How best to handle inevitable fall out from a relationship that has ended

[mafj99]

Hello again,

Well I was starting to get everything sorted, began to move on from my last relationship. Decided after a few months to start dating again, met somebody else who was nice and I got on ok with in the beginning but after a few weeks it kind of went south and we ended breaking up.

My problem is she got very angry and upset when we broke up and I suspect that there will be some fall out from this with her telling my friends that I cheated on her, treat her badly, just used her, etc, etc.

For the record, I did none of the above.

It all came to a head when I had a mad couple of weeks at work. To the extent that I was going starting at 10am and finishing at about 1 am 7 days out of the first week, then the 2nd week it eased off but I was still finishing late. I saw her a couple of times over that period, though we had only been dating for about 2 weeks prior but I explained that I was very busy with work and wouldn't have a lot of time to see her.

There was also a lot of tension between us from a friend who developed a crush on me and got a little bit nasty when I rejected her, she found out about this girl and was not happy. Despite the fact that I stopped seeing her because of what happened (I didn't go out with her or have any physical with her, she just asked me out on a date and I said no) but she was not happy with the fact that I said that I couldn't avoid her completely as she was a good friend of one of my other friends, who I am also in a band with.

Anyway she wanted me to threaten to quit the band if he wouldn't stop seeing her as she didn't think it was right for me to say hello if she came up to me with I was out with my friend. That kind of annoyed me a lot and I wasn't happy for demands of who my friends could see to be made.

Finally after not seeing her properly for a week we had plans to go out and she also asked me what I was doing at the weekend, at the time I was committed to another work job which meant I would be finishing about 8/9 on the day when she was going out hence wouldn't be able to make it to dinner with her and her friends as I was working. Well that was that and she got very angry and started calling me selfish, always ignoring her and spending all my time with my mates.

I did try to explain that I wasn't actually spending time with my mates, I was WORKING, also I was not sleeping around again as I was WORKING. She then had a go at me for whenever we went out it was convenient that I always ran into my mates and had a lot of people coming up to me an saying hello.

Well I kind of decided there and then this is not going to work out and broke it off. To which she then got even more angry and told me that she would tell my friends what I was really like.

I am kind of a little worried now about what she will say, or indeed do if I run into her when I go out. How best to handle a situation like this?

S

[IncognitoSir]

Why are you worried? These are yYOUR friends. Surely your friends know you a lot better than this "few weeks fling" chick you were with. Don't let her sabotage your life or your friendships. Let your mates know whats up and squash it before she can even start any sh!t.

[cmacattack1]

I just can't understand how somebody such as yourself that couldn't even hurt a fly ends with the most ridiculous people I have ever seen or heard of on Earth. Is there something you aren't telling us?

I can certainly see how a girl might react badly if you reject her advances. I was getting kind of touchy feely with a girl I was friends with years ago, but when I realized I wasn't ready and that maybe I didn't feel the same way, I was just flat out honest with her. She got pissed off, told all these people that I begged to be with her and that SHE was the one that rejected me, and basically spun the whole story around. I figured it was possible that she was talking about us like we were something to everybody and when I shot her down, she had to tell people something happened. That's my only rational explanation that I have for somebody that would take something private and air it out in the public. But the point is that it made me feel much better about my decision because it was certainly the right one. I let it roll off my back and I'm still "friends" with her, meaning I really don't talk to her at all, and it certainly works out for me. People are going to think what they want to think and believe what they want to believe, and if they know you well, they know what things are things you would do.

People that take things so negative and react that way are immature and very insecure people.