Is he taking advantage on me?

[angel2002]

hi guys, here is another post.
Tom and I have been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. Mostly online, we've spent around 7 months together in person in my country, as he lives in another country.
The thing is: We need to be together, no one can be in a LDR forever, and having a plan is important but actually making this plan happen is more.
Tom had a job in his country but he was fired and sold everything he had , got rid of his rented house to come and live with me for some months. Then when he got back to his country he had to live with his grandmother, kind of starting all over again.
He is a smart guy and has saved some money in his life.
Here is the issue; He never mentions about taking me to live with him in his country, he only talks bout moving to mine. But to move to mine he needs documents so he can work legalized, and some more issues solved including $ ,to be able to make a living so we dont spend all his savings.
Right now i can barely support me and my daugther and he thinks bout it a lot before making a decision to come.
My family thinks its better him to take me there because we can have better financial situation and life. My parents also think he is not doing enough for us, and he is kind of waiting for a perfect moment that might never happen, because things are not perfect. And they think I am being too understandying bout the fact that he is not assuming me as he should. And Im gonna be forever single and waiting for him to come.
I feel bad for being apart but i understand he's not any millionaire and he has done more than me financially for us to be together, But because he is a man, my parents think he should take responsibility for us to work out, as dad did for my mom. And they think may be Tom is not as interested in me as he should be to make it work.
To make it short: They say i will be waiting Tom for years till we be together for good, because he feels confortable the way things are right now. And after waiting for many years i run the risk of him falling in love for another woman there and tell me: Alright everything was great but goodbye.
Plus they say that the only reason he wants to be with me here in my country is because i have an apt and he wont have to pay rent neither buy a house.
I dont know what to think. I need some advice.
Hope i made it clear. I dont wanna break up with Tom but dont wanna be stuck in this situation forever
Thanks guys!

[nerdy_guy]

I persisted for 3 yrs. We only get a week or less in a year to be together. And since she can't take some days off, We can't always spend the whole day together When I go see her as well. Would you consider that difficult?

I think he's still not ready in a financial sense. Based on what I understand here, he comes from a poorer country than you are.
Your family has no right to accuse him of not making it work. They don't know his life condition in his country. Him being fired and down on his luck doesn't equate to him not being interested in you. In fact, him picking up the pieces and trying to restart his life means he's doing the best he can so that he won't be an embarrassment to you. He'd have more stress if he marries you now then listen to your family berate him for not looking after you.

[angel2002]

Thanks for the advice, i think you are right, so im not blind as my parents say. About your situation i would die lol tom and i have spent a lot of time together in these years and even that we fight a lot due to the distance.
Do you love her? If you love its worth but i know how u feel bout distance, its so hard, seems things will never get better yeah
Anyway i wish you the best of luck, hope me and you can get things good with our partners and be near the ones we love
Take care

[nerdy_guy]

Do you love her? If you love its worth but i know how u feel bout distance, its so hard, seems things will never get better yeah
Anyway i wish you the best of luck, hope me and you can get things good with our partners and be near the ones we love
Take care

Thank you.

For the part in bold: Enough to marry her and have a kid after. (Yes, LDRs work. But it takes a lot of work.)

[xxazurexx]

It's been 3 years and that is a long time. I wouldn't wait around for a man that long, particularly not one who was long distance from me and in another country.

Have you spoken to him about all of this?

[angel2002]

All the time, i tell him how i feel, he says we need to wait for the perfect time so we dont make any mistakes that we regret about $, he says he doesnt wanna us to strugle financially. Yes its a long time and it seems like itll be more years than that before we finally be together for good Just dont know what to do anymore, seems theres no way out

[nerdy_guy]

If financial aspect is the only problem then it should start from a good planning conversation. Have yo offered any solutions to this?