Telling a girl how you feel

[Punk18]

Well, the topic is pretty self-explanatory in the title, so I don't think I need to delve any further into that. But I will give some back story on the situation itself. Please bear with me. It may be long, so I give you my apologies in advance.


So anyway, there's this girl at work who I am absolutely crazy about. And let me tell you... when I say crazy, I mean absolutely crazy. I haven't felt this giggly or giddy about a girl since about ten years ago when I was in high school. She's everything I could ask for. Smart, funny, sexy, dark hair. The total package of what I always look for in a girl. I think her and I would be the perfect match. Two of our co-workers, including one the first day this girl and I worked together, have said that her and I would make a cute couple.

But here's the catch... she has a boyfriend. A boyfriend who is an unemployed (for a year now), Oxycontin popping, freeloader who holds her back from reaching her true potential.

Her and I flirt non-stop. Everyone at work can see it and people occasionally mention something about us in passing. She even told me at one point, if she was single she'd definitely date me. We text on occasion and we want to hang out, but never do. Generally she feels like her boyfriend is going to catch wind of it and she chickens out.

But about a week and a half ago, she told me that her folks were gone for the weekend (she lives at home) and that she wanted me to come over so we could "fool around" if you get what I mean. She told me that on a Friday and I was going to roll over Sunday after my shift at work. We kept texting a few naughty things back and forth during the weekend, so come Sunday when I saw her at work, I was raring for it to be the end of my shift.

About two hours before I was ready to go, I get text telling me that she can't go through with it, she felt guilty, he was going to stop over. The usual excuses.

Needless to say, I was less then thrilled (see: mad). I understand her reasoning, but it doesn't mean I wasn't upset. She called me and in my anger, I really couldn't be too eloquent to tell her WHY I was upset. Yes, I was upset because I wasn't going to have sex, but that wasn't the man reason. I was mainly upset because I really wanted to spend some time with her. I wasn't going into this to have a quick f**k and then bounce out. I wanted to have a few beers, watch a movie, cuddle up on the couch and get to know her. If we didn't get past the making out stage, I wouldn't have been upset at all.

So anyway, I'll get to the point. Should I tell her how I feel, even though she has a boyfriend? I want to tell her pretty much everything I've said here. How I haven't felt this giddy over someone since high school or how I think about her constantly. I want to tell her about the paragraph above this. I just kinda want to get it all out there. I've never done anything like this, so I don't know what to think.

I've drawn a few positives from it. There must be some attraction to me in there, what with the "dating" comment she told me and wanting to sleep with me before backing out on it. The ideal situation is that I tell her all this and I get that kiss from her that I so desperately want and she tells me she wants to be with me too. Reality tells me I'm gonna get the "I really like you but..." spiel. However, I have that nagging thought in the back of my mind that she'll either laugh in my face or be completely creeped out. I'm starting a new job next week, so things can't be awkward at work which is also a plus.

I don't know what to think. What would you do if you were in my situation? I need all the help I can get here.

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

[Punk18]

I just want to add that I may very well be losing my mind over all of this lol. I think I may have to go to an asylum sooner or later!

[phys251]

Ah, the old classic love triangle. This story reminds me of the one on The Office. You ever seen that?

I'd hold back with dumping your feelings on her. It seems to me that she clearly likes you, but also that she feels tied down in her current relationship. Best thing you could do is to listen to her every time she talks about her b/f, not just let her talk uninterrupted, but to listen to her. Bonus: she'll toss out lots of clues as to her intents.

Also, a word of caution. If she does wind up cheating on her b/f, you'd better make sure he's not the kind that's going to hunt you down or something like that.

[Punk18]

I'm not too concerned about her boyfriend hunting me down if anything did happen between us. He's so strung out on pills that it would be like fighting a fourth grader. Just the shit she tells me now about why they fight (they seemingly break up every other week) is over the most ridiculous shit. Plus, he says the most ridiculously douche bag things. I know all the girls at work are even pulling for me to win her over since they hate him so much.

[girl68]

YOu really don't want to become the "other man" for real. If anything tell her and then set some rules. I like you but this isn't going to happen so long as you're with him. If you're interested, I'm in if not it's over. Be a man and not the "other" man. Don't take her shit no more.

