he intended to marry me some day.
I ended the relationship. Told him not to bother trying to learn to deal with it. I am who I am and that is who I want to be loved for. He told me I was making a bigger deal out of it than it was, that I was too worked up, that he wasn't giving up and that just because he didn't say what I wanted to hear he couldn't believe I would just run. I truly feel as though he has been working on beating down my self confidence and I'm not who I was a month ago.
Why do I feel like I want to talk to him right now? Make things right? Is it because I am subconsciously looking for his approval? I feel it's possible that is what I've been doing all along...Help please.