[cheeze_guy]

I know a girl who is the sister of one of my best friends. She is dating a guy who I do not like... He controls her and really I feel just is no good for her and I know I would make her smile forever if she let me. We all get drinks together often (without her bf) and she tells me how much she loves me and how I am such a great guy blah blah blah... but the truth is the reason why I don't even waste my time even though I have strong feelings for her is because until she is really ready to break up with the guy I am pretty much only going to be looking for a fight and even if it is a fight I can win, in the end she needs to see how awesome I am and break it for herself not because I instigated it. I know I am a little crazy so maybe my feelings are a little out there but I really think that if you are as great as you seem and she likes a dumb ass it kind of makes her at least a bit of a silly girl too and you definitely should find yourself a girl who will give you all of her without any problems.

[Punk18]

YOu really don't want to become the "other man" for real. If anything tell her and then set some rules. I like you but this isn't going to happen so long as you're with him. If you're interested, I'm in if not it's over. Be a man and not the "other" man. Don't take her shit no more.

I've been in the situation before but never as "the other guy" but I have been the one who has been cheated on. It definitely sucks but I have a hard time sympathizing with him. I was never a strung out loser. I never put any girl through the amount of shit he's putting her through. I'm damn sure not going to be second fiddle to a pillhead. Absolutely not.

[Gigabitch]

Tell her very clearly that you want her, and you want all of her. Say it was just flirty fun at first (to explain why you were willing to "fool around" when she was with someone else), but that now you know you could be truly happy with her. Tell her you are just waiting for her to get rid of the douchebag so you and she can live happily ever after.

This respect for her and boost to her self esteem should make it more likely that she'll actually leave the fool. If you just mess around with her and treat her like a cheating ho, she's not going to change anything.

[girl68]

I've been in the situation before but never as "the other guy" but I have been the one who has been cheated on. It definitely sucks but I have a hard time sympathizing with him. I was never a strung out loser. I never put any girl through the amount of shit he's putting her through. I'm damn sure not going to be second fiddle to a pillhead. Absolutely not.

I'm not saying don't do it for HIS sake. I'm saying don't be the other man for YOURSELF. Have some pride. You can't win a girl who does not want to be 'won'. Tell her what you want, and let her be a big girl and make a decision: stay or leave.

[IncognitoSir]

I know a girl who is the sister of one of my best friends. She is dating a guy who I do not like... He controls her and really I feel just is no good for her and I know I would make her smile forever if she let me. We all get drinks together often (without her bf) and she tells me how much she loves me and how I am such a great guy blah blah blah... but the truth is the reason why I don't even waste my time even though I have strong feelings for her is because until she is really ready to break up with the guy I am pretty much only going to be looking for a fight and even if it is a fight I can win, in the end she needs to see how awesome I am and break it for herself not because I instigated it. I know I am a little crazy so maybe my feelings are a little out there but I really think that if you are as great as you seem and she likes a dumb ass it kind of makes her at least a bit of a silly girl too and you definitely should find yourself a girl who will give you all of her without any problems.

Right on! Damn I cant believe I just typed that, anyways I agree with cheeze. Make her decide, but I'm intrested to know why she chooses to stay with a drugie loser with no job. She sounds like she may be very immarture and easily persuaded.

[Punk18]

Tell her very clearly that you want her, and you want all of her. Say it was just flirty fun at first (to explain why you were willing to "fool around" when she was with someone else), but that now you know you could be truly happy with her. Tell her you are just waiting for her to get rid of the douchebag so you and she can live happily ever after.

This respect for her and boost to her self esteem should make it more likely that she'll actually leave the fool. If you just mess around with her and treat her like a cheating ho, she's not going to change anything.

I can dig this. I treat all my women with respect and I'd treat her just the same. She deserves a guy like me who has a decent job, no drug addiction and if I don't mind saying so... is an overall classy dude.

My biggest obstacle now is trying to get her to hang out with me. I figure the worst thing she can say if I pour my heart out is "I'm going to stay with him." Her loss if she does that.

[Gigabitch]

Sell it like a high-quality product. Who wouldn't want to trade in their hoop-de wagon on a new Escalade, right